Unsafe situation

[Anonymous]

WTF. I have gone to this deli for 40 years. since I was 4. I've never heard of such a thing happening there. There are NO vagrants around there. And when did you go there that there was No ONE else around? It's a very busy place. I'm calling BS, here.

[Anonymous]

I've never had a problem there either. Been going there for 23 years. Not to say it can't happen though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs have given some great advice.
Just want to add that this is an important thread for everyone to read to remind themselves that they need to walk themselves mentally through what they will do in unsafe situations.
I know people get sick of others recommending it, but "The Gift of Fear" is a truly, truly excellent book.It is not about making you more paranoid, fearful, etc. It's about helping you feel more in control, more confident, better able to correctly handle situations if, God forbid, they arise.

+1 When I see threads like this, I always think that everyone needs to read this book.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, pps that are saying to directly confront these types, yelling back off, etc.
I always think of this but then worry that it will force them to become confrontational, almost like fight or flight, I'm scared they will choose to fight since they clearly aren't thinking straight as it is
Any tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you had a bad experience. But ultimately you are responsible for your own safety. You are way too passive. Men are not going to ride to your rescue. There may not be men available to do so in every circumstance either. You need to practice speaking in a good firm voice and saying "LEAVE ME ALONE"..."GET AWAY FROM MY CHILD"..."BACK OFF NOW." And other assertive, positive statements.

It is up to you to protect your child in all situations. Teenage employees who may or may not speak English are not going to do it for you. And why should they, really? Why should they put their lives on the line for you?

This is sorta what I was thinking too OP (minus the non-english speaking employee part).
I don't know...I grew up outside of Philly and my single mom taught me early on to be ASSERTIVE about my own safety.
In hindsight, you should have been loud and clear -- "LEAVE ME ALONE" and if that did not work, call the cops yourself or ask someone else to cal them.
If you were shocked and a bit at a loss as to what to do ...maybe the employees were as well.
In the absence of an actual physical assault, it seems a bit off that you would FULLY EXPECT the employees to say something when you were not SAYING ANYTHING YOURSELF.
I understand that it would have been nice if they spoke up...but you did not speak up either.
From now on, you need to role-play in your mind how to handle these situations...what you would do and say.
It sounds silly, but is helpful.
This way you do not have to figure it out in the moment...it just comes back to you.
Read "The Gift of Fear".
Your discomfort and reluctance to be firm and assertive(understandable tho it may have been) was likely to do more harm and egg the guy on than the lack of interference from the staff.
Sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, pps that are saying to directly confront these types, yelling back off, etc.
I always think of this but then worry that it will force them to become confrontational, almost like fight or flight, I'm scared they will choose to fight since they clearly aren't thinking straight as it is
Any tips?

If you're in a public business with other people around, there's really no need to confront. Simply go to an employee and say, "This person is following me and making me very uncomfortable. Can you help?" Just speak up for yourself. You can't expect that a stranger is going to swoop in and rescue you. Communicate your needs.

But to answer your question, you need to evaluate the situation to know whether confrontation would be appropriate. If, for example, someone makes a weird or threatening comment but is walking away from you, let him walk away. In that case, confrontation is going to escalate the situation. If someone is following you, then saying "BACK OFF" puts the person on notice that you see him and you are going to put up a fight.

Seriously, read the Gift of Fear. He goes into all types of scenarios and the best response for each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, pps that are saying to directly confront these types, yelling back off, etc.
I always think of this but then worry that it will force them to become confrontational, almost like fight or flight, I'm scared they will choose to fight since they clearly aren't thinking straight as it is
Any tips?

The worst thing you can do is put yourself in a situation where you are absolutely alone with your potential attacker (walking alone to your car). Much better to risk a "confrontation" with 3-4 men present who could be rescuers than remain totally quiet and have the alternative risk of kidnapping/assault/murder outside, in quiet, on the way to your car where you also have your child to protect. Moreover, you do not "yell" or confront or pick a fight. You calmly assert yourself and make a statement. The idea is not to fight, it is to assert that you are not an available victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, pps that are saying to directly confront these types, yelling back off, etc.
I always think of this but then worry that it will force them to become confrontational, almost like fight or flight, I'm scared they will choose to fight since they clearly aren't thinking straight as it is
Any tips?

If you're in a public business with other people around, there's really no need to confront. Simply go to an employee and say, "This person is following me and making me very uncomfortable. Can you help?" Just speak up for yourself. You can't expect that a stranger is going to swoop in and rescue you. Communicate your needs.

But to answer your question, you need to evaluate the situation to know whether confrontation would be appropriate. If, for example, someone makes a weird or threatening comment but is walking away from you, let him walk away. In that case, confrontation is going to escalate the situation. If someone is following you, then saying "BACK OFF" puts the person on notice that you see him and you are going to put up a fight.

Seriously, read the Gift of Fear. He goes into all types of scenarios and the best response for each.

I agree with this. If you don't feel comfortable saying something to the person, ask for help. However, every time I have said "GET AWAY FROM ME" or "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME" the man (always men of course) has gotten defensive and said "I wasn't doing anything!" and then immediately moved away from me.

[Anonymous]

That's why they teach "BACK OFF" in Krav Maga. You want to startle the attacker, alert them that you are capable of taking care of yourself, attract the attention of help and get yourself as far away as possible from the attacker.

[Anonymous]

Agree you need to assess the situation and be more assertive. But did anyone see that video with the lady on the Metro who told a man who sat down next to her, "Too close, too close!" I think she might have even stood up, trying to get away from him. The train was crowded and he punched her in the face.

[Anonymous]

Please post this in the general parenting forum and list the location of this restaurant. File a complaint with the owners and local police. If this guy did it to you, he's done it to others and who knows where it stops.

[Anonymous]

Parkway deli silver spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please post this in the general parenting forum and list the location of this restaurant. File a complaint with the owners and local police. If this guy did it to you, he's done it to others and who knows where it stops.

Why does this belong in the General Parenting Forum?