Is being a nanny a turn-off?
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Anonymous
| You love kids but aren't sure if you want them? |
Anonymous
That's totally normal. |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, I have to disagree with all the people who are saying this is no problem. First of all, I do think you are doing amazingly well, making a good income and saving. However, being a nanny is just not a good plan for living a comfortable independent life for the long term. This is not about needing the corner office at a Fortune 500 company but it is about developing skills that will set you apart and also preparing for a time when you are older and might want a less physical job. You are very honest about not being a career focused person. However, work is a huge part of life and it will not serve you well to drift like this. To all the posters who are saying there is no need to pursue anything else because entry level jobs pay less, that is also extremely short sighted. By those standards, no one would ever go to med school because you lose a decade of income.
Clearly your BF is not in a position to judge you. And of course, you are well ahead of many other people who earn a lot and spend it all. But I am skeptical that you will be happy ... or secure ... doing this long term. Oh, and while I hate to admit it, there is some truth to the fact that, right or wrong, others may judge you by your profession. Not saying they should, or that this should bother you. But they will and it is real. Think of the old wake up at 40 cliché. Will you have regrets? Will you think it is too late to try something else? Somthings to think about |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for this post. I know what you mean. Because I make a good salary (not by DCUM standards of course) and am on a good financial path (no debt, good savings, etc)- sometimes I feel like that puts me ahead of so many others my age. Almost like if I were to wake up at the age of 35, or 40, and think "Wow, what have I done?" I will at least have a hefty cushion to fall back on / rely on, while I start fresh. But of course that's not a solid plan. The original reason for this thread was regarding my boyfriend, but every reply I've written I haven't had him in mind. Looks like I have more than one issue. |
Anonymous
| OP, how does your boyfriend speak to you about this? What is his tone and how does it make you feel? I think that's the most important part. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
19:24, it varies. His tone is neutral, but he does make me feel bad/ashamed. One could argue no one "makes" you feel any certain way, but you know what I mean. It's sort of often- every few months when we're having a talk about something, he'll ask me how I am feeling about my job. I always say the same thing- I address his concerns, validate my choices, confirm that I am happy, etc. He just seems bummed out about it. I ask him what he's thinking- he says he just worries about me and my future, that one day I'll wake up and not be happy (sort of what was touched upon earlier)... But, its the frequency that bugs me. How many times do I have to reiterate the same thing? It's almost like when people say on here how their husband casually mentions losing weight but brings it up all the time-- I get it. You don't like it. |
Anonymous
In other words, become a gold digger. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I should add that we do have some other issues we need to work out as well. |
Anonymous
That sucks. I dated a guy once who was the same way. I have a bachelor's in art and when I was just starting out making very little money, he kept telling me I should just quit my job and be a grunt on the hill because that could actually lead somewhere. Never mind that I liked what I was doing and had ZERO interest in being a hill douchebag. That should have been the big red flag to listen to. He's now married to a very ambitious woman but from what he says they don't seem happy. They have a ton of money that they stress over because they throw it into a huge house in the suburbs and cars. Nobody here knows your relationship, but I think that any guy who makes you feel shitty about any aspect of yourself isn't worth holding onto. I am married now to a man who makes me feel talented and powerful and if I ever came to him with concerns about my limited earning potential he would never speak about it in such a way as to make me feel ashamed. Also, just for the record, I think nannying is INCREDIBLY important work. I also think anyone who has a problem with someone else's career when that person is fulfilled and works very hard to do a good job and continually get better is an insecure ass. I think he's probably doing a fair amount of projecting and next time he brings it up you should say, "get back to me when I don't make more than twice as much as you". |
Anonymous
| When you have these conversation does his current income or debt or work ever get touched on? Is he feeling like you aren't supporting his choices? |
Anonymous
That is doing exactly what you are saying would make him an insecure ass. So then we would have two insecure asses. |
Anonymous
| Even if OP did want to SAH, she would not need a high earner to do so. In many cities $50 k is lots for a family of 4. |
Anonymous
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Just because you are not career oriented doesn't mean work is not important. Some things to consider
--you are already highly paid for your profession. you could be in a position of taking a steep pay cut if you needed to find a new employer. --nannying is hard work that takes a physical toll and not something you will necessarily want to do at 50. --you say you are not career minded but I wonder if there is a self esteem issue here, or if you just haven't been exposed to the right opportunities. not criticizing nannies at all, I also think this is important work. however, it is not a career that will give you options to move on and do other things. is this really your passion or are you afraid of challenging yourself? and if it is the later, think how much harder it will be to challenge yourself in ten years. --I LOVE all the "teachers" at my kids' daycare. they are intelligent and patient and kind and very good at what they do. they also work incredibly hard for very little pay and while some say they want to become teachers, it is a lot of work to study at night after working all day ... and it only gets harder as time goes on. not to be Debbie Downer but if you were my daughter i'd tell you to find another career. |
Anonymous
Hi OP! I am also a Nanny and I am 44 yrs old. I love what I do as well and my personal belief is that "There is Dignity in ALL Work." W/out us nannies staying home and providing one-on-one childcare to all of these young children, many of these Fortune 500 CEOs would not be able to do their jobs. Everyone does their part in making the world go around. I think we provide an excellent service to many families, yet it is one of the most thankless professions because there is no special "degree" needed...Just a loving heart and a passion for children. 
Anyway, many people view us as simply "Glorified Babysitters." Personally, I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks about what I do. I am good at what I do, I hold a job and pay my taxes and I wake up every day looking forward to what awaits me at work. The downside to being a nanny is that while now you are making good money OP, in inevitably children do end up growing up and families do outgrow their need for your services. Then you are back to "square one." In most professions, you start at entry level, pay your dues while gaining invaluable experience which can then assist you in climbing the career ladder. As a nanny, no such ladder exists. I mean, sure...The more you work, the more references you can provide and there is a chance another good family will snatch you up, but it's not something you can count on. There truly is no room for advancement in the nanny profession and it usually involves jumping from family to family. Your pay is basically based on luck. So one family is paying you $65/Yr. Awesome. Well, when the kids outgrow you and you need to move on and find another family, when if no one else out there thinks nannies should be paid such an amount? Trust me, many families love to nickle and dime their childcare providers to death. Then, you may find yourself working a job making half of what you are making now. For this reason and this reason alone, I do not think being a nanny is a good long-term career choice for anyone. Just my two cents.
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