Reply to Pressure from estranged grandparents wanting contact with grandkids and me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks everyone.  I do appreciate the feedback.  Like a PP said, there is always that nagging doubt that I may be over-reacting b/c all of society/culture tells us that family is so important and we're supposed to be with our families and I like to think of myself as a forgiving, mature person. ... and then these people (my parents) are regularly pushing me to increase the interaction.  So, I start to wonder if I should make a change.  But, in my heart, I really don't want to interact with them beyond the end of the phone.  It's hard to tell someone who wants to spend time with you that you don't want to spend time with them and not feel like you're being harsh.... at least when I'm dealing with normal people, I try not to be quite so blunt.  But, these people don't take subtle hints or brush-offs.  They push and throw guilt trips.

I am grateful that they provided me with food and shelter and sent me to school and I think they actually cared about me as best they knew how.  I know they had their limitations.  Even though I can intellectually understand them as they were with all their limits, I don't really want to deal with their fakery and mind-games today, as an adult.  I'm sure they have *some* positive points they could share with their grandkids, but not enough for me to seek it out.  The benefits just don't outweigh the costs.  [b]It seems cold to talk about my own parents in such a clinical way... I just don't have any affinity for them.  I pity them, I understand them, I just don't want to experience them.  It's hard to own that in a world where kids are supposed to help/love their parents (as I would hope my own children would help/love me in my old age)[/b].

Thanks for all your help.  [/quote]

You are not alone.  It's healthy to have boundaries but "harder" when it involves parents and the inevitable "am I depriving my kids/grandparent guilt."[/quote]

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