Become a step-parent or end the relationship

[Anonymous]

I honestly would be pussed if I cooked a family dinner and starts cooking her something else when she doesn't like it.
I would/could not live with this kind of disrespect that's being shown to OP.

I don't think OP should marry the guy, not because she's an evil step mom, which I don't think she it. Expecting respect is a normal, standard thing to do.
The child should like an entitled brat. Yea, she's 13, but she should still be expected to respect all the family members in the house.

[Anonymous]

Leave they are a package. she will always come before you and that's the way it should be. That's what children do. If you can't handle leave before you screw there relationship up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Both DH and I come from a culture where children are routinely disciplined by any and all adults in their lives. There's no magic rule that says that only the biological mother and father may discipline, and certainly, when you join the family you are responsible to help that child grow up to be a responsible adult. What is with this American obsession with the nuclear family? Do you people also expect that the grandparents can't discipline? I'm not talking about hitting, but seriously.

And yes, children can be particularly trying at 13, but it does sound like there are deeper issues here. She's getting bad grades and no one seems to be paying attention. This is a very real and long-term problem. The OP is not some cruel and terrible stepmother because she is concerned about this.

OP, if you can't find some way to come to terms with your fiance on this I would encourage you to move on from this relationship. Who knows what he will do when it comes time to be a father to your kids.

You are spot-on about this bizarre attitude that no one but biological parents can even reprimand a kid. Here you have a father who for whatever reasons has effectively declined to do anything to control his DD's behavior and no one else, has the right to do so either. You have a child who is under-performing at school and that also is allowed to go unchecked. Now look for this father and others of his ilk to complain about the schools, teachers and everything else but not accept any responsibility for the role that he has played.

There was a time in the US, when parents did not have an issue with other adults admonishing a child who misbehaved but now parents will relinquish their responsibility and then take umbrage if some other adult, no matter how close the relationship, gets involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave they are a package. she will always come before you and that's the way it should be. That's what children do. If you can't handle leave before you screw there relationship up.

Because trying to not raise an asshole kid equals ruining the relationship...alright

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend isn't actually parenting his child. Nor does he want to do so because then he won't be the "fun" parent and in his mind he believes that will make him the better parent. This will not change.

[Anonymous]

I think all three of you need to have counseling sessions and talk through your issues. You can't get married until you resolve them.