What kind of problems do ugly women have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either invisible or bullied.

Once, a coworker actually said to someone else while the three of us were chatting something about how women like me (ugly) aren't the type to be asked to get married. As soon as it was out of her mouth she got embarrassed but still.

People always assume I don't want to be in a picture or they don't want me to be in their picture, so I wind up invited to play photographer a LOT.

I am physically touched very little.

This may just be shallow people, but sometimes people will pick one feature of mine and then fawn over it, always though it is followed by asking me for a favor. I don't know why it is assumed that ugly = too dumb to notice.

I'm not treated "like a lady." Doors are constantly dropped on me by people walking ahead. I can be the only person standing on the train, then an average to pretty woman boards and two men will jump to give up their seats for her.


Pretty women will do the humble-brag and then act like I'm so lucky to not have to worry about their problem of two great men being interested in me.

Not trying to be mean, genuinely curious. Most "ugly" people are ones who do not take care of themselves and are not really ugly. They get picked on because their clothing is outdated, they still wear bright pink lipstick, their hair is stuck in the 80's, wear pigtales, side pony tales, etc. My aunt for example would be picked on for her clothing and hair choice- but she doesn't want to cut her hair so she is a 60+ woman sporting the ill fitting clothing, outdated makeup and long long long hair that she gets put in a French braid, etc. My mother and her share several traits but my mother looks nothing like her probably because the kids nag her about hair, clothing, make up.

So, have you considered a make over? Or are you saying you need plastic surgery? I also think confidence goes a long way...

I am fairly confident. But I've also seen good looking men cringe when they mistake my friendliness for flirting (I've had guy friends confirm this - that they are embarrassed at the idea of someone ever thinking they'd be interested in me back). I have unfortunate skin (it's now as good as it gets without extensive plastic surgery that I can't afford) and unfortunate hair (super thick and frizzy and quick growing - if it grew slower I'd consider Keretin straightening if I could afford it), etc. My clothes are great. Keep in mind I spend Friday nights at home, so I've logged YEARS of advice from Stacey and Clinton on their show. I'm just ugly. No way around it. And I haven't rocked a side ponytail since sixth grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either invisible or bullied.

Once, a coworker actually said to someone else while the three of us were chatting something about how women like me (ugly) aren't the type to be asked to get married. As soon as it was out of her mouth she got embarrassed but still.

People always assume I don't want to be in a picture or they don't want me to be in their picture, so I wind up invited to play photographer a LOT.

I am physically touched very little.

This may just be shallow people, but sometimes people will pick one feature of mine and then fawn over it, always though it is followed by asking me for a favor. I don't know why it is assumed that ugly = too dumb to notice.

I'm not treated "like a lady." Doors are constantly dropped on me by people walking ahead. I can be the only person standing on the train, then an average to pretty woman boards and two men will jump to give up their seats for her.


Pretty women will do the humble-brag and then act like I'm so lucky to not have to worry about their problem of two great men being interested in me.

Not trying to be mean, genuinely curious. Most "ugly" people are ones who do not take care of themselves and are not really ugly. They get picked on because their clothing is outdated, they still wear bright pink lipstick, their hair is stuck in the 80's, wear pigtales, side pony tales, etc. My aunt for example would be picked on for her clothing and hair choice- but she doesn't want to cut her hair so she is a 60+ woman sporting the ill fitting clothing, outdated makeup and long long long hair that she gets put in a French braid, etc. My mother and her share several traits but my mother looks nothing like her probably because the kids nag her about hair, clothing, make up.

So, have you considered a make over? Or are you saying you need plastic surgery? I also think confidence goes a long way...

You say you aren't trying to be mean, but you are very mean. This woman doesn't need a make over. And she never mentioned plastic surgery.

I wish women like you didn't post. You are cruel.

[Anonymous]

How you present yourself is as important as your physical look. Uglier people can look confident and secure by how they walk and talk and present themselves. Often this confidence puts other people at ease and there is less invisibility / negative reactions. Prettier people don't really have to do this - people notice them and talk to them because their physical look puts people at ease.

Ugly is relative. If you take some supermodels who have unique looks and saw them without make-up / hair done and in regular clothes - you wouldn't think of them as pretty at all.

Also uglier people tend to become part of the in crowd by having another quality that wows people like a great sense of humor or a very outgoing personality. Prettier people are automatically in and don't have to work to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what makes you think you are ugly? At what age do you look at yourself and admit/realize you are ugly and just accept it if there is such a thing?

You know how some people go through an awkward phase? I did the reverse. I went through a cute phase from about 3-5. Then I went into an ugly phase and just ... stayed there. Forever. I'm now in my late 30's. I'd say some time in my late 20's I realized this is as good as I'm going to get. People always want to think there's some way to pretty me up, so every once in a while I'll do what they say. So I used a personal shopper, I switched from waxing my eyebrows to threading them (hurts much more), etc. Still ugly. It's a shame I'm not gay because women are so much less visual than men, but they just don't appeal to me the way men do.

What makes me think I'm ugly? You mean aside from the fact that I have 35+ years under my belt of looking at people and listening to others talk about those people's looks? People have flat-out told me I'm ugly. "Damn girl, you hit EVERY branch!" I've heard them all. Even homeless people have told me "Nobody wants to see that!" or other variations. You'll just have to trust me.

[Anonymous]

Jase Robertson was escorted out the door of his swanky NYC hotel last week because the concierge he asked thought he was homeless. He is far from homeless and different people perceive things differently. The funny thing is he was there on GMAs dime so just because you are 'ugly' doesn't mean you are not successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what makes you think you are ugly? At what age do you look at yourself and admit/realize you are ugly and just accept it if there is such a thing?

You know how some people go through an awkward phase? I did the reverse. I went through a cute phase from about 3-5. Then I went into an ugly phase and just ... stayed there. Forever. I'm now in my late 30's. I'd say some time in my late 20's I realized this is as good as I'm going to get. People always want to think there's some way to pretty me up, so every once in a while I'll do what they say. So I used a personal shopper, I switched from waxing my eyebrows to threading them (hurts much more), etc. Still ugly. It's a shame I'm not gay because women are so much less visual than men, but they just don't appeal to me the way men do.

What makes me think I'm ugly? You mean aside from the fact that I have 35+ years under my belt of looking at people and listening to others talk about those people's looks? People have flat-out told me I'm ugly. "Damn girl, you hit EVERY branch!" I've heard them all. Even homeless people have told me "Nobody wants to see that!" or other variations. You'll just have to trust me.

I really think you are exaggerating. I am sure there is something beautiful about you that you are not seeing. You talked about bad skin and bad hair. You can change the bad hair by trying other hairstyles, different color maybe? different curls? different length? What would you say is your best feature? How about you accentuate that feature? You said you are into men, so im guessing you have dated/had a boyfriend or are married. What did those men think? Did they also think you were ugly?

[Anonymous]

At least one of my good friends is drop dead gorgeous. There is a world of difference between how men and women treat her/them.

Women generally hate gorgeous women, it can make them crazy and act out. I have been along and have seen it first hand. I'm Plain Jane. "Every day" looking women can be extremely jealous and irrational about having a gorgeous woman close by. They feel especially threatened if it is a more permanent situation i.e.: having to see them every day at work or as a close neighbor, for example.

Great post, OP. I too am curious about those who see themselves as "ugly". I wonder if they act out, even if they are are not as ugly as they think they are? Make sense?

[Anonymous]

No dates until at least college, perhaps grad school or beyond.
Invisible
Other girls/women trust you to go places with their boyfirends/husbands
People will cut you in line
People think you are lesbian (mainly because you do not date)
People assume you can work late, Friday nights, on the weekend
Guys ignore you while they chat up your friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either invisible or bullied.

Once, a coworker actually said to someone else while the three of us were chatting something about how women like me (ugly) aren't the type to be asked to get married. As soon as it was out of her mouth she got embarrassed but still.

People always assume I don't want to be in a picture or they don't want me to be in their picture, so I wind up invited to play photographer a LOT.

I am physically touched very little.

This may just be shallow people, but sometimes people will pick one feature of mine and then fawn over it, always though it is followed by asking me for a favor. I don't know why it is assumed that ugly = too dumb to notice.

I'm not treated "like a lady." Doors are constantly dropped on me by people walking ahead. I can be the only person standing on the train, then an average to pretty woman boards and two men will jump to give up their seats for her.


Pretty women will do the humble-brag and then act like I'm so lucky to not have to worry about their problem of two great men being interested in me.

Not trying to be mean, genuinely curious. Most "ugly" people are ones who do not take care of themselves and are not really ugly. They get picked on because their clothing is outdated, they still wear bright pink lipstick, their hair is stuck in the 80's, wear pigtales, side pony tales, etc. My aunt for example would be picked on for her clothing and hair choice- but she doesn't want to cut her hair so she is a 60+ woman sporting the ill fitting clothing, outdated makeup and long long long hair that she gets put in a French braid, etc. My mother and her share several traits but my mother looks nothing like her probably because the kids nag her about hair, clothing, make up.

So, have you considered a make over? Or are you saying you need plastic surgery? I also think confidence goes a long way...

You say you aren't trying to be mean, but you are very mean. This woman doesn't need a make over. And she never mentioned plastic surgery.

I wish women like you didn't post. You are cruel.

My intent was not to be mean or cruel and I'm sorry if it was interpreted that way. I guess I don't think of people as ugly rather many women just need to be tweaked to show their beauty. When you see me in the morning after being up several times with the baby, hair in a pony tail, no make up, wearing sweats, I'm not looking pretty. However, once I'm rested, showered, hair done and in correctly fitting clothes, I look like a different person. Not trying to offend, I just can't think of anyone I know who I would classify as "ugly". When you watch the make over shows, they are remarkable and change things very easily with clothing, a haircut and make up. Again, sorry to offend.

[Anonymous]

I don't think any woman has to be "ugly." I know so many women who are not conventionally pretty but they work at everything - hair styles, makeup, clothes, stay in shape, highlights, etc etc. So, they look attractive and they are perceived as attractive. However, without any makeup, a bad haircut and a few extra pounds and frumpy clothes, they are downright ugly.

[Anonymous]

Yes do tell? I can't imagine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am either invisible or bullied.

Once, a coworker actually said to someone else while the three of us were chatting something about how women like me (ugly) aren't the type to be asked to get married. As soon as it was out of her mouth she got embarrassed but still.

People always assume I don't want to be in a picture or they don't want me to be in their picture, so I wind up invited to play photographer a LOT.

I am physically touched very little.

This may just be shallow people, but sometimes people will pick one feature of mine and then fawn over it, always though it is followed by asking me for a favor. I don't know why it is assumed that ugly = too dumb to notice.

I'm not treated "like a lady." Doors are constantly dropped on me by people walking ahead. I can be the only person standing on the train, then an average to pretty woman boards and two men will jump to give up their seats for her.


Pretty women will do the humble-brag and then act like I'm so lucky to not have to worry about their problem of two great men being interested in me.

Not trying to be mean, genuinely curious. Most "ugly" people are ones who do not take care of themselves and are not really ugly. They get picked on because their clothing is outdated, they still wear bright pink lipstick, their hair is stuck in the 80's, wear pigtales, side pony tales, etc. My aunt for example would be picked on for her clothing and hair choice- but she doesn't want to cut her hair so she is a 60+ woman sporting the ill fitting clothing, outdated makeup and long long long hair that she gets put in a French braid, etc. My mother and her share several traits but my mother looks nothing like her probably because the kids nag her about hair, clothing, make up.

So, have you considered a make over? Or are you saying you need plastic surgery? I also think confidence goes a long way...

You say you aren't trying to be mean, but you are very mean. This woman doesn't need a make over. And she never mentioned plastic surgery.

I wish women like you didn't post. You are cruel.

My intent was not to be mean or cruel and I'm sorry if it was interpreted that way. I guess I don't think of people as ugly rather many women just need to be tweaked to show their beauty. When you see me in the morning after being up several times with the baby, hair in a pony tail, no make up, wearing sweats, I'm not looking pretty. However, once I'm rested, showered, hair done and in correctly fitting clothes, I look like a different person. Not trying to offend, I just can't think of anyone I know who I would classify as "ugly". When you watch the make over shows, they are remarkable and change things very easily with clothing, a haircut and make up. Again, sorry to offend.

I had a good friend who was considered ugly. Many many men have commented to me how ugly she was. She was very cool, rich, had great clothes and a great body. But she had a very big crooked nose, and problems with jaw/chin and skin. I got used to her looks but remembered being kind od shocked this first time I saw her.

Till her mid twenties she never had a date. We lost touch and I saw her in her early thirties. She clearly had significant plastic surgery and looked above average. She was with a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I am 27 years old and ugly. I have been on zero dates, and agree that lots of men are rude/uncomfortable around me because they are afraid someone will think they are interested in me, which would be SO disgusting and embarassing to them. Those who say that it's just a matter of being confident don't get it. When you are average-to-pretty, the worst thing that might happen if you put yourself out there is that a guy will turn you down. When you are ugly, guys will go out of their way to shame you and punish you for not realizing that they are out of your league. Those who are willing to entertain the idea of being with an ugly woman do so because they assume that I would give lots of blow jobs/do anything they want sex-wise/be undemanding in bed, and when they realize that I actually dare to want to get to know them before putting out, they make it clear that I am not worth the effort.

I have been bullied or ignored since middle school. I much prefer ignored. People assume that I will be outgoing and funny. I am not allowed to be serious or introverted, because that's too high-maintenance for a fugly girl. I have only one male friend (gay) because all straight men avoid being seen with me, as it would lower their social standing. I tend to be friends with really beautiful women. I am drawn to them because I have always been fascinated by physically attractive people (a little unhealthy, I know), and because I don't feel competitive towards them the way average-to-pretty women often do. I will be the DUFF regardless of who I am with, so I may as well be friends with stunning women.

I am 5'6" and a size 20. I eat no gluten or corn or white rice. The only sweetener I ever use is honey. I eat almost exclusively whole, organic foods. I don't do as much cardio as I should. I do hike or walk for an hour 2-3 times per week. I have thin, fine hair that is rapidly thinning (have sought medical help, but I can't afford the recommended treatments). I have pale, freckly skin and small eyes. I am luckier than some, in that my skin is bad, but can be plastered over with sufficient quantities of makeup for special occasions. My nose is large, with a bump. I wear makeup and clothes that fit as well as I can find, but it's hard to find clothes that flatter my particular body shape (broad shoulders, small breasts, large hips and thighs). I work with kids, and they often ask me why I am fat, have those "owies" on my face, or when "the pretty teacher" will be back when my co-teacher is absent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 years old and ugly. I have been on zero dates, and agree that lots of men are rude/uncomfortable around me because they are afraid someone will think they are interested in me, which would be SO disgusting and embarassing to them. Those who say that it's just a matter of being confident don't get it. When you are average-to-pretty, the worst thing that might happen if you put yourself out there is that a guy will turn you down. When you are ugly, guys will go out of their way to shame you and punish you for not realizing that they are out of your league. Those who are willing to entertain the idea of being with an ugly woman do so because they assume that I would give lots of blow jobs/do anything they want sex-wise/be undemanding in bed, and when they realize that I actually dare to want to get to know them before putting out, they make it clear that I am not worth the effort.

I have been bullied or ignored since middle school. I much prefer ignored. People assume that I will be outgoing and funny. I am not allowed to be serious or introverted, because that's too high-maintenance for a fugly girl. I have only one male friend (gay) because all straight men avoid being seen with me, as it would lower their social standing. I tend to be friends with really beautiful women. I am drawn to them because I have always been fascinated by physically attractive people (a little unhealthy, I know), and because I don't feel competitive towards them the way average-to-pretty women often do. I will be the DUFF regardless of who I am with, so I may as well be friends with stunning women.

I am 5'6" and a size 20. I eat no gluten or corn or white rice. The only sweetener I ever use is honey. I eat almost exclusively whole, organic foods. I don't do as much cardio as I should. I do hike or walk for an hour 2-3 times per week. I have thin, fine hair that is rapidly thinning (have sought medical help, but I can't afford the recommended treatments). I have pale, freckly skin and small eyes. I am luckier than some, in that my skin is bad, but can be plastered over with sufficient quantities of makeup for special occasions. My nose is large, with a bump. I wear makeup and clothes that fit as well as I can find, but it's hard to find clothes that flatter my particular body shape (broad shoulders, small breasts, large hips and thighs). I work with kids, and they often ask me why I am fat, have those "owies" on my face, or when "the pretty teacher" will be back when my co-teacher is absent.

Amen, sister.
I had one little girl ask one time, "Why do you look like that?" I told her "This is just how I came out." She replied, "Oh .... I'm sorry."

[Anonymous]

Ugly 35 year old woman here. I agree with PPs regarding the attitude of men - all my life I've had men act strangely/awkwardly toward me because they don't want to be mistaken for having any interest in me whatsoever. It's sad; the only real male friends I've ever had have been the boyfriends/husbands of my friends - because it's already assumed there that they won't have any interest in me, so they can just behave normally toward me.

The thing that bothers me most as an adult is not being invisible (I actually like that), but being discounted in the professional realm. That seems to be the default position when I first interact with someone. Usually, though, once they get to know me our interactions are very positive and their approach toward me very different.

At least I'm no longer fat (I was morbidly obese for my entire adult life until 2 years ago). Being ugly AND fat was tough, and I would sometimes get negative comments from perfect strangers. I think that's why I'm fine with being invisible now; it's such a relief to just blend into the crowd.