FB just freaked me out

[Anonymous]

jindc wrote:My mother lost her first at 8 months. I try to say to myself that it's not genetic, it's the fact that 40 years ago, medicine wasn't as advanced. That if this were today, the baby would be fine. This is why I try to tell myself.
It's hard to explain to people who don't know anyone who has had a late loss how nervous you are. All. The. Time. Like, if I exhale (emotionally) something will happen.

Odds are, the further along you are the less likely anything will happen. But it's a real fear (a fear that many people and care providers think we make up).

It's hard to accept, but bad things happen....I hope tht you can be ok, OP. Maybe a kick counter would help? I have an ap on my phone that includes one. If you fell and are worried, you should definitely call your OB. It can't hurt.

Try having the fear if you yourself lost a baby. Now that is something that nobody can relate to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTW, my friend who lost her baby at 36 weeks was 43. I'm 41. My OB assures me that we'll take the baby early if my placenta seems to be calcifying (which I guess can happen with older moms) but its not that reassuring to me b/c my friend's placenta wasn't calcified at all. She is also a nurse (not OB, but still) and in very good shape, eats a vegetarian diet, etc.

Its one of those things I think we just all have to accept are possibilities that we can't directly control, like car accidents caused by other drivers or acts of nature. Just do the best you can to take care of yourself.

For me, I think the hardest thing about being pregnant for the first time at 41 is knowing all that can go wrong because I've had so many friends who suffered fetal loss. When I was in my 20's, being pregnant meant having a bouncing baby 10 months later. Now I know acutely how lucky I am and don't take a single kick for granted.

My son's placenta calcified, thus, he was 5lbs at birth! Very scary, and I was traumatized. I was almost 43.

[Anonymous]

HEy guys: OP here.

First I apologize if I misused terms. I didn't know that "stillbirth" started at 20 weeks but makes sense. I assumed that fetus was the correct word until 28 weeks when most are viable. I get it now.

I was freaked out last time I typed and I think I'm fine. Baby is moving as usual but my belly hurts and I am cramping more than usual and they are a bit stronger than usual. Doctor recommends 24-48 hours of taking it easy and "pelvic rest" defined as anything that makes cramps happen. For me, that includes walking. Not going to work tomorrow and hope to be back to normal Thursday.

Serious thanks to whomever suggest I call MD. My MD wants to be called immediately when pregnant patients fall. that is great to know! Did y'all know that?

Good night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW, my friend who lost her baby at 36 weeks was 43. I'm 41. My OB assures me that we'll take the baby early if my placenta seems to be calcifying (which I guess can happen with older moms) but its not that reassuring to me b/c my friend's placenta wasn't calcified at all. She is also a nurse (not OB, but still) and in very good shape, eats a vegetarian diet, etc.

Its one of those things I think we just all have to accept are possibilities that we can't directly control, like car accidents caused by other drivers or acts of nature. Just do the best you can to take care of yourself.

For me, I think the hardest thing about being pregnant for the first time at 41 is knowing all that can go wrong because I've had so many friends who suffered fetal loss. When I was in my 20's, being pregnant meant having a bouncing baby 10 months later. Now I know acutely how lucky I am and don't take a single kick for granted.

My son's placenta calcified, thus, he was 5lbs at birth! Very scary, and I was traumatized. I was almost 43.

This happened to a friend of mine and she was...34 not even AMA. Baby is fine but it was really weird that she went to term and this happened. Hadn't heard about it before then.

[Anonymous]

I know 3 people who had still births--one was my mom at 7 months and then 2 others recently who were not AMA. Very scary. My mom had a weak cervix and back then, they did not catch those things. And she was a smoker.

I don't count kicks, but I feel her move a lot (I'm 32 weeks). I think if you are ever nervous your baby has been too still, take a drink of something really cold or sugary and that should get it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as you were just hit with the news. Please DON'T call the stillborn baby "fetus", especially not within earshot of your grieving friend. It's a loaded term that minimizes the loss of parents with babies born still.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't mean to sound as much like a dick as you did.
- Not OP.

WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as you were just hit with the news. Please DON'T call the stillborn baby "fetus", especially not within earshot of your grieving friend. It's a loaded term that minimizes the loss of parents with babies born still.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't mean to sound as much like a dick as you did.
- Not OP.

WTF is wrong with you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt as you were just hit with the news. Please DON'T call the stillborn baby "fetus", especially not within earshot of your grieving friend. It's a loaded term that minimizes the loss of parents with babies born still.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't mean to sound as much like a dick as you did.
- Not OP.

WTF is wrong with you?

I could ask the same thing. OP just posted that she was in the hospital, scared to bits that she might be losing her own pregnancy, and you're schooling her on the semantics of fetus vs. baby? I can completely understand why you'd want to make this clear, but you didn't need to be such a dick about it "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt" - so condescending. Ever consider a bit of kindness? "Hey OP, hope your own pregnancy is just fine - just a note - I noticed you used the word "fetus." a 28 week loss is a stillbirth, and though many people are confused about the term, a parent might feel very hurt to have their loss minimized as a fetus.

Though really, if I lost my "fetus" before 20 weeks, or my "baby" after 20 weeks, I don't think somebody's fine tuned semantics would make much of a dent in my grief. And I say this knowing someone who had a loss at 18.5 weeks and someone who suffered a 24 week loss. Both of them were devastated. And OP was freaking out when she posted, and your shitty phrasing was unnecessarily rude and pedantic. Perhaps you, yourself, come from a place of loss / grief, but you still aren't excused from basic human kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I could ask the same thing. OP just posted that she was in the hospital, scared to bits that she might be losing her own pregnancy, and you're schooling her on the semantics of fetus vs. baby? I can completely understand why you'd want to make this clear, but you didn't need to be such a dick about it "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt" - so condescending. Ever consider a bit of kindness? "Hey OP, hope your own pregnancy is just fine - just a note - I noticed you used the word "fetus." a 28 week loss is a stillbirth, and though many people are confused about the term, a parent might feel very hurt to have their loss minimized as a fetus.

Though really, if I lost my "fetus" before 20 weeks, or my "baby" after 20 weeks, I don't think somebody's fine tuned semantics would make much of a dent in my grief. And I say this knowing someone who had a loss at 18.5 weeks and someone who suffered a 24 week loss. Both of them were devastated. And OP was freaking out when she posted, and your shitty phrasing was unnecessarily rude and pedantic. Perhaps you, yourself, come from a place of loss / grief, but you still aren't excused from basic human kindness.

Your phrasing was much shittier and nastier, and especially uncalled for. You obviously don't know much about this type of grieving. Ask your two friends, they probably can tell you loads about how much bad wording can hurt while you're grieving.

OP, I didn't see you're in the hospital. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy. Odds are on your side that the baby will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I could ask the same thing. OP just posted that she was in the hospital, scared to bits that she might be losing her own pregnancy, and you're schooling her on the semantics of fetus vs. baby? I can completely understand why you'd want to make this clear, but you didn't need to be such a dick about it "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt" - so condescending. Ever consider a bit of kindness? "Hey OP, hope your own pregnancy is just fine - just a note - I noticed you used the word "fetus." a 28 week loss is a stillbirth, and though many people are confused about the term, a parent might feel very hurt to have their loss minimized as a fetus.

Though really, if I lost my "fetus" before 20 weeks, or my "baby" after 20 weeks, I don't think somebody's fine tuned semantics would make much of a dent in my grief. And I say this knowing someone who had a loss at 18.5 weeks and someone who suffered a 24 week loss. Both of them were devastated. And OP was freaking out when she posted, and your shitty phrasing was unnecessarily rude and pedantic. Perhaps you, yourself, come from a place of loss / grief, but you still aren't excused from basic human kindness.

Your phrasing was much shittier and nastier, and especially uncalled for. You obviously don't know much about this type of grieving. Ask your two friends, they probably can tell you loads about how much bad wording can hurt while you're grieving.

OP, I didn't see you're in the hospital. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy. Odds are on your side that the baby will be fine.

OK, PP, I'll do that. I'll call my friends and remind them of their loss to resolve an internet argument with someone who is very concerned about what other people say. You were rude and condescending to a frightened woman in a hospital. You have NO IDEA about my experience with loss, by the way. As I have no idea about yours. Let's leave it at that, shall we? People deserve the benefit of the doubt without rubbing it in their face that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt. You don't do yourself or your cause any favors by being caustic without provocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again:

I want to thank those of you who mentioned my fall. I called the OB and learned that whenever you fall, my OB wants to be called immediately and wants me to go to L&D. I called b/c I"m having cramping and belly pain.

Now I'm totally freaked out because of my fall but because of you, I"m getting the care I might should have gotten yesterday. So thanks for that.

If you are into it, send up a little prayer for me.

Saying a prayer and hoping everything is fine. Hope to hear a good update from you soon.

[Anonymous]

Hey all:

OP here. I did not go to L&D and am still carrying a live, active baby. I am still cramping up a storm which is frustrating and I hope that this day of rest works wonders. I've taken 2 naps so far. My work day tomorrow is light as is my Friday so I should be fine.

I also think the fall jarred my belly muscles and this is what's cramping...not my uterus but it's hard to tell sometimes or maybe it goes back and forth.

thanks for the defense in my freaked-out state and semantics. But in my not freaked out state, I am reformed!

--even sitting up hurts my belly...weird. The underside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I could ask the same thing. OP just posted that she was in the hospital, scared to bits that she might be losing her own pregnancy, and you're schooling her on the semantics of fetus vs. baby? I can completely understand why you'd want to make this clear, but you didn't need to be such a dick about it "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt" - so condescending. Ever consider a bit of kindness? "Hey OP, hope your own pregnancy is just fine - just a note - I noticed you used the word "fetus." a 28 week loss is a stillbirth, and though many people are confused about the term, a parent might feel very hurt to have their loss minimized as a fetus.

Though really, if I lost my "fetus" before 20 weeks, or my "baby" after 20 weeks, I don't think somebody's fine tuned semantics would make much of a dent in my grief. And I say this knowing someone who had a loss at 18.5 weeks and someone who suffered a 24 week loss. Both of them were devastated. And OP was freaking out when she posted, and your shitty phrasing was unnecessarily rude and pedantic. Perhaps you, yourself, come from a place of loss / grief, but you still aren't excused from basic human kindness.

Your phrasing was much shittier and nastier, and especially uncalled for. You obviously don't know much about this type of grieving. Ask your two friends, they probably can tell you loads about how much bad wording can hurt while you're grieving.

OP, I didn't see you're in the hospital. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy. Odds are on your side that the baby will be fine.

OK, PP, I'll do that. I'll call my friends and remind them of their loss to resolve an internet argument with someone who is very concerned about what other people say. You were rude and condescending to a frightened woman in a hospital. You have NO IDEA about my experience with loss, by the way. As I have no idea about yours. Let's leave it at that, shall we? People deserve the benefit of the doubt without rubbing it in their face that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt. You don't do yourself or your cause any favors by being caustic without provocation.

Um, you were caustic first, hon.

[Anonymous]

Ah, she's from baltimore. Reread your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, she's from baltimore. Reread your post.

?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey all:

OP here. I did not go to L&D and am still carrying a live, active baby. I am still cramping up a storm which is frustrating and I hope that this day of rest works wonders. I've taken 2 naps so far. My work day tomorrow is light as is my Friday so I should be fine.

I also think the fall jarred my belly muscles and this is what's cramping...not my uterus but it's hard to tell sometimes or maybe it goes back and forth.

thanks for the defense in my freaked-out state and semantics. But in my not freaked out state, I am reformed!

--even sitting up hurts my belly...weird. The underside.

Hooray - glad to hear your baby is okay Now, take it easy!!