My ex is an ass!

[Anonymous]

Interesting replies. Our agreement says that I choose activities -- and the ex gets them there on his weekends. If he doesn't agree, then he doesn't have to pay (but even my ass of an ex agrees b/c hello, the kids want to be in the activities for which they are signed up -- and we keep it minimal). He does have to take them where they need to go, even on "his time." I have to take them to school on my time. Duh.

Eating breakfast? Yeah, eat lunch together after they spend the morning at her activity. It's not an out of town family event -- which would justify skipping a class. People are way too worked up over what seems like something simple. I bet he's not taking her to stick it to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's a paid session 8 weeks so it's not pay as you go. He was my ex partner (boyfriend) for 7 years. He just thinks he controls everything and what he says goes this is why we aren't together and I declined his proposal.

So you never bothered to marry this "partner" of yours, after 7 years, and yet you went ahead and had a child with him. And now of course, you're separated, because "he is an ass." (your words) Yet you still think you have control over him, and his time with HIS child.

You sound like a real winner, OP. Please do yourself and your daughter a favor and get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

Oooh...an ass!

I read "My ex is an asset" ....so came here to read more!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's a paid session 8 weeks so it's not pay as you go. He was my ex partner (boyfriend) for 7 years. He just thinks he controls everything and what he says goes this is why we aren't together and I declined his proposal.

Get over yourself, this is not about you. Your daughter deserves to have a relationship with her dad so stop trying to drive him away. I think it's sweet that he's taking her out to breakfast, who gives a crap is she's not on your controlled schedule.

+1.

[Anonymous]

He is not controlling your relationship. You and he have separate relationships with your child. You schedule activities on your time, he schedules on his time. He gets less time, so it is not unreasonable for you to do activities on your time. You are controlling his relationship with his daughter by dictating what he does on his time.

[Anonymous]

Why don't each of you select the activities that she will do during her time with you, and be individually responsible for whether she goes or not?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being ridiculous. Seriously. He wants to have a nice breakfast with his daughter on "his" day and you can't even let him have that without your drama?

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. Have breakfast earlier, have lunch together. If you know the kid has a freaking class, take her to it. If OP is some insane over-scheduler that would be one thing. Doesn't sound like it.

[Anonymous]

Does he call you on your weekend and tell you where to be with your child?

Would you be okay if he signed her up for something on the weekends and then expected you to take her every week.

Unless this was a joint decision you should have scheduled the activity for when she was with you.

Sounds like you are trying to micromanage him. Stop calling to track his whereabouts when it is his weekend.

[Anonymous]

Never schedule activities for times when she may be with him. My daughter used to have gymnastics on Saturdays and I moved her to week days so I wouldn't have to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was taking her out to meet her new step-mommy

[Anonymous]

Nobody's arguing that a Saturday gymnastics class is unreasonable. What we are saying is that
1) If parents share a day (such as alternating Saturdays) they should decide TOGETHER how to spend that time and they should both contribute money to the activity. Unless he and OP decided together that DD should take a Saturday morning class, then she has no right to dictate what her ex does with his Saturday
2) Even if ex agrees to the class, it is still controlling to call and "remind" him--doesn't sound like a reminder; sounds like marching orders, which he rightfully told her to shove. If he agreed and then forgot or "forgot," then that is annoying, but still a valid choice he gets to make, since, again, it's his time with his kid.

Reverse the situation. You see your kid two nights a week and alternate Saturdays. Your ex decides that your kid should spend 2 hours first thing on Saturday driving to, participating in and returning from some activity. Your ex claims that the activity is really your idea because you commented that you want your kid to be more active. On your morning with your kid, your DD doesn't seem particularly interested in the activity and already had some outdoor time that day, so you decide that you'd rather spend those two hours talking and bonding over breakfast with your child, rather than sitting and watching at a gym. Your ex calls to passive-aggressively "remind you" that you and DD have to go where ex wants on Saturdays. How do you respond.

[Anonymous]

OP here, he leaves decisions up to me when it comes to our daughter I just run it by him. This is what he wanted. I picked her preschool and now public school. He just says "Tell me the time and place" Again he is all for our child participating in extracurricular activities. He did not object when I enrolled her soccer in the past and neither with the gymnastics. He just like to do things his way. We share about the same amount of time with our daughter during the week and weekends. That's not an issue. We both have full-time govt jobs and classes in the evenings are just too much that's why they are scheduled on the weekends. I'm not sure if the opposing post are parents or not, but classes aren't per day or when you decided to come its per session. I "paid" for the class but he does support the household as if he was still there (not the mortgage) If you child shows interest in an activity what do you do, enroll her in that activity. I guess if she has a meet or a game she will miss those too....just being sarcastic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, he leaves decisions up to me when it comes to our daughter I just run it by him. This is what he wanted. I picked her preschool and now public school. He just says "Tell me the time and place" Again he is all for our child participating in extracurricular activities. He did not object when I enrolled her soccer in the past and neither with the gymnastics. He just like to do things his way. We share about the same amount of time with our daughter during the week and weekends. That's not an issue. We both have full-time govt jobs and classes in the evenings are just too much that's why they are scheduled on the weekends. I'm not sure if the opposing post are parents or not, but classes aren't per day or when you decided to come its per session. I "paid" for the class but he does support the household as if he was still there (not the mortgage) If you child shows interest in an activity what do you do, enroll her in that activity. I guess if she has a meet or a game she will miss those too....just being sarcastic here.

You have not helped how you are perceived. You came across as controlling in your first post. You still do. He has the right, on his time, to change his mind. He is not bound to your desires of what your daughter will do. Even if he liked the idea in the past trying to force him, or instantly labeling him an ass when things do not go your way, makes you seem controlling and fairly petty.

[Anonymous]

^^^Yep.

OP, you are going to have a much easier time co-parenting if you let her father parent her (and spend time with her) in his own way. Letting the little things (like a gymnastics class) go now will allow you to build a better partnership for dealing with the big things (dating, driving, drinking, drugs, dropping grades in school) that might arise later.