How would you approach - Grandparent providing childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no advice, but God do I hate people who take advantage of their parents for free childcare. I have seen it happen so many times, and the thing is, the grandparents like to see their grandkids and feel TERRIBLE telling their children they can't watch their grandchildren/must watch them less. So they continue to do it long after they can really physically handle doing it, and the adult kids take full advantage because "She's grandma, she loves it!" Meanwhile, Grandma is being run ragged and her bitch daughter is getting free daycare for 50 hours a week. Ugh.

You understand that we are a multicultural socitey no?

In some cultures it is unheard of to use anyone, but family for daycare. My good friend is Chinese and her parents came from China to watch her child. This is the custom.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but it doesn't sound like OP thinks this is a cultural thing - it's an entitlement thing AND a potentially dangerous situation.
If FIL fell asleep and the kids left the house, started a fire, or got into something dangerous, how badly would everyone feel that they KNEW something was wrong and didn't say/do anything to stop the situation?
OP, is there anyone local to your FIL who goes to his dr appts with any regularity, or who can call his doc and express concern? Make the doc the bad guy - "Hey, how often do you see the grandkids?"
"I watch them 5 days/week"
"Oh, no, in your health you absolutely must cut back. No more than 2 half-days per week"
etc. The family needs to be united behind this, though, otherwise it could fall to $hit pretty easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no advice, but God do I hate people who take advantage of their parents for free childcare. I have seen it happen so many times, and the thing is, the grandparents like to see their grandkids and feel TERRIBLE telling their children they can't watch their grandchildren/must watch them less. So they continue to do it long after they can really physically handle doing it, and the adult kids take full advantage because "She's grandma, she loves it!" Meanwhile, Grandma is being run ragged and her bitch daughter is getting free daycare for 50 hours a week. Ugh.

You understand that we are a multicultural socitey no?

In some cultures it is unheard of to use anyone, but family for daycare. My good friend is Chinese and her parents came from China to watch her child. This is the custom.

Let me rephrase. I've seen this happen so many times IN MY EXTENDED family. Americans, with plenty of money to hire childcare, except they'd rather use their mom or MIL for free for all FOUR kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but it doesn't sound like OP thinks this is a cultural thing - it's an entitlement thing AND a potentially dangerous situation.
If FIL fell asleep and the kids left the house, started a fire, or got into something dangerous, how badly would everyone feel that they KNEW something was wrong and didn't say/do anything to stop the situation?
OP, is there anyone local to your FIL who goes to his dr appts with any regularity, or who can call his doc and express concern? Make the doc the bad guy - "Hey, how often do you see the grandkids?"
"I watch them 5 days/week"
"Oh, no, in your health you absolutely must cut back. No more than 2 half-days per week"
etc. The family needs to be united behind this, though, otherwise it could fall to $hit pretty easily.

Completely agree. and OP is NOT being nosy, she has a valid concern.

Too many people take advantage of grandparents/parents for childcare when they can very well afford to pay for a nanny. And the poor old people get so worn out running around after a baby, but they can't say no.
What if the FIL had a heart attack when he's with the kids? What if he tripped carrying the baby? I would be very concerned about leaving more than one child with an older person with health issues, much less three.

[Anonymous]

OP - not sure if your SIL's house has a pool, but during this family meeting you should bring up safety issues related to the pool, and the fact the FIL falls asleep when he's supposed to be taking care of the kids.

Any nanny who did this would be fired.

[Anonymous]

OP, your FIL needs a girlfriend. That will cure him. See if your husband can introduce him to a lady and he'll soon have someone who values him and wants him around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your FIL needs a girlfriend. That will cure him. See if your husband can introduce him to a lady and he'll soon have someone who values him and wants him around.

thank you for this advise. i totally agree.

and i appreciate everyone's thoughtful response - helping us think through all points of view.