DH Says I am Just Making Excuses

[Anonymous]

Troll - same person who posted the child abuse troll. I suspect CL based on syntax.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No this is not a joke. My husband and I had a fight and he said I am making excuses with all my "housework" and that I don't really want to work and why should I since he carries all the financial burden on his shoulders and I take it for granted. I feel he doesn't appreciate how much I do, how hard it is and that it leaves me with little time for me to take care of my own priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No this is not a joke. My husband and I had a fight and he said I am making excuses with all my "housework" and that I don't really want to work and why should I since he carries all the financial burden on his shoulders and I take it for granted. I feel he doesn't appreciate how much I do, how hard it is and that it leaves me with little time for me to take care of my own priorities.

Fine. At 4pm today, Trolly Polly, please provide a detailed list of all the activities you did today including times.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your husband, wake up at 6am, get showered, dressed, do some laundry and put something in the crockpot. Get your daughter up at 7am, get her to school and dedicate the rest of the day to finding a job. When your daughter gets home, go back to cleaning, shopping, etc since she does not need your help.

There is a psychology behind going back to work. It is not fun, or easy. You are probably a little scared, off your game, whatever.

Start small... part time or a job easier than you eventually want and jump in. It's like jumping in a pool, at first it is freezing then it is warmer the longer you stay in.

Your husband is right and being an ass about it... but I suspect he is fed up. Tell him you are scared and you need help.

[Anonymous]

Oooh, I am sooooo scared! It is sooooo hard! Suck it up Sallie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your husband, wake up at 6am, get showered, dressed, do some laundry and put something in the crockpot. Get your daughter up at 7am, get her to school and dedicate the rest of the day to finding a job. When your daughter gets home, go back to cleaning, shopping, etc since she does not need your help.

There is a psychology behind going back to work. It is not fun, or easy. You are probably a little scared, off your game, whatever.

Start small... part time or a job easier than you eventually want and jump in. It's like jumping in a pool, at first it is freezing then it is warmer the longer you stay in.

Your husband is right and being an ass about it... but I suspect he is fed up. Tell him you are scared and you need help.

This is about the most support I predict you will get. Yes your husband is right. PP is probably right about you being scared. I don't agree that your husband is being an ass. After awhile people just get fed up and you can't expect them to continue to support you in your avoidance.

One other thing. If you are still having to supervise your daughter doing homework at 14, I'm not sure what you were doing all these years at home. That's crazy. And, yes, I have teens so I've been there.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right and you need a reality check. If everyone on this board agrees with your husband, doesn't that say something to you?! You're making excuses. I have four very young children and you have ONE CHILD THAT IS IN SCHOOL ALL DAY. I agree with your husband 100%.

[Anonymous]

OP, you ARE making excuses, and please understand that those excuses are offensive to many of us who work out of the home full time and still do all the things you do.

You do not "need" to have a perfect house. If you "must" do those things during the week, what are you doing on the weekend? Sending out resumes can happen on a Saturday as well.

I think that most people, including your husband, would be a lot more sympathetic to you if you just admitted that you either are very apprehensive about or actually do not want to return to the workforce. Both of those things are acceptable explanations for your procrastination; "it's just not in my nature to not spend 7 hours cleaning the house" is not. If it truly takes you that long, you either live in a manor or are exceptionally bad at managing your time.

As for your husband's reaction, I agree with the PPs who characterize him as fed up with your excuses and procrastination. If I was in his position, I would feel and respond the same way, especially since I'm CERTAIN that this is not the first time y'all have had this conversation.

[Anonymous]

There is no way that it takes you 7 hours every day of the week to do the basic necessary chores unless you are dragging them out or making work for yourself. Your husband is telling you that he is willing to help with yardwork, laundry, housework, etc., on the weekends. You need to take him up on that.

You DO need to treat finding a job as a job. From 8-noon every day your job is updating your resume, searching job postings, writing cover letters, sending out resumes, scheduling informational interviews, meeting with a career counselor, etc. Leave the house if you have to and work at a coffee shop or the library or whatever.

You are making excuses for why you can't look for a job. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oooh, I am sooooo scared! It is sooooo hard! Suck it up Sallie!

Have you ever changed careers? It is not easy. It is scary. I have changed careers and it is not easy sailing. So yes it sucks, and she does have to suck it up, but don't act like it is a walk in the park.

[Anonymous]

OP, What kind of job do you want? Maybe we can actually be constuctive. Give you some next steps on how to get that job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, What kind of job do you want? Maybe we can actually be constuctive. Give you some next steps on how to get that job.

Wrong question. The right question is: "OP, do you really want a job?"

[Anonymous]

Send out the resumes first thing. Then you can get on with the rest of your day.

[Anonymous]

You don't need day care if you are not working. Get a job or get rid of day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the off chance this is real...

OP, sounds like your DH is right. You have basically nothing to do for 8 hours of the day and you can't send out a résumé? Make it your priority or see a therapist for your OCD house-tending and avoidance tendencies.

Yep.