Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I love reading about folks making judgements on marriages when they themselves have never been married or had kids. Every situation is different. This touches a nerve with me because my H cheated on because only because he could get away with it without me knowing, so he said in therapy, and I found out anyway. I am not a shrewish hag and was definitely putting out. Sucks sucks sucks. I picked a bad one. He's a damn good liar.
I agree. Cheating is less about bad marriages and more about a personal lack of integrity or character. It is someone who is okay with lying, cheating, deceiving, betraying and hurting those they say they love. If someone cheats, that is because of the person they are, and the state of the marriage is secondary to the moral code or lack thereof that they use to guide their actions. They might use their marital problems as an excuse or as a way to rationalize what they did or even to try and blame the other person and make it their fault - but all those tactics are pretty common in people having affairs as they lack integrity and aren't likely to be honest about their own shortcomings, and they lean towards being narcissistic (I want what I want and I'll have it regardless of who it hurts).