Do you plan on telling your children that you were married before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't lie to them. An astonishing number of public records are available through websites such as Ancestry.com. Even if your kids aren't looking for it your marriage and divorce info may turn up in some future genealogical research. My sister turned up some shocking info about our father's family that he had hidden from us. It destroyed our trust in anything else he ever told us about his family and made us wonder what else he has lied to us about.

+1

Our kids (15 and 12) know that DH was married before.

Our motto is, *get there first*. Marriages are in public records. They WILL find out, whether from you or some other source.

[Anonymous]

At some point I will have to. I had a child in my previous marriage that died in infancy... we never recovered and split ways a few years later.

I was quite young at the time and there was about a 10 year gap between that episode, and my meeting DH. I don't think that my LOs would ever find out about the marriage or sibling on their own but I do think they need to know about it in order to understand me better.

I wouldn't share this information until they are older, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they don't find out until they are older they will wonder why you lied and what else you are keeping from them.

Agree with this. It's unnecessarily dishonest and makes more of a long ago marraige than need be. Keeping it a secret seems cowardly. When the time is right (i.e., your kids are old enough to understand).

[Anonymous]

I just found out in my 30s that my father was married before, and it did sting that the whole family knew all these years and conspired to keep us from knowing. I can see how it started innocently enough. But it now contributes to my feeling that certain members of my family are not honest and not to be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point I will have to. I had a child in my previous marriage that died in infancy... we never recovered and split ways a few years later.

I was quite young at the time and there was about a 10 year gap between that episode, and my meeting DH. I don't think that my LOs would ever find out about the marriage or sibling on their own but I do think they need to know about it in order to understand me better.

I wouldn't share this information until they are older, though.

I have a friend with a similar story. Got pregnant, got married, baby died, they were basically split by their 1st wedding anniversary. It was a horrible nightmare and it took her a long time to recover from the double blow. She finally met a nice man and got married again about 8 years later and had a couple children with him. Don't know how much she has told her kids yet - probably not much as they are young. But I'm sure she will eventually, as it would be weird to find out from someone else that they had a half-sister who died.

[Anonymous]

Why is this even a question? Why would you ever consider hiding this from your kids? From reading previous posters, it feels like you think being married before is a SHAMEFUL experience, what is wrong with you? Divorces do happen and are part of life, grow up people!

[Anonymous]

I told my kids that my husband was married before me. He had no children but it came up when they overheard something. We chose not to hide it. my kids are only eight and nine but they were probably five or six when they found out. It did not harm them in any way. Every once in a while they might have a question, but more out of curiosity than anything else as recently some of their friends have parents who are divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this even a question? Why would you ever consider hiding this from your kids? From reading previous posters, it feels like you think being married before is a SHAMEFUL experience, what is wrong with you? Divorces do happen and are part of life, grow up people!

Thanks for the lecture.

[Anonymous]

When he's old enough to understand and asks or if it comes up naturally in a conversation.