What kind of problems do ugly women have?

[Anonymous]

My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence. To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.

[Anonymous]

Long armpit hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence. To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.

I'm the ugly 35 year old poster. My parents and my husband think I'm beautiful and brilliant, and tell me so often. They're wrong (on both counts) by any objective standard. It's simply that they know and love me, and so view me through a different lens than a stranger would.

The issues with my appearance are not due to a lack of confidence, lack of an advanced degree (I have one), lack of a good career (I have one), or failure to do my hair/wear makeup/dress nicely. I'm just not an attractive person, period.

[Anonymous]

I think all of these "just get a makeover!" Posters must be average-looking women who just. Don't. Get. It.

Yes, when you wake up, your hair is gross and your face is bumpy and your figure isn't flattered by pajamas. That isn't what ugly is. We aren't talkig about average-looking women who aren't "conventionally attractive," who just aren't putting enough effort in. I get up, shower shave my legs and pits, blow-dry and curl my hair, pluck my eyebrows, apply moisturizer, concealer, foundation, powder, blush, mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick (all according to the rules taught by every makeover show and pretty friend who has ever made me momentarily believe I was fixable), put on my best clothes, which fit and flatter me to the best degree possible, and I am now the same degree of attractive that you are when you wake up.

And yes, a lot of ugly people don't put in much effort, but the causality goes the other direction. If I am always going to be the least attractive woman in the room, then is it really worth the effort to do all that to get myself to a 3/10, rather than just throwing on something comfy and being a 1/10 like God apparently intended? A lot of the time it's not worth it. It doesn't matter if I am my best, because my best is STILL the ugliest girl in the room. If you are average- or above-average-looking, then it pays to dress up. You might go from a 3 to a 6, or a 6 to a 9! But I will never not be the ugly one, so I may as well wear these pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get picked on because their clothing is outdated...

...many women just need to be tweaked to show their beauty.

Maybe your eyes need to be 'tweaked' to recognize beauty?

It's not entirely your fault; you live in a culture obsessed with superficial shit. It's not that hard to wipe away, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence. To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.

I'm the ugly 35 year old poster. My parents and my husband think I'm beautiful and brilliant, and tell me so often. They're wrong (on both counts) by any objective standard. It's simply that they know and love me, and so view me through a different lens than a stranger would.

The issues with my appearance are not due to a lack of confidence, lack of an advanced degree (I have one), lack of a good career (I have one), or failure to do my hair/wear makeup/dress nicely. I'm just not an attractive person, period.

It could also be that your own perception of yourself is not as objective as you think. You define your looks as ugly and it sounds like a few people's comments have cemented that in your head. It could be that the mast majority of the population wouldn't think you were ugly. Your husband was attracted to you for you two to start dating. Different people define ugly differently so many may not see you as ugly at all. I can't think of a single person I know who I would consider to be ugly.

[Anonymous]

I was quite unattractive until my early thirties, when I had a nose job & lipo, got contacts, and began spending $700 every 4 months on Japanese hair straightening. I also began getting my hair colored (it would otherwise be gray). It turns out having glossy, blonde hair is a lot more appealing than having hugely thick & frizzy (think Roseanna Roseannadanna) gray hair. Anyway, I am probably above average now, and that's fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence. To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.

I'm the ugly 35 year old poster. My parents and my husband think I'm beautiful and brilliant, and tell me so often. They're wrong (on both counts) by any objective standard. It's simply that they know and love me, and so view me through a different lens than a stranger would.

The issues with my appearance are not due to a lack of confidence, lack of an advanced degree (I have one), lack of a good career (I have one), or failure to do my hair/wear makeup/dress nicely. I'm just not an attractive person, period.

It could also be that your own perception of yourself is not as objective as you think. You define your looks as ugly and it sounds like a few people's comments have cemented that in your head. It could be that the mast majority of the population wouldn't think you were ugly. Your husband was attracted to you for you two to start dating. Different people define ugly differently so many may not see you as ugly at all. I can't think of a single person I know who I would consider to be ugly.

I just google imaged ugly women to get a sense of what people consider and would tag as ugly women. The selection seems to be - morbidly obese in lingerie, very bad teeth, physical facial deformities, really bad hair or bald, looking drunk/stoned, women with facial hair and facial piercings / tattoos.

[Anonymous]

I saw someone on here post about an I faint daycare teacher I know. Said she was special needs or developmentally disabled, and there was no way she'd leave her kid there. What could the center be thinking, hiring someone like that?

She's not attractive, but very witty and loving. No special needs at all. I think that's the first time I realized how much looks could impact someone's perception of you. Scary.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe you ladies are as ugly as you think you are. Unattractive, but not ugly. You can only be ugly if you're a terrible person.

I believe people are funny looking, but that changes once you get used to them. I worked with a guy who looked like Ichabod Crane, huge nose, weak chin, wild hair. But he has the most beautiful blue eyes and an amazing heart

[Anonymous]

In their dreams, they want a Chris Cuomo, but in reality, they end up with Jeffery Toobin (and his kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either invisible or bullied.

Once, a coworker actually said to someone else while the three of us were chatting something about how women like me (ugly) aren't the type to be asked to get married. As soon as it was out of her mouth she got embarrassed but still.

People always assume I don't want to be in a picture or they don't want me to be in their picture, so I wind up invited to play photographer a LOT.

I am physically touched very little.

This may just be shallow people, but sometimes people will pick one feature of mine and then fawn over it, always though it is followed by asking me for a favor. I don't know why it is assumed that ugly = too dumb to notice.

I'm not treated "like a lady." Doors are constantly dropped on me by people walking ahead. I can be the only person standing on the train, then an average to pretty woman boards and two men will jump to give up their seats for her.


Pretty women will do the humble-brag and then act like I'm so lucky to not have to worry about their problem of two great men being interested in me.

Not trying to be mean, genuinely curious. Most "ugly" people are ones who do not take care of themselves and are not really ugly. They get picked on because their clothing is outdated, they still wear bright pink lipstick, their hair is stuck in the 80's, wear pigtales, side pony tales, etc. My aunt for example would be picked on for her clothing and hair choice- but she doesn't want to cut her hair so she is a 60+ woman sporting the ill fitting clothing, outdated makeup and long long long hair that she gets put in a French braid, etc. My mother and her share several traits but my mother looks nothing like her probably because the kids nag her about hair, clothing, make up.

So, have you considered a make over? Or are you saying you need plastic surgery? I also think confidence goes a long way...

I am fairly confident. But I've also seen good looking men cringe when they mistake my friendliness for flirting (I've had guy friends confirm this - that they are embarrassed at the idea of someone ever thinking they'd be interested in me back). I have unfortunate skin (it's now as good as it gets without extensive plastic surgery that I can't afford) and unfortunate hair (super thick and frizzy and quick growing - if it grew slower I'd consider Keretin straightening if I could afford it), etc. My clothes are great. Keep in mind I spend Friday nights at home, so I've logged YEARS of advice from Stacey and Clinton on their show. I'm just ugly. No way around it. And I haven't rocked a side ponytail since sixth grade.

PP, I can relate a lot.

I've early 30s, but for years have been just straight up not attractive. I've gotten so many comments from acquaintances and strangers (the people that I choose as my friends don't comment on my appearance negatively) about how I am unattractive. In middle school, I was voted by a group of boys the ugliest girl in school. I would go to bars with my friends, and all of them would get some kind of male attention, or a group of guys would come up to talk to us, and I would be the only one they ignored. In fact, I distinctly remember trying to talk to one of the guys, and he rolled his eyes and walked away. My hair is frizzy, my skin is not so great, I'm short and tend towards the chubby, but moreso my body shape, regardless of how thin I get, is just off. Small boobs, broader shoulders, always have a tummy. Let's just say, I didn't win the genetic lottery.

I've spent years feeling bad about it, but then I just stopped caring. I realized, I just need to look the best I can. I invested in some good skin care products which have made my skin look slightly more average (not great like some people - but better than it would look), I religiously get my hair cut and styled every 8 weeks and I do my hair all the time (there is no wash and let dry for me), I exercise religiously so even if my body is not "hot" at least I'm healthy (I'm still chubby and frumpy, but I've got some muscle), and I found a husband and friends that value me for me, that love me regardless of the fact that I gained 35 pounds during pregnancy that I haven't gotten off 3 years later and that my eyes are too close together and that my nose is a weird combination of fat, round and pointy.

But I am still not attractive. It's okay, I love myself. But I'm not going to pretend I'm something that I'm not. So people that say "Well, everyone can be pretty", that is not true. Some of us are just unattractive. I used to feel terrible about it, but the key is to find people that don't care about your appearance. And it all evens out as we get older, cause everyone tends toward the ugly later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what makes you think you are ugly? At what age do you look at yourself and admit/realize you are ugly and just accept it if there is such a thing?

If you have to ask, you really can't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence. To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.

I'm the ugly 35 year old poster. My parents and my husband think I'm beautiful and brilliant, and tell me so often. They're wrong (on both counts) by any objective standard. It's simply that they know and love me, and so view me through a different lens than a stranger would.

The issues with my appearance are not due to a lack of confidence, lack of an advanced degree (I have one), lack of a good career (I have one), or failure to do my hair/wear makeup/dress nicely. I'm just not an attractive person, period.

It could also be that your own perception of yourself is not as objective as you think. You define your looks as ugly and it sounds like a few people's comments have cemented that in your head. It could be that the mast majority of the population wouldn't think you were ugly. Your husband was attracted to you for you two to start dating. Different people define ugly differently so many may not see you as ugly at all. I can't think of a single person I know who I would consider to be ugly.

I agree. I can't think of anyone I know that is ugly either. Sure, some people are more attractive than others and some are downright beautiful, but I don't know anyone that I would consider ugly. Everyone has SOMETHING attractive or appealing about them.

[Anonymous]

Dear Amazing "Ugly" Woman On This Thread,

You all sound amazing. I would love to be friends with you.

Thank you for your eloquent and humorous perspectives on something that people do not talk about. It is hard to get people to admit that there is not a "fix" for everything that is deemed by culture as being "unattractive".

Note: I do not personally believe that you "need" to "fix" these "unattractive" things. I wish that we could, instead, "fix" the social messaging that devalues people who are not considered attractive.

If all my friends were as confident and self aware as you all, I would consider myself very lucky indeed.

Signed,

Girl who has always been pretty by conventional standards