What one issue strains your relationship with your parents?
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Anonymous
| My parents never visit or have time for me and my kids, although they visit my sister and her kids constantly. |
Anonymous
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My parents are wonderful but their house is so full of stuff I get claustrophobic in there. They're not what I would call hoarders, they're elderly and have accumulated way.too.much stuff. Their house is clean and not dangerous in any way, no old food, no smell, etc. But there's stuff - furniture, art, books, household items, you name it - against nearly every wall in the house. Even a narrow hallway has a storage chest and bookcases inches away as you walk slowly through.
They just never seem to get rid of anything. Makes it hard to visit for long or to stay overnight, I get claustrophobic. When we sit down to a meal it requires ducking around the china cabinet, bookcase, extra table and boxes in the small dining room. |
Anonymous
| I have the patience of a saint and I'm a little hard of hearing - traits that I find come in very handy at times. Learn how to let the little, petty, annoying stuff bounce right off of you. |
Anonymous
+1. Unless you have lived it, you have no idea... OP. If you are staying in HER house, getting your free beach vacation show her enough respect to follow the house rules. Keep your damn rooms neat. Live however you want in your own home but don't expect someone to lower their standards to yours while in their home. Self-centered much? |
Anonymous
In other words: If you're going to accept free gifts with strings attached, you really can't biotch about the strings. |
Anonymous
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Op,
Next year decline the vacation and go do something else or rent your own place. Tell her flat out it is not a vacation with her on your back about keeping the place spotless and that you guys are going to relax this vacation and leave your underwear on the floor until the end of the day. As for my issue with my parents that would be the blatant favoritism of my sibling. |
Anonymous
Just say - "Thanks but no thanks. We're doing something different next year". No need to point out that she's a Blatant "neat freak", just go have fun of your own. |
Anonymous
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That I left. By that I mean left my childhood faith and a household where my father physically abused me. I've forgiven him and my mom for their treatment. But there is an underlying current of tension because I do not accept or operate from the family false picture of perfection perception.
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Anonymous
| Nothing too bad, really. Maybe somewhat different bedtime/waking schedules. And they hate shucking their own corn for dinner which can be annoying, |
Anonymous
| My dad had NPD, went into alcohol fueled rages every 5-7 day, beating the shit out of everyone, trashing the house and terrorizing us. It was horrific. He's been dead for over 25 years and I've worked really hard to give my kids the opposite of what I had growing up. What kills me is that my mother will pontificate on other people's spouses - like there are many people worse than my father. She also won't get rid of stuff I wouldn't call her a hoarder (yet) but she associates objects with memories and has difficulty giving anything up. I'm sure part of it is that my dad would destroy things he knew she valued (like their wedding pictures, letters her brother wrote while a Marine in Vietnam, etc.). I had a bunch of old family stuff that was just cluttering up my life too much (my possessions were possessing me) and I wanted to get rid of it. I offered it to my siblings and cousins, no one wanted it. She lit into me about how it was my heritage, etc. and it should remain in the family, it was important, we should cherish it and take care of it. Being bitchy and pissed, I said "oh, so it's okay for the old man to destroy things but it's not okay for me to get rid of stuff because it doesn't fit my lifestyle and I'll never use it. Should I just have DH break it? That seems to be an acceptable way to get rid of stuff." I swear, she was just about to say the old man never destroyed anything. Instead, she just gave me the stink eye and said she'd take it. That's exactly what she did. Like a PP, her house is so filled up with stuff, I feel claustrophobic in it. Thank goodness she lives half way across the country. |
Anonymous
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With mom: my atheism.
With dad: his stubborness and negativity, his conservatism ( at least he isn't religious) |
Anonymous
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DH.
They actively tried to dissuade me from marrying him. My mother has made outrageous comments about him, and it is just so plain that they think he's worthless and they despise him for it. Apparently an MD/PhD is worthless if you don't bring home a ton of money and be at the top of the management ladder pushing paperwork all day. Forget about actually being in a lab and curing cancer. I have also come to suspect from some of their actions that they think he is after their money (what little they have). Why on earth would they think that? Makes my skin crawl. |
Anonymous
| OP, that's OCD. Poor thing - what a hard way to live! Maybe just close kid's door? |
Anonymous
And this strains your relationship with them? |
Anonymous
Well, sort of I guess. My kids get up at the crack of dawn and I have to keep them quiet until some of the elders in the family roll out of bed around several or more hours later. Then the same elders stay up late and aren't always that quiet. Corn shucking might not sound like that big a deal but when you've got 21 ears to shuck it's a pretty BIG deal. |