Husband donating sperm to lesbian couple/sister in law

[Anonymous]

So your sister would have your DH's child?

Hell no. Think of the child and the way that will play out.

The couple needs to go to a sperm bank.

[Anonymous]

DON'T do it. I asked my sister (we are very close) to be an egg donor, long ago. It did not work out for medical reasons. Since then, 16 years, I have many many times been thankful that it did not work out. Once they are "people" not babies, it gets very complicated. Too many cooks in the kitchen! and the laws in VA are not going to help, either. There are many great sperm donors -- handsome, high IQ, proven fertility. It is so much easier. Nice clean start for a family.

[Anonymous]

Pp, do you mind sharing th reasons why you are glad it didn't work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]So your sister would have your DH's child[/b]?

Hell no. Think of the child and the way that will play out.

The couple needs to go to a sperm bank.

No. The partner of husband's sister would carry the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your sister would have your DH's child?

Hell no. Think of the child and the way that will play out.

The couple needs to go to a sperm bank.

Have? No. Raise? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your sister would have your DH's child?

Hell no. Think of the child and the way that will play out.

The couple needs to go to a sperm bank.

Have? No. Raise? Yes.

It does not make a difference if she doesn't birth the child. It's a bad choice. As pp pointed out, the baby stage is short. The real person stage is long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They have not asked us directly but made it clear they are exploring their options. We are considering offering this if they are interested.

You are stupid. They have not asked.
do not get involved and let them do what they want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not. I think being the child's uncle and bio father is too all in the family. There is something odd about being your sister's child's biological parent. I would feel the same about being an egg donor to a sibling. I think it is strange to procreate with your siblings. Big problems down the road.

What if the child asks your DH why he gave him up to live with a lesbian couple for parents rather than have him as his own child? Will this child resent his biological father for putting him in this family situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not. I think being the child's uncle and bio father is too all in the family. There is something odd about being your sister's child's biological parent. I would feel the same about being an egg donor to a sibling. I think it is strange to procreate with your siblings. Big problems down the road.

What if the child asks your DH why he gave him up to live with a lesbian couple for parents rather than have him as his own child? Will this child resent his biological father for putting him in this family situation?

Wow, the time change must have brought out the stupid. Are you kidding? Clearly you have spent no time with a 2 mom or 2 dad family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, do you mind sharing th reasons why you are glad it didn't work out?

As the children got older, it became clear that my sister would never have kids. But she still has a lot of ideas about how kids should be raised, especailly mine. Children should just be quiet and serve. And not take up so much time, or money, or be such an important part of life. (Some ideas typical of some childfree people) It doesn't hurt me that she feels that way, and I don't try to change her. BUT, if they (we have 2) were her genetic (she says her firstborn...) kids, she would feel 10x, 100x stronger about these issues. Her parenting values are different than mine (very) which would be OK if she had her own to practise on. I think this would have split our realtionship. On the other hand, if she had kids by my DH, whoa, trouble coming...
He has very high standards about how kids should be raised. We have boys. If she had a girl, OMG the diagreements that would follow.
Just a recipe for disaster. Finding a great egg donor is very difficult. But finding a great sperm donor...no.
I would not want to be in the middle of that. Parenting is hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:11-a I'm surprised you're surprised, people avoid domestic adoptions for possible legal complications. This is on an altogether different level. So, my concerns for OP are legal, too. Mainly, the unknown. What would happen if the couple split, might the donor be liable for child support, etc. Can the two even live as parents in Virginia, etc. Have they consulted an attorney?

10:11-b You know couples, plural, who've done this? That's fascinating.

Also, OP, how will this play out for the children? Will it be a secret, or will the know? Another consideration.

I don't think I'd do it.

10:11 here
I understand the legal complications but that can be addressed beforehand. I am in the process of helping a friend dealing with fertility issues and we have discussed all conceivable issues that might arise, had attorney draw up paperwork and gone to counseling. The OP could address all of their concerns prior to making any final decisions.

I get this makes me unusual but I actually know a male gay couple where one sister provided the egg and carried the baby which gives them both a genetic tie to the baby, I have an acquaintance (gay women) who had the brother of one provide the sperm and in thinking about this after my initial post also know someone who provided an egg to her sister. So far so good on all three counts.

Only caveat OP, only you know your family and how this would be handled, everyone has to be comfortable and open about this to make it work IMO.

[Anonymous]

Too weird for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They have not asked us directly but made it clear they are exploring their options. We are considering offering this if they are interested.

You are stupid. They have not asked.
do not get involved and let them do what they want

OP, I wouldn't have said it like this, but I agree with this poster.

If they had asked you, or if they bring it up, I think it's cool that you and your husband are talking about this as an option. And if they bring it up, and you're both willing, I think it could be a very beautiful thing. Please ignore all the assholes upthread who seem to think this is creepy. It's clear that you do not think that.

That said, please do not bring it up to them yourselves. This is not a request that should be initiated by you or your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not. I think being the child's uncle and bio father is too all in the family. There is something odd about being your sister's child's biological parent. I would feel the same about being an egg donor to a sibling. I think it is strange to procreate with your siblings. Big problems down the road.

I agree. But then, I don't particularly get along with my husbands' sister so I can't imagine feeling this magnanimous towards her!

[Anonymous]

10:11 If it was as easy as drawing up a legal document based on all conceivable (pun intended? ) issues, there would be no ugly divorces or child custody disputes. It's not as easy as that.