Moving on when you were never really loved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am 14:49 PP. I hear what you are saying and that this was a much deeper, longer relationship than the one I experienced, and the issue is different. it is very demoralizing to be disillusioned to the extent you are, and I'd like to direct you to some books I found helpful -
The Sociopath Next Door - martha stout
in sheeps clothing,and character disturbance by george simon (2 books)
the gaslight effect by robin stern

extensive lying and interpersonal manipulation and troublemaking are hallmarks of both sociopaths and narcissists. there are differences between them, but I will leave that to you to explore. You are far from alone though.

I've seen you recommend these books.

How is it helpful for her (and others) to come to view the father of their children, or someone they spent time with in a long-term relationship, as a sociopath or someone with a character disorder? Her children presumably have to spend time with this man, their father, alone. Now you want her to think of him as a sociopath??
OP, I had a relationship similar to this (no kids or marriage). Had some therapy and came to view this person more as a "Peter Pan." Someone who would say anything to get people to like him or please people in the short term, but with no follow through. Someone who never grew up. This isn't a sociopath. Yes, it's a defect of character, it's maddening, and it's impossible to live with. But it's not a complete lack of conscience or a lack of love for you. I think you were loved, just not the way you needed to be or should be. Find the love you need and deserve.

Are you kidding? As a person with a parent who is a sociopath it is CRITICAL to be fully aware of what you are dealing with. If you are unaware, being either the spouse or the children of such vortex of destruction, you will end up battered and damaged, possibly for life. I'm speechless really at you even questioning the relevancy of being aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am 14:49 PP. I hear what you are saying and that this was a much deeper, longer relationship than the one I experienced, and the issue is different. it is very demoralizing to be disillusioned to the extent you are, and I'd like to direct you to some books I found helpful -
The Sociopath Next Door - martha stout
in sheeps clothing,and character disturbance by george simon (2 books)
the gaslight effect by robin stern

extensive lying and interpersonal manipulation and troublemaking are hallmarks of both sociopaths and narcissists. there are differences between them, but I will leave that to you to explore. You are far from alone though.

I've seen you recommend these books.

How is it helpful for her (and others) to come to view the father of their children, or someone they spent time with in a long-term relationship, as a sociopath or someone with a character disorder? Her children presumably have to spend time with this man, their father, alone. Now you want her to think of him as a sociopath??
OP, I had a relationship similar to this (no kids or marriage). Had some therapy and came to view this person more as a "Peter Pan." Someone who would say anything to get people to like him or please people in the short term, but with no follow through. Someone who never grew up. This isn't a sociopath. Yes, it's a defect of character, it's maddening, and it's impossible to live with. But it's not a complete lack of conscience or a lack of love for you. I think you were loved, just not the way you needed to be or should be. Find the love you need and deserve.

Are you kidding? As a person with a parent who is a sociopath it is CRITICAL to be fully aware of what you are dealing with. If you are unaware, being either the spouse or the children of such vortex of destruction, you will end up battered and damaged, possibly for life. I'm speechless really at you even questioning the relevancy of being aware.

Because you are a dcnotitall

[Anonymous]

Recommendation PP here back with one more highly relevant concept for you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad

I'm not saying your ex is any one of these, but you are describing behaviors that these books and the dark triad construct deeply explore. Personally whenever I am up against something daunting, I turn to research and information gathering, so I hope this information proves helpful for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Recommendation PP here back with one more highly relevant concept for you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201301/shedding-light-psychology-s-dark-triad

I'm not saying your ex is any one of these, but you are describing behaviors that these books and the dark triad construct deeply explore. Personally whenever I am up against something daunting, I turn to research and information gathering, so I hope this information proves helpful for you.

The answers to all 11/12 traits would be strongly positive for him.

But I don't think he would answer honestly. He's too "smart" for self quizzes. That and so absorbed with a image of himself as successful, charming, socialite, best dad, and victim of many evil women.

[Anonymous]

it is totally liberating to stop believing in the narrative they live by and to see it for the BS it is. In a way I felt sorry for my N, my dad, because he was trapped. It was like his whole life was dedicated to buffing and polishing his own *false* image and everything and everybody was sacrificed to it.
It was liberating to study him, and learn how to defend my mind from his all-encompassing thing, and myself from being manipulated & I am much stronger for it. All the best to you and your kids too. You have a community of kindred spirits, definitely.

[Anonymous]

Meant to be