SIL demands apology

[Anonymous]

Your husband was in the wrong, but you weren't involved in his actions. I would respond to SIL privately that it was DH who posted the comment, you did not post it or condone posting it, and she needs to speak to him directly about why he did it. I would not apologize on his behalf, he is a grown man.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, your husband is on the "spectrum", the asshole spectrum. He owes his sister an apology stat.

[Anonymous]

OP here. As mentioned in my post, DH can be blunt and harsh, his way of talking, spectrum or not, and over the years I have set boundaries to deal with this, and sometimes just ignore if trivial. All cases I let him know he has been unduly harsh and that it is concerning.
And more often than not, they make sense but just delivered harshly, runs in his family. Not an excuse but reality.

Back to topic at hand:

The tattoo is supposed to be a lion eating an elephant, SIL had given a lengthy description to explain this.
I do not know specifics since SIL deleted entire post and all comments not just his (why is that?), but as per DH others were insinuating as well. One friend had said 'I like your description better than the tattoo', Yeah but SIL does not have description on her body and felt that a 10 line wording was necessary to describe what it signified. And apparently, DH and SIL had 2-3 back and forth postings on her FB post, regarding if it is more like a lion or cow, which in my opinion she should not have stooped to if this meant so much to her.

So yes others and myself do think the tattoo was poorly made, she still has it under her photos sections, hence I know. I would love to post the picture, but that would be revealing too much , but you guys can imagine a cow with shoes masquerading as a lion with patches on its back to signify parts of elephant. Will pass for comical caricature and cartoonist, maybe that was what the artist had in mind?

So I agree with DH intention, he said since it is on her body and not a painting on a house wall, it becomes all the more important to be direct and honest and let her know, as she seems to be unaware and in denial and true friends will do this. On the other hand, it is on her body and she has significance attached to it, so she is more sensitive to it.

I am aghast with the FB delivery as well and typically never do more than a like on FB in public. So question is still how would you deliver the message? Be like the above friend and insinuate and hope SIL gets message? Just ignore and laugh at it behind her back? Email, text, phone, face to face? Any thoughts, apart from the PP asshole remarks?

As for current situation, I emailed my SIL, it is unfortunate, I am sorry & sad the whole thing happened, but they need to talk to each other to sort it out. I am not going to get in between them.

[Anonymous]

MY husband has Asperger's, and he would NEVER do something like this!
Manners, OP. Anyone can learn them.

Show your husband this thread, then demand he apologize to his sister. They may have a conflicted relationship, but he should be mature enough to apologize. When she's the one behaving badly, that will be an opportunity for him to model good behavior.

[Anonymous]

this sounds like an awful tattoo. Why she would do something like this to herself is insane, but DH should have kept his thoughts to himself, i mean it's permanent! It's not like she can erase the ugly thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this sounds like an awful tattoo. Why she would do something like this to herself is insane, but DH should have kept his thoughts to himself, i mean it's permanent! It's not like she can erase the ugly thing.

OP here, True it is awful, to add more to the story, she is not in US and in a country where tattoos are not common place so DH thinks she has been fooled. He is telling me she should get it removed.
And it is not his sister but his brother's wife.

[Anonymous]

So I agree with DH intention, he said since it is on her body and not a painting on a house wall, it becomes all the more important to be direct and honest and let her know, as she seems to be unaware and in denial and true friends will do this. On the other hand, it is on her body and she has significance attached to it, so she is more sensitive to it.


I don't understand you at all, OP. Since it's on her body (and permanent and unremovable) it's more important to insult her and not be diplomatic about it than if it were removable and washable from a wall? WHAT.THE.FUCK???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this sounds like an awful tattoo. Why she would do something like this to herself is insane, but DH should have kept his thoughts to himself, i mean it's permanent! It's not like she can erase the ugly thing.

OP here, True it is awful, to add more to the story, she is not in US and in a country where tattoos are not common place so DH thinks she has been fooled. He is telling me she should get it removed.
And it is not his sister but his brother's wife.

And she's not even here, so you had to pass judgment on someone you have not even seen in person???

[Anonymous]

Op and her husband sound made for each other. I'm glad I dont know them!

[Anonymous]

Ignore it and laugh behind her back, this is much better than being mean to her face.

Also, pasting things on face book is not really asking for opinions. It may seem like it at first but it is not.

Children learn not not be mean, so can adults.

Your husband seems to enjoy being nasty and is using 'honesty' as a veil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this sounds like an awful tattoo. Why she would do something like this to herself is insane, but DH should have kept his thoughts to himself, i mean it's permanent! It's not like she can erase the ugly thing.

OP here, True it is awful, to add more to the story, she is not in US and in a country where tattoos are not common place so DH thinks she has been fooled. He is telling me she should get it removed.
And it is not his sister but his brother's wife.

And she's not even here, so you had to pass judgment on someone you have not even seen in person???

OP here, I dont know how this is relevant
We travel and see each other, and as you might know we have planes and such things.
I mentioned out of country, just for the fact that she probably got the tattoo from a guy who did not know what he was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore it and laugh behind her back, this is much better than being mean to her face.

Also, pasting things on face book is not really asking for opinions. It may seem like it at first but it is not.

Children learn not not be mean, so can adults.

Your husband seems to enjoy being nasty and is using 'honesty' as a veil.

OP here, kind of agree with this, I would have ignored and laughed behind her back. He felt compelled to act and kind of enjoyed pointing this out.

[Anonymous]

Just apologize and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

The thing about brutal honesty is that so many people are in it for the brutal not the honest.

The rule of thumb is only to point out personal thing if they are easily corrected. Zipper down, spinach in teeth etc.

I suspect your husband has run into issues surrounding this type of behavior before and thinks the problem is them not him. He's wrong.

[Anonymous]

I am aghast with the FB delivery as well and typically never do more than a like on FB in public. So question is still how would you deliver the message? Be like the above friend and insinuate and hope SIL gets message? Just ignore and laugh at it behind her back? Email, text, phone, face to face? Any thoughts, apart from the PP asshole remarks?

I wouldn't. It's not your job to tell her. Even if it were remotely appropriate to tell someone that their tattoo is ugly (hint: IT ISN'T), she has already received the message, in an extremely hurtful way. Now you both STFU, except for your DH, who really, really, really needs to apologize. Nothing in your description of his reality changes that.