Remove SN from Recent Topics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an SN mom. I vote for taking it out of the Recent Topics feed. Not because I am ashamed and want to hide, but because too many people see a post about something like "How can I get my child to work on his hygiene" and think it is just a normal post about an ordinary kid, and post some stupid suggestions that they think are helpful because they worked for their fifth grader.

So they're try8ing to be helpful, and didn't notice it was in SN. Just ignore it, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an SN mom. I vote for taking it out of the Recent Topics feed. Not because I am ashamed and want to hide, but because too many people see a post about something like "How can I get my child to work on his hygiene" and think it is just a normal post about an ordinary kid, and post some stupid suggestions that they think are helpful because they worked for their fifth grader.

But how is that different from one poster asking "how can I get my child to work on his hygiene", thinking about a kid on the autism spectrum, and I answer based on my experience with my highly anxious kid who was afraid of water, or my ADHD kid who couldn't focus for long enough to actually brush both top and bottom teeth? SN kids are as different from each other as they are from NT kids, and you just have to take the suggestions which make sense to you.

[Anonymous]

It is a discussion forum, not a support forum. In almost every thread there is someone who is posting an opinion that is insensitive to the topic, although some topics are more sensitive than others. Still, if the forum is open, and if every time someone says something that another does not want to hear, then reports it, then demands that it be deleted and it is, it is not an open discussion. Then it becomes an "only say the proper thing" forum, and that would defeat the purpose of a discussion forum.

[Anonymous]

^^but in general I stay away from that forum because it is not something that I know much about.

[Anonymous]

Answer me this, op and team: with all the pain and frustration in the world and on these boards, what makes yours special? Under what logic should you be granted exemption from the occasional unkind or clueless remark that all the rest of us deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a discussion forum, not a support forum. In almost every thread there is someone who is posting an opinion that is insensitive to the topic, although some topics are more sensitive than others. Still, if the forum is open, and if every time someone says something that another does not want to hear, then reports it, then demands that it be deleted and it is, it is not an open discussion. Then it becomes an "only say the proper thing" forum, and that would defeat the purpose of a discussion forum.

Agreed. I posted some questions here when my child's school was trying to insist my child was SN (as it turns out, they were wrong) simply trying to understand if the issues they were raising sounded typical of their "diagnoses." When I dared to question their methods, I was shouted down for pushing back and told that if I wanted "support" I needed to play nice. Well, I wasn't looking for support. I was looking for information. It quickly became obvious that there was no way I could win, because by challenging the notion that my child was SN I was somehow insulting every SN child AND their parents. I apparently missed the part where this forum was only for politically correct support, since it is clearly listed under "parenting discussion forums."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a discussion forum, not a support forum. In almost every thread there is someone who is posting an opinion that is insensitive to the topic, although some topics are more sensitive than others. Still, if the forum is open, and if every time someone says something that another does not want to hear, then reports it, then demands that it be deleted and it is, it is not an open discussion. Then it becomes an "only say the proper thing" forum, and that would defeat the purpose of a discussion forum.

Agreed. I posted some questions here when my child's school was trying to insist my child was SN (as it turns out, they were wrong) simply trying to understand if the issues they were raising sounded typical of their "diagnoses." When I dared to question their methods, I was shouted down for pushing back and told that if I wanted "support" I needed to play nice. Well, I wasn't looking for support. I was looking for information. It quickly became obvious that there was no way I could win, because by challenging the notion that my child was SN I was somehow insulting every SN child AND their parents. I apparently missed the part where this forum was only for politically correct support, since it is clearly listed under "parenting discussion forums."

I had the same experience. Some people want to make the SN board a club, only martyrs allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also like to remove the relationship forum from recent topics, because happily married people come there and say mean things to those of us suffering abuse (why did you marry this jerk??) or infidelity (if only you had put out more often, he wouldn't have cheated).

While we're at it, please remove general parenting from the recent topics list. I'm very tired of being lectured by nannies, or pregnant people with no children, or people who are trying to conceive. They don't know what actual parents go through.

Thanks!

Not sure if this was tongue in cheek or just a typical poster who wandered in here via recent topics and posts nonsense...so I can see where some on this board are coming from.

SN mom. Either way fine with me.
I'll find the topics I need and others will search it out to make comments (like the above pp) no matter where it is listed.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps changing the title to Special Needs - Support would help. That way it is more clear since this forum operates more like a support board than a debate board. That way it is more clear that this is not the appropriate place to debate the efficacy of medication, but a place to discuss what solutions with and without medication people have found. Just like it is not appropriate to debate in vitro fertilization on the TTC board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answer me this, op and team: with all the pain and frustration in the world and on these boards, what makes yours special? Under what logic should you be granted exemption from the occasional unkind or clueless remark that all the rest of us deal with?

For many on this forum it is not "occasional".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps changing the title to Special Needs - Support would help. That way it is more clear since this forum operates more like a support board than a debate board. That way it is more clear that this is not the appropriate place to debate the efficacy of medication, but a place to discuss what solutions with and without medication people have found. Just like it is not appropriate to debate in vitro fertilization on the TTC board.

Perhaps you can just open a private Yahoo Group or similar and don't try to work around the fact that a public discussion forum is, well, a public discussion forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps changing the title to Special Needs - Support would help. That way it is more clear since this forum operates more like a support board than a debate board. That way it is more clear that this is not the appropriate place to debate the efficacy of medication, but a place to discuss what solutions with and without medication people have found. Just like it is not appropriate to debate in vitro fertilization on the TTC board.

Perhaps you can just open a private Yahoo Group or similar and don't try to work around the fact that a public discussion forum is, well, a public discussion forum.

Perhaps private groups don't really work for families that are just starting on the journey or reach new ages since they generally stagnant over time. Since "new" families cannot ask to be in them if they do not know they exist. This is a fantastic forum because it is accessible and local and there is quite a bit of historical knowledge about "the way things work".

Plus, for my DC, there are not enough of us to sustain a forum over time.

[Anonymous]

Plus, for my DC, there are not enough of us to sustain a forum over time.

She was not suggesting making it specific to any diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps changing the title to Special Needs - Support would help. That way it is more clear since this forum operates more like a support board than a debate board. That way it is more clear that this is not the appropriate place to debate the efficacy of medication, but a place to discuss what solutions with and without medication people have found. Just like it is not appropriate to debate in vitro fertilization on the TTC board.

Perhaps you can just open a private Yahoo Group or similar and don't try to work around the fact that a public discussion forum is, well, a public discussion forum.

Perhaps private groups don't really work for families that are just starting on the journey or reach new ages since they generally stagnant over time. Since "new" families cannot ask to be in them if they do not know they exist. This is a fantastic forum because it is accessible and local and there is quite a bit of historical knowledge about "the way things work".

Plus, for my DC, there are not enough of us to sustain a forum over time.

You can find a private group if you do a search on google or yahoo. I have a very rare condition, probably less than 100 people in the whole world, and found a private support group on the internet 10+ yrs ago.

This is a SN discussion board discussing all different kinds of SNs. I don't know why you want to limit it to "parents of SN kids" when there are plenty of boards that provide exactly what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I vote against removing it. There are obnoxious people everywhere and removing this from the Recent Topics list won't change that. I want people to read this forum to try and gain a glimmer of understanding about what our lives are like. Even the threads that devolve into nonsense are worthwhile in that they shed light on the perspective of SN parents vs. non SN parents.

+1

I am still expecting my first and don't know if I'm a SN parent. I read almost entirely via Recent Topics and have been exposed to SN topics that way which I'd never have sought out directly, and it's educated me about some issues. I quite understand that some SN parents may want the space to be a bit safer than it is, but a more liberal use of the "report" button by SN readers would seem to be a healthier way to handle trolls than isolation from the larger community. From what I gather about Jeff, he would support such a use, i.e. he would follow the will of the group in moderating what people complain about.

I personally think the column defining the forum is perfectly clear but if people are concerned about Recent Topics readers ignoring it, perhaps those who are concerned could begin voluntarily tagging their subject lines with [Special Needs] or [SN] or something. Even a truly oblivious person would notice the difference between "How can I get my child to work on his hygeine" and "[special needs] How can I get my child to work on his hygeine." (I hope)