Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
To have a third, to not have a third? That is the question. (baby, that is)
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Is that others' experience too? Someone else told me that 2 to 3 was easier because they could play with each other while you are tending to the baby. With 1, they are ignored with no one to play with. |
Anonymous
| Must depend on the ages and temperments of 1 and 2. I know that my 4.5 yo and 2.5 yo do entertain each other but they also fight a lot. If I had a baby to tend to I certainly couldn't trust them alone for very long (and yes, I know that I should let them work it out but I can't allow them to hurt each other physically). |
Anonymous
| I agree that it depends on the age of your kids. I didn't find it that hard to go from 1 to 2, though my mom thought this was really difficult. But, the third is different because of the age difference. My kids were 5 and 9 when the baby was born and we were long past naps and diapers. The diapers are not such a big deal, but the naps and her earlier bedtime kills us. Still, would do it again in a second. I really wanted a third and just couldn't be content as a family of four. And, diapers and naps don't last forever. |
Anonymous
I personally found going from 1 to 2 the hardest adjustment. Going from 0 to 1 was hard I guess, but we were really ready for it. Going from 2 to 3 (and from 3 to 4) just was not such a big change as the 1 to 2 shift. Truth be told- my second child is our most challenging personality and maybe we were that way from the start and that is why it was hard- I don't know. |
Anonymous
| I would love to hear what makes the transition from 2 to 3 hard. I can imagine that it would be, but that is my biggest worry- how much harder is it going to be. Someone posted on another thread that baby #2 broke their marriage (they weren't blaming the baby, just the added stress, I guess). I would hate to break my family up b/c adding a third was too stressful. So if anyone can give insight into how much harder, stressful, they found the transition to 3 kids to be, I'd be very interested. |
Anonymous
| I only have one, but after a day like today (and it is only 3pm) I won't have another. |
Anonymous
|
I would love to have a third as well. I have 2 now, a 2yr old and an 8 month old, and I already have the itch. Mine are both the same sex, but I really don't care if it's a boy or girl. I just worry about finances, schooling, toll on my body (a third C), and the health of the baby at my age 36. I know, I know, 36 isn't old, but it isn't super young in the egg world either. I go back and forth. I wonder if I should just be happy with my current angels, but I just have such an itch for one more. I wish I had sage advice, but all I have is empathy. Thank you for starting this thread. I would love to hear from more who have three and say to stop. On a day to day basis, what is the most challenging part of having three? I also fear the middle child syndrome since some PPs said it was an issue in their families.
|
Anonymous
| If you have a close to 50/50 split of duties with husband --- go for it! You need to do this together! If you have husband who expects you to do all household stuff, forget it! Your short end of the stick will only get shorter! |
Anonymous
I completely agree. When having our first, we had on our game faces and were "prepared." Going from 1 to 2 was so, so tough. I felt like my firstborn--the one and only, light of my life--was suddenly neglected and my newborn was getting less than half my attention as I tried to entertain my firstborn as well. Plus I had to learn to juggle more than one child. By the time the third came along, I already had juggling down, and the firstborn and secondborn occupied one another. I had more time for my third than I ever did for my second. And for what it's worth--my second child is my easiest personality-wise. |
Anonymous
| I too think about having a third. But when I am really honest with myself, I realize it is drive in large part because I have two of the same gender and really want one of the other as well. If I had one and one, I would not even think of a third. Now, I couldn't live without the two I have, so I am glad the second ended up being the gender he/she is. Not saying at all this is the case with everyone, just my two cents. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. Wow, people are thinking what I am thinking! And a lot of people.
I think I have to have a third. I just won't stop thinking about it. It does not make sense it terms of my tiny house or our finances (although we will be okay with $$), but it feels like it is time for another one. It is crazy. Totally insane. Life is very good with two. Why would I do this? My body will be totally shot. My career will be a distant memory. Ugh. Someone beat some sense into me!!! BTW, my DH is awesome. So that helps. |
Anonymous
Any of your statements could be said for a first or second child as well. Life was very good for us without any children...and then with one child...and then with two children. Life is good with three kids for us now. But we are stopping because I no longer have that deep longing for more kids. |
Anonymous
|
I have three and would go for four if I were younger. But I'm in my 40s, so that's it for me.
I made my decision (I decided first, then it took a while to convince DH) based on my gut feeling -- my family didn't seem complete. Whenever a third child came over to play with my two, it felt like the right size family. Ration did not enter into it -- reason would have told me: I'm too tired with two; a third will kill my career (it did); expenses keep climbing with three; DH is not crazy about the idea. BUT: After DC3 was born, we were so thrilled, so happy, so excited, it went way beyond our expectations. And DC1 and DC2 were excited and thrilled well beyond our expectations as well. DC3 is five years younger than DC2, but they all play together. They also fight, but that's the nature of most children. Our family feels complete, finally, even though were I younger, I'd have another one. There are definitely downsides, particularly the price I paid with my career, the added expense and time needed to devote to three kids, leaving little time for me. Every family is different. I could (theoretically) have another child if I really wanted one, but I don't want to go through that horrid pregnancy again (all three were awful), another C-section, nursing, no sleep for years (my kids were bad sleepers), even less time for me. Yes, the child is worth it. Every child is a miracle, and I don't regret for a second having a third child, but the only "reason" I had a third was because in my gut, I needed to complete my family. I felt my child was "out there" waiting to be born. If you feel you must have another child, and you can afford it (seems cold to consider money, but kids cost a lot), and you can manage it, then do it. You won't be able to go back and have another child a lot later. Also, since you are only 33, you have the energy for kids now. Believe me, it's much harder to have a toddler when you are in your 40s. Many of my peers have kids in high school or college by now. Or wait a few years, see how you feel, and do it then when the older kids are a little more self-sufficient, and can help with the baby. Good luck, whatever you decide. |
Anonymous
|
Just curious what others think about what a third adds to your family. Several people have talked about their family being "completed" by a third. What do you mean? How did you know something was missing? I am in a similar situation as OP. We have two (one of each gender) and had always wanted a third. But know I am questioning whether we can handle it, whether it will stress us out too much, stress out current children, strain my career (which I just went back to), etc., etc. So I am going back to asking what made us think that 3 would be a good number of children and whether that is the right number for us.
|
Anonymous
| Good to hear all the varying viewpoints and no (well, only a little) snarkiness. |