Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me

[Anonymous]

You are hurting yourself more than you can ever imagine. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It has been 25 years and you haven't learned a damn thing. You are pathetic and your father is a far better person than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are hurting yourself more than you can ever imagine. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It has been 25 years and you haven't learned a damn thing. You are pathetic and your father is a far better person than you.

And you are maybe an abusive parent yourself if you can't under why OP feels the way she does. OP Personally, I don't believe that people change unless they really want to do so. I think the mellowing out as they age is BS. I'm really sorry your parents weren't there for you at 17 years old. They are bastards and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are hurting yourself more than you can ever imagine. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It has been 25 years and you haven't learned a damn thing. You are pathetic and your father is a far better person than you.

Lights out, troll.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I do appreciate the feedback. Like a PP said, there is always that nagging doubt that I may be over-reacting b/c all of society/culture tells us that family is so important and we're supposed to be with our families and I like to think of myself as a forgiving, mature person. ... and then these people (my parents) are regularly pushing me to increase the interaction. So, I start to wonder if I should make a change. But, in my heart, I really don't want to interact with them beyond the end of the phone. It's hard to tell someone who wants to spend time with you that you don't want to spend time with them and not feel like you're being harsh.... at least when I'm dealing with normal people, I try not to be quite so blunt. But, these people don't take subtle hints or brush-offs. They push and throw guilt trips.

I am grateful that they provided me with food and shelter and sent me to school and I think they actually cared about me as best they knew how. I know they had their limitations. Even though I can intellectually understand them as they were with all their limits, I don't really want to deal with their fakery and mind-games today, as an adult. I'm sure they have *some* positive points they could share with their grandkids, but not enough for me to seek it out. The benefits just don't outweigh the costs. It seems cold to talk about my own parents in such a clinical way... I just don't have any affinity for them. I pity them, I understand them, I just don't want to experience them. It's hard to own that in a world where kids are supposed to help/love their parents (as I would hope my own children would help/love me in my old age).

Thanks for all your help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are hurting yourself more than you can ever imagine. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It has been 25 years and you haven't learned a damn thing. You are pathetic and your father is a far better person than you.

Lights out, troll.

Remember the '90s when trolls actually put some thought and effort into their posts and really worked at effective psychological warfare? Trolls today...pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I agree with one of the pps who said that Christmas is not the time for this. You can reconcile enough for your children to know their grandparents, but I don't think your parents have earned the right to have them at Christmas. That will take time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I do appreciate the feedback. Like a PP said, there is always that nagging doubt that I may be over-reacting b/c all of society/culture tells us that family is so important and we're supposed to be with our families and I like to think of myself as a forgiving, mature person. ... and then these people (my parents) are regularly pushing me to increase the interaction. So, I start to wonder if I should make a change. But, in my heart, I really don't want to interact with them beyond the end of the phone. It's hard to tell someone who wants to spend time with you that you don't want to spend time with them and not feel like you're being harsh.... at least when I'm dealing with normal people, I try not to be quite so blunt. But, these people don't take subtle hints or brush-offs. They push and throw guilt trips.

I am grateful that they provided me with food and shelter and sent me to school and I think they actually cared about me as best they knew how. I know they had their limitations. Even though I can intellectually understand them as they were with all their limits, I don't really want to deal with their fakery and mind-games today, as an adult. I'm sure they have *some* positive points they could share with their grandkids, but not enough for me to seek it out. The benefits just don't outweigh the costs. It seems cold to talk about my own parents in such a clinical way... I just don't have any affinity for them. I pity them, I understand them, I just don't want to experience them. It's hard to own that in a world where kids are supposed to help/love their parents (as I would hope my own children would help/love me in my old age).

Thanks for all your help.

You are not alone. It's healthy to have boundaries but "harder" when it involves parents and the inevitable "am I depriving my kids/grandparent guilt."