Do you plan on telling your children that you were married before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I don't know. No one currently in my life besides my family and my current husband know that I was married before briefly, years ago. I rarely even think of it myself. I wouldn't want to hide it from my kids, but I can't imagine how it will come up naturally either.

Kids use the Internets.

There is no record of my marriage that could be turned up by Googling.

You and your spouse didn't apply for a marriage license? No record of divorce/annulment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I don't know. No one currently in my life besides my family and my current husband know that I was married before briefly, years ago. I rarely even think of it myself. I wouldn't want to hide it from my kids, but I can't imagine how it will come up naturally either.

Earlier poster whose mom doesn't know that I know she was married. An aunt got tipsy at a Christmas party and told me. Don't let your kids find out from someone else pp. If you're ever talking to your children about life when you were younger, just mention you were married before. No big deal. It's a silly thing to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I don't know. No one currently in my life besides my family and my current husband know that I was married before briefly, years ago. I rarely even think of it myself. I wouldn't want to hide it from my kids, but I can't imagine how it will come up naturally either.

Kids use the Internets.

There is no record of my marriage that could be turned up by Googling.

You and your spouse didn't apply for a marriage license? No record of divorce/annulment?

I said by Googling. Most states' public records are not searchable online. You have to sign up for a membership on something like ancestry.com. So sure, someone could find it if they were looking specifically for marriage or divorce records, but if you Google me, you're not going to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good question. I don't know. No one currently in my life besides my family and my current husband know that I was married before briefly, years ago. I rarely even think of it myself. I wouldn't want to hide it from my kids, but I can't imagine how it will come up naturally either.

Kids use the Internets.

There is no record of my marriage that could be turned up by Googling.

You and your spouse didn't apply for a marriage license? No record of divorce/annulment?

I said by Googling. Most states' public records are not searchable online. You have to sign up for a membership on something like ancestry.com. So sure, someone could find it if they were looking specifically for marriage or divorce records, but if you Google me, you're not going to find it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the double post. Stupid phone.

[Anonymous]

Sure. No reason not to.

[Anonymous]

Tell. Just because kids deserve the truth. I was told when I was 12 that I had a half-sister. It was really, really weird to suddenly realize that all along I'd always had the sister I always wanted, but by then I really only identified as being the only girl. Even if there are no kids involved, it's part of your history and made you who your kids know you as.

[Anonymous]

I agree that they or their kids will find out about it someday. An early marriage-and-divorce in my family was discovered by by others in looking through family files. However, even if those records had been destroyed, I would have found out about it through my genealogy research on ancestry.com. (Once a person is in your family tree, they'll suggest all sorts of public records that match up with that person's name and date.)

I'm not sure what is to gain by keeping it a secret, especially if it was a public event that family and friends knew about at the time. Did you find out that you weren't a good match? Good life lesson for your kids to know about.

[Anonymous]

My husband was married previously - no kids and he divorced a few yrs before we met. He never meant to keep it a secret, but realized when our child was 8 that he never told her. He made a point of telling her when we were all together. She asked questions and still does from time to time. The most important thing, it isn't a taboo subject in our home. And... it provided my husband with an opportunity to talk about how important good communication is in a marriage and what he learned from his first marriage failing. BTW, our daughter was initally confused re: her relationship to my husband's ex-wife - she wonder if she was her step mom? If she had kids, would they be her step siblings? We quickly cleared that one up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe that you would consider keeping this from them.

+1 No way they won't find out anyway.

[Anonymous]

I told my DC recently in answer to a question DC asked - felt good to say it out loud & know it wouldn't be a secret. I found out family secret (I was a love child) by accident and it felt strange. Better to get the truth out.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a big deal. My mom had a photo album rule: once the pictures were put into the family album they could never be removed. She considered it part of our history and you can’t change it.

Boyfriend and girlfriend pictures rarely made the album but there are a few, only after we had been dating for several years. Of us five kids three have been divorced and the wedding pictures are still there.

[Anonymous]

When they're older...I had a quickie 6 month marriage when I was 19. No one knew about it.

[Anonymous]

We told our kids about my DH's first marriage which only lasted a year w/ no kids. We told them when they were about 6 or 7. We didn't make a big deal of it, but thought it was important they heard it from us and not from a relative/friend who mentioned it in passing, etc. I've also told my kids about past relationships I had even though I wasn't married. I think telling kids about our lives is natural, so I'm not sure how it wouldn't come up "naturally." Tell your kids when they're old enough, but don't wait too long or it will be weird, IMO.

[Anonymous]

If they don't find out until they are older they will wonder why you lied and what else you are keeping from them.