boyfriend talking about buying a bigger house -- read into this?

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks all. I'm on pretty good solid financial ground of my own, have several fantastic investment properties and a very lucrative career of my own, so I don't "need" this Mr/ Big but he is the eternal challenge so to speak. There are other gentlemen in my life, so I am not on tunnel vision with this MR Big who is very successful but in someways socially immature when it comes to dating world. I'm not going to push the "talk" becuase I don't think he will commit - so all I can do is keep my options open with other people, take it slow, and not pressure him or I.

I was just wondering if the brochure-showing, etc., is his way of inviting a "talk" or if he is buying more time..... It sounds like the consensus here is that it is the latter....and could be gamesmanship as I suspect....

BTW, in my experience, being explicit and forcing a "talk" is not productive and it is best to have th eman take the lead on bringing up this topic.....

[Anonymous]

You are wasting your time. If you are fine with having sex and dating a man who will never commit to you, that's one thing. But since you seem to want him to make a commit, I'm telling you, give up and move on.

[Anonymous]

I agree 100% with the PP. If he hasn't committed to you after an entire year, he's NOT going to. When I met my DH, neither of us was looking for a relationship. After a few weeks of getting to know each other, we both told each other we didn't want to date other people and that it would feel wrong. Mr Big is asking for your opinion and that's it. Move on and find someone that wants to be with you and only you. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be with a game player like this?

[Anonymous]

uh. ask him?

[Anonymous]

This is just sad really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm definitely not going along house-hunting, and have not even really looked at the brochures he is showing me... I get the sense that I can't force a conversation on him, and have to keep some distrance so he approaches me with the conversation... In the interim, until HE asks to be exclusive explicitly, I will date other people as well as him.... Becuase I can't force a decision on him, and think that wil make me look needy.... I just wonder if showing me this house stuff is his - less direct - way of telling me something, or if he is just testing me....

Huh? He is finding himself a bigger house for himself. If you want a real relationship with this person, then you need to tell him directly. Communication is the key, yes it's a cliche, but it's true. It doesn't sound to me like he wants a real relationship with you. I say tell him what you want (I'm assuming you want a real relationship), if he doesn't want that (and tell him you want a direct answer), then drop him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks all. I'm on pretty good solid financial ground of my own, have several fantastic investment properties and a very lucrative career of my own, so I don't "need" this Mr/ Big but he is the eternal challenge so to speak. There are other gentlemen in my life, so I am not on tunnel vision with this MR Big who is very successful but in someways socially immature when it comes to dating world. I'm not going to push the "talk" becuase I don't think he will commit - so all I can do is keep my options open with other people, take it slow, and not pressure him or I.

I was just wondering if the brochure-showing, etc., is his way of inviting a "talk" or if he is buying more time..... It sounds like the consensus here is that it is the latter....and could be gamesmanship as I suspect....

BTW, in my experience, being explicit and forcing a "talk" is not productive and it is best to have th eman take the lead on bringing up this topic.....

10:00 here. I didn't see this before I posted. He is stringing you along, sorry but that is my impression. Just tell him what you want. He is not socially immature, he just wants what he wants, which is not a relationship. You want a relationship, so drop him.

[Anonymous]

^^ I'm sorry I was so blunt, but that is my impression.

[Anonymous]

OP here - you're not too blunt at all - I apprecitate the directness.

[Anonymous]

OP, the technique you're talking about - letting the man take the lead in moving the relationship to the next level - is appropriate EARLY in a relationship. At this point you are simply losing your dignity every day you allow him to play this pointless game. Either talk to him directly, like an adult, and ask him where he sees the two of you in 6-12-24 months OR regain your dignity and drop him. He's just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the technique you're talking about - letting the man take the lead in moving the relationship to the next level - is appropriate EARLY in a relationship. At this point you are simply losing your dignity every day you allow him to play this pointless game. Either talk to him directly, like an adult, and ask him where he sees the two of you in 6-12-24 months OR regain your dignity and drop him. He's just not that into you.

I agree.