Two working mid-level professional working parents

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old has recently told me that sometimes parents come in with a subway sandwich and eat at the school with their child. He really wants me to do this, so I am trying to arrange my work schedule so I can. One of his classmates' moms spends every single weekday morning at the school volunteering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old has recently told me that sometimes parents come in with a subway sandwich and eat at the school with their child. He really wants me to do this, so I am trying to arrange my work schedule so I can. One of his classmates' moms spends every single weekday morning at the school volunteering.

Man I was hoping this would taper off by 2nd grade... Every day?

[Anonymous]

Yes I can't believe the school allows parents to eat lunch with their kids on a random day. Sounds very disruptive.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the new normal. We make $300k ish and basically make it work with outside help. we make a bit more than you maybe, but you should look at nanny help. It's expensive in our area but maybe cheaper in VA...

We come home to a cooked dinner, the table set, both kids bathed and dressed for bed, the dishwasher emptied and all the beds made. The only thing our nanny doesn't do is roll out the red carpet. Woman's easily 50 years old but she has the energy of a pack mule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I can't believe the school allows parents to eat lunch with their kids on a random day. Sounds very disruptive.

Really? How on earth is that disruptive? When mine were little I used to eat lunch with them every once in a while. I thought most parents did the same.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both work full time with 45 min. commutes one way. Kids are in kindergarten and second grade. We don't take off for school events b quad it would take too long to drive back to school from work then turn around and go back to work. Our long term goal is that one of us will work part time when the oldest reaches middle school. We want a parent to be home after school at that age. The benefits to working now full time are: save money for retirement at an earlier age, advance career now, afterschool care is say and convenient at elementary age compared to middle school age, kids will barely remember if you volunteered at school in early elementary vs. being around after school when they are 11 to 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old has recently told me that sometimes parents come in with a subway sandwich and eat at the school with their child. He really wants me to do this, so I am trying to arrange my work schedule so I can. One of his classmates' moms spends every single weekday morning at the school volunteering.

Man I was hoping this would taper off by 2nd grade... Every day?

NP here. This is totally extreme and would not even be good for your DC in the long run (helicoptering much?). OP, I think you are not getting much sympathy on this thread because your situation is VERY common, and you don't seem to like most people's suggestions. Make sure your DC isn't just picking up on your anxiety about not being there enough, and stop comparing yourself to others.

Yes, it sucks that neither you nor your DH has flexible schedules, but surely, you can take leave for a half or full day every now and again to be at school/field trips etc. There was an entire laundry list of things you can do posted on page - of course they won't all apply, but try doing 2-3 of them. Little things make a difference. For me, having a cleaner (even just 1x/month when money was tighter) REALLY helped. And in the meantime, see if you can start petitioning to telework or get transferred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I live in Bethesda and work downtown - 20 min commute in, over 30 coming home most nights. No family in area; no domestic help. We do lots of what 21:23 suggests, including taking long lunches to volunteer at school and staggering work hours. Kids are 7 and 5.

Sorry but there's no way you get "downtown" from bethesda in 20 minutes. I work in DuPont circle and commute from friendship heights. This takes me, door to door, 25 min. Are you one of these people who only counts the time on the train?

I live close to the DC line and work at 21st and E, which admittedly isn't exactly "downtown" although I was thinking of it that way since it's so far south (e.g., "down") from my house. It's 17 min door to door; I leave at 7:20.

[Anonymous]

We live in NW DC and I would say probably 2/3 of the houses have two WOH parents. Teachers don't expect parents in classrooms. They give ample heads up for field trips/parties so parents can arrange their work time.

OP-- I work full time and am the breadwinner. We did this because my husband is a fed with a very non-flexible schedule. I worked long hours for many frustrsting years as a fed so I could get a private sector position which would give me flexibility and good pay. We have 4 kids (ES and MS). Even with my flexible job I have only been able to do the Halloween parade. We weren't even able to swing conferences due to my work travel. This is just how it is. I put my kids into extended aftercare because there is no gurantee one of us will be he by 6:00. We order in too much and don't do any weekday after school activities. Our weekends mean sports on Sat. but strict family time on Sunday. It is a bit crazed but we have a great life. I have amazing kids and love my little family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dual income and combined work over 120 hours a week on average. No household help, no family nearby. We live close to work and simply leave work for kids events. (Make up hours, what's that? We already work enough that no one cares.)

How do you even manage getting dinner on the table? Most aftercare/daycares are 11 hours long, but you are working 12 hour days (5x12 = 60). Do you work after kids asleep? Weekends?

We work 8-4:30 and 10-6:30 (second one drops off around 9, first one picks up around 5. Both of us work after kids go to bed (not every day, but most days) and at least some time on weekends. On weekends one of us might take the kids out to an activity and the other works. We do grocery shopping on weekends and normally eat around 6:30.

[Anonymous]

Lot of military in Northern Virginia who leave for work at 7am and are home by 4pm. We had a huge problem with other parents & the school assuming a parent could be available for volunteer events/back to school nights in the early evening. In some cases I felt this was intention by the parents-in-charge who were doing the scheduling. I often felt my husband was the only one commuting downtown (and I was at home).

But look at the broader picture - doesn't sound like either of you travel for work, a huge plus for family time. If you have secure jobs, a hugh plus. If you like your neighborhood & schools enough, another hugh plus. Don't romanticize this "be there for their activities" too much.

This worked for us - when we knew an activity was important to attend, husband took a half day or a full day off of work. You have generous leave -probably- take days here-and there so you won't both be stuck at the office when there's something you really want to attend.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I do this. He is a scientist and is out the door very early. I am a lawyer so my day starts late. I stay with the kids through the morning, do drops offs, and go to the office later in the day. I work late basically all the time. DH is done around 4, so he picks up, feeds dinner. On weekends we tag team between who is watching the kids and who is on their laptop working. (I know, it sounds awful, and yes most of the time it is.)

We live close to the District in MOCO so we have decent commutes. We have zero family in the area. A babysitter once a week so we get a date night.

We're exhausted. I want the nanny who works for the PP who posted upthread. This is miserable!!

[Anonymous]

I must say I don't understand this whole "parental involvement" stuff. Is that another way of asking for free labor? I work full time, check my son's homework and take him to extracurriculars. I visit the Halloween parade and go on an occasional field trip. What else am I supposed to do? Come in and do the teachers' work for them? Sorry, no one volunteers to do mine.

[Anonymous]

It's really okay to say to your kids, "I know you wish I could come in to your class sometimes. I'm sorry, but I can't." Said lovingly and sympathetically, but without guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really okay to say to your kids, "I know you wish I could come in to your class sometimes. I'm sorry, but I can't." Said lovingly and sympathetically, but without guilt.

+1000