DH Says I am Just Making Excuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so upset right now. I just had a huge fight with my DH regarding money and he told me I am not doing my best to find a job!
I told him that I simply do not have the time to put into a real job effort b/c I have all this stuff to do around the house that is just taking up my time. I drop DD off at school in the morning at 7:00 AM and I pick her up around 3 PM most days. After that, she and I go together to the gym. In between, I do shopping, clean the house, get meals ready, do laundry, etc. I suddenly find that my time is up and I haven't even sent out a resume! It is so frustrating.

Well, today DH told me that I need to get better at time management and need to think of my job search as a job and put other things on the back burner. He doesn't care if the house is "perfectly clean" or the flower beds weeded. Those things can wait for the weekend, when he can help take care of them. However, I just cannot let them go. It is not in my nature. He also thinks neither one of us needs to be the homework police for DD - 14. That it is her responsibility to do her assignments and make sure they are in on time, and that if she doesn't do it and the poor grades come in then there will be consequences. I just cant' trust her, though and feel as if I need to stand over her otherwise whe is texting, playing on FB, etc. As far as letting some things go for the weekend, it is just not in me to do. DH says that my constant need to have th "perfect" house is driving me and everyone else crazy and that time at home is not enjoyable. He says he would rather talk about anything else but the g*****n house! DH says I am using this need"to do" all these things to procrastinate from job hunting because I hate being rejected.

Well, I thought that was a total jerk comment and told him why doesn't he try to find a job. He told me that if he was in a position to have to find work, he would be out doing it. As it is, he says we are fortunate for him to have a job that takes care of the bills and more so that I do not really have to worry about having a job and can take my time to pick and choose. Try looking for a job, he said, when you are really worried about keeping a roof over your head and putting food on the table. I think he is being an ass!

Hhhhhh

[Anonymous]

OP: You are making excuses. I know because I do the same thing as you. My kids are younger and seeing your post has made me look at my situation a little closer. But, if this is for real - and not someone just trolling to make fun of SAHM's - you are not alone - I think there are a lot of us out there.
Ok, now I am off to Target......

[Anonymous]

If this is real, I fell so, so ,so sorry for OP's husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You DO need to treat finding a job as a job. From 8-noon every day your job is updating your resume, searching job postings, writing cover letters, sending out resumes, scheduling informational interviews, meeting with a career counselor, etc.

Totally agree with this advice. It's 4 hours a day you can dedicate to the job search.

[Anonymous]

If you need to work to pay the bills then get off your butt!!
Have you read all the threads about husbands who refuse to look for work??? The advice is the same.

[Anonymous]

People people, this is a fake post. Come on now.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mother. I work full time and commute about two hours a day. Which sucks.

The point is, I also somehow do the laundry and keep the house reasonably clean, and pay the bills, and monitor homework, work out at the gym, etc. etc. I will admit my yard work priorities sucked which is why I left my single family home....

I can't even imagine what I'd do with myself if I had ONE kid, who was 14, in school from 7 - 3, and a husband to help me, and no job.

Your husband is right, you need to get your act together. Try keeping a journal of what you do all day and figure out how you are losing all your "free" time.

[Anonymous]

My daughter just started kindergarten, and we can REALLY use the money, so I spent a week and a half going places just asking for jobs. I start my first job in over five years, on Friday doing exactly what I wanted to do! If I can do it, you can do it. (I literally spent every minute she was in school filling out applications, doing interviews and everything else... so my house is a wreck, but I'm working on that today..) You said your husband is even offering to help out with things on the weekend.. you really have NO reason to be wasting time anymore. If you staying at home was a family decision and now it's not a decision that's best for the family anymore, you have to do what's best for the family.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. First you say DH doesn't have a job, then you say he does...I am lost...

Anyway, OP, I understand your desire to keep the home fires burning. It's nice to have the house clean and orderly, everyone's clothes washed and put away, the fridge/pantry stocked, hot meals on the table, etc. Is there any chance you might have OCD?? It just sounds a little like it to me.

Does your husband pick up some of the domestic slack too? Perhaps if he helped out w/some of the household duties then that would lessen the weight on your shoulders and then perhaps you could get an outside job.
But if he expects you to work outside the home AND keep the household running smoothly, then he has another thing coming.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to work outside the home, then say so.

Then be prepared to deal with the fallout -- which includes moving out to places unimaginable to the DCUM mind, a smaller place with no yard, your husband deciding to bail either now or when your DD turns 18, etc.