Am I a Tiger Mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids of Tiger moms have to have high IQs. So, can you be a Tiger mom to an average or below average kid? Does Tiger mom's IQ also matter?

The philosophy of the Tiger Mom is that IQ's don't matter, hard work does. In Asia there isn't an obsession over your kids' IQ or being classified as gifted. It is all about where you rank academically in your class. If you work hard enough you won't be below average.

How can that be? If everyone worked hard, the naturally smarter ones would rank higher.

This is true. But we're in the U.S. where there seems to be an aversion for parents pushing their kids to work hard. So those that do, tend to have kids that perform above average.

The flip side is for some Asian (Tiger) parents is that as long as the kid is ranked #1 (or #2), they can do whatever. My Asian parents never read to us, never limited TV/electronics, never drilled us. Basically we could do whatever as long as we brought home the grades (and play the piano). They did not supplement/coached but they nagged alot.

Must have worked since we all went Ivy (and Hopkins at 14) nevertheless with watching tons of TV and never being read to

For reals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids of Tiger moms have to have high IQs. So, can you be a Tiger mom to an average or below average kid? Does Tiger mom's IQ also matter?

The philosophy of the Tiger Mom is that IQ's don't matter, hard work does. In Asia there isn't an obsession over your kids' IQ or being classified as gifted. It is all about where you rank academically in your class. If you work hard enough you won't be below average.

Agree entirely.

The US coddles their kids and tries to justify their actions based on "potential". Tiger Moms/Dads based their actions on actual results.

Bright kids will excel; it's the "middle of the road" kids that benefit best from pushing, IMO.

But most kids simply aren't bright...and if they are, they aren't also motivated. Tiger Mom/Dad provides the "3rd party motivation". LOL

Statistically true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great that you're spending time with your kids on enriching activities, but personally, I plan to spend that time on more creative/character-building activities/life-skills, instead of just academics. So things like music lessons, helping with chores, cooking dinner, outdoors skills (Scouting, map reading, etc), and volunteering. I see my role as a mother more as instilling good values and character and providing a rich cultural environment. I'm happy to leave the content of academics to DS's teachers.

+1. Mother of 4 (2 in top ranked SLACS), 1 in HS and 1 in MS. My mother was an academic Tiger Mom before it was in vogue. I had very few memories of my mother doing something "fun" with us.

While we did supplement and hire tutors as needed, we feel/felt our roles as parents was to shape the "whole" child. We chose schools known for their academic rigor, but we did not view ourselves as extensions of their teachers. We tapped into our kids' other talents and interests: music, the arts, athletics, reading for fun, crafts, outdoor stuff like fishing and skiing, history and culture. One of my sons was interested in Presidents as a young kid and he has visited the homes/graves of over half the Presidents. He has a nice scrapbook of all his visits. That is the type of stuff that we encouraged. It may not work for everyone, but we sought to maintain a balance.

OP: you are not a Tiger Mom and I applaud your effort. As the kids get older, I am sure that you will cast a wider net based on their interests.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great that you're spending time with your kids on enriching activities, but personally, I plan to spend that time on more creative/character-building activities/life-skills, instead of just academics. So things like music lessons, helping with chores, cooking dinner, outdoors skills (Scouting, map reading, etc), and volunteering. I see my role as a mother more as instilling good values and character and providing a rich cultural environment. I'm happy to leave the content of academics to DS's teachers.

Why not both? Why assume the posters don't do both?

[Anonymous]

You are lucky to have a late start time. We've never had that - public or private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think it's great that you're spending time with your kids on enriching activities, but personally, I plan to spend that time on more creative/character-building activities/life-skills, instead of just academics. So things like music lessons, helping with chores, cooking dinner, outdoors skills (Scouting, map reading, etc), and volunteering. I see my role as a mother more as instilling good values and character and providing a rich cultural environment. I'm happy to leave the content of academics to DS's teachers.

Why not both? Why assume the posters don't do both?

Because there are only 24 hours in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I do about an hour and half with my 2nd grader each evening. Combo of homework, workbooks, games, computer, flash cards, etc.


Wow. That seems like a lot to me.

Do you have custody of your children?

Or are you a working CEO mom always on the road?

Who, me? I'm the one who said an hour and a half each evening seems like a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do about an hour and half with my 2nd grader each evening. Combo of homework, workbooks, games, computer, flash cards, etc.

One day you will wake up and say "...I wasted my child's precious childhood doing flashcards?"

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but it beats divorce (#1 and/or #2) with the kids in the middle. I'll take falsh cards any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, but it beats divorce (#1 and/or #2) with the kids in the middle. I'll take falsh cards any day.

How do flash cards prevent divorce?

[Anonymous]

Really? Flash cards at home? Barf. I agree with 15:34; I try to help my preschool-aged child learn through fun, life activities - cooking, gardening, helping with chores, trips to museums, hikes, etc. He gets 8 hours of early learning 5 days a week at preschool. Anything "structured" over and above that is overkill and tantamount to robbing your child of their childhood. Let the damn kids play.

I suggest all you flash card people read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Einstein-Never-Used-Flashcards-Learn--/dp/1594860688/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360166085&sr=1-1&keywords=don%27t+flash+cards

[Anonymous]

Reality sucks. But here it is. I have five kids. Of the five one is amazingly intelligent. She graduated with a 4.45 GPA and is a National Merit Scholar. She was always in "highly gifted programs" in every state we lived in. And we moved about every three years. She was accepted to every school she applied to and is on a full academic scholarship. We were encouraged to allow her to start college when she was 14. We chose not to do so. When she left for college, she entered as a junior. She scored high on every test she took...SAT, ACT, PSAT...... We never prepped. She never had a tutor. She watched tons of television. She had a computer in her room (I know...GASP!). And the real shocker....we moved to D.C. from Ala-freakin-bama her junior year. She still scored higher than 99.9% of kids in Fairfax County.

I'm not bragging...far from it. My other kids are just the typically kids. We are just thankful our oldest got into his college. He was an o.k. student. They'll do their homework to avoid consequences, but they would probobly do nothing at all if we allowed it. I'm not a "tiger mom" by any stretch of the imagination. I have no desire to raise super kids. I've seen the way those kids turn out and I don't want that for my kids.

Think about what you doing...You spend hours and hours grilling your kids with workbooks, flashcards, and memorization. It works. They are A students in school, go to a great college, and get a great job. So what? Do you think somehow they will be happier? I know an awful lot of people with highly prestigious, very high paying jobs who are miserable. I know equally as many people who went to state colleges, have pretty good government jobs, and are very happy.

That's a lot of rambling to simply say - Why not just provide your kids the tools they need to be successful then back off and let them become the people they were meant to be? If my son decides he wants to build houses instead of run companies, what's wrong with that? My insanely gifted college kids may decide she doesn't want to go to medical school after all. She has been talking about changing her major to education. Is that a bad thing? A waste?

You don't need to push your kids. The smart kids who are driven to be successful will be successful no matter what you do. The kid who is content with doing just o.k. will be fine as well. Don't you wonder why so many kids in the D.C. area are on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications? Do you really want your kids to walk around with the same creepy, empty vacant stare that you see in the eyes of the people on the metro? Or do you want your kids to figure out what makes them truly happy and then for them to find a way to make a living doing it? Life is short. Way too short to do something only because your insane parents pushed you to do it.

[Anonymous]

Reality sucks. But here it is. I have five kids. Of the five one is amazingly intelligent. She graduated with a 4.45 GPA and is a National Merit Scholar. She was always in "highly gifted programs" in every state we lived in. And we moved about every three years. She was accepted to every school she applied to and is on a full academic scholarship. We were encouraged to allow her to start college when she was 14. We chose not to do so. When she left for college, she entered as a junior. She scored high on every test she took...SAT, ACT, PSAT...... We never prepped. She never had a tutor. She watched tons of television. She had a computer in her room (I know...GASP!). And the real shocker....we moved to D.C. from Ala-freakin-bama her junior year. She still scored higher than 99.9% of kids in Fairfax County.

Absolutely fascinating:

1. What college/university is she attending or attended?
2. Did she go on to graduate school?
3. Did she take any AP exams in high school? How many? What were her scores?
4. Has she received any national awards in anything?
4. Does she have a job now?

Half the kids around here make the honor roll. In some schools here over 20% are straight A students. I am sure the educational standards in Alabama a top in the nation. What percentage of kids there make the honor roll or have a GPA above 4.00.

My experience with the public education system here is the average kid can do very well, despite the lack of challenge (low bar) , and watch lots of TV (TV in bathroom too). But, most would not survive a challenging and rigorous education at a top flight college of university.

[Anonymous]

If you subject your children to your idea of success, instead of respecting them as individuals, then you are a tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

1. What college/university is she attending or attended?
2. Did she go on to graduate school?
3. Did she take any AP exams in high school? How many? What were her scores?
4. Has she received any national awards in anything?
4. Does she have a job now?

1-She graduated from high school in Fairfax County. My point was that despite being in public high school in Alabama for two years, she still had no problem at all in her well respected Fairfax County High School.

2-She actually turned down two ivys and went to University of Florida. They have an accelerated medical school program. Her pediatrician in Fairfax recommended that she consider it when she was looking at schools. http://www.admissions.ufl.edu/ugrad/combdegreespec.html

3-Yes. She took AP courses and exams in high school in Alabama and in Fairfax. I couldn't tell you how many she took. A lot. She got 4s and 5s on the exams. Her college didn't take all of them, but they took most. She also took some dual enrollment courses.

4-National Awards? She is a National Merit Scholar.

5-She does not have a job. She is still in school full time. The cost of her tuition, books, fees, housing, and meals are completely covered by her scholarships.

My point was not to brag on her. She did this on her own. Our other kids are nothing at all like her. Some kids are just naturally academically gifted. We didn't prep her for any test. We didn't hire tutors. We didn't push her. We did exactly the same thing with her that we did with all of the kids. We provided opportunity and encouraged her to do her best. Then we stayed out of the way.