SIL demands apology
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Anonymous
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So SIL (my DH's brother's wife) got a tattoo, posted photo on FB. The tattoo is of a lion along with with the names of her, her DH and her DC written as well. She described it in the FB post as signifying courage and strength.
My DH commented that it looked more like a cow than a lion, and went on to describe some unsightly features of the tattoo and why it does not look like a lion at all. She is enraged, unfriended both DH & I and is demanding an apology from DH, and there is a stand off. And now sent me a note asking me for an explanation as to why DH did this. Now it is true that it looks like a cow with shoes on and a pattern on its back, no hair, no mane, no lion like expression or form. But I am unsure what is FB etiquette, is it ok to post such frank comments publicly, she says he should have told her in person so she can retaliate, but instead this comment was on her FB wall for 2 days before she could get to it and delete it, causing public humiliation for her. I am also curious since DH as perceived by me can be blunt and rude, but he claims he is on spectrum and prefers being direct , whereas my SIL is also very emotional and has problems with few other family members. Thoughts? Is she overreacting, or is he at fault, or both, and how best can this be addressed? |
Anonymous
| Your husband is a dick. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. |
Anonymous
| Your husband was wrong and very rude. If he doesn't like it he should have kept his mouth shut. |
Anonymous
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My thoughts? Your DH is an asshole. The tattoo is permanent, and she clearly was proud of it. It has significant meaning for her. Now every time she looks at it, she's going to remember your DH's rude words.
Here's some etiquette for facebook, tattoos, and just life in general: think before you speak, don't humiliate people in public, and don't be an ass. |
Anonymous
| Your husband shouldn't have made those comments. But if I were you I would not be in touch with SIL about it and say she should talk to him. Then tell him to apologize to her for making the remarks and for making them publicly. |
Anonymous
| Your husband did something really hurtful and unfeeling to his sister. However, it is absurd for her to lay this at your feet demanding some sort of explanation from you for his behavior. He's not your child, he's your adult husband. |
Anonymous
| post the pic |
Anonymous
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Syaing something rude to someone is wrong regardless of whether you do it in person or online.
Your husband knew that the tattoo had meaning for her and telling her it looked like a cow was immature and rude. It was an insult and he knew that. It would be like someone telling you your baby is ugly or looks like a frog or monkey or whatever. Just because he has an opinion doesn't mean he needs to voice it if it is hurtful. That is different than being direct in a situation that calls for directness. You should not be involved. It is up to your husband to do the right thing and apologize. |
Anonymous
ITA. OP, your husband wasn't being direct. He was flat out mean. There was no reason for him to comment and nothing good could possible ever come out of his comment. I can hardly believe you even question whether she is overreacting. What possible fault could she have in this situation. If I were in your shoes, I would throw my husband under the bus on this one. I'd call her and tell her how sorry you are that he said such a mean and cruel thing and that you feel terrible for her. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior and I wouldn't ever try to defend it. |
Anonymous
| I would totally throw my husband under the bus on this and call him out. He sounds like an asshole. I can't believe you are defending his behavior. In my eyes that makes you an asshole too, not as much as your husband, but still an asshole. Glad I'm not friends with people like you! |
Anonymous
+1 The fact that you can't see that yourself is equally as troubling. |
Anonymous
| I'm sort of sad for you OP to get a read on whether or not what your husband did was wrong. How could there be a y question? Which makes me think that perhaps your husband goes through like belittling and saying hurtful thinks thoughtlessly to anyone, including his family. Are you a regular target of his "frank" assessments? Is this guy an emotional abuser? |
Anonymous
+1 OP, can you really not see that your husband is totally in the wrong? I can't believe you even posted as if there was some ambiguity! |
Anonymous
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Don't respond publicly on Facebook. Any other communication about this should be on the phone between your DH and his sister.
Frankly, one should never share something on Facebook that they can't handle a snarky remark about. |
Anonymous
I don't think it was a snarky comment. It was downright rude and mean. |