Unsafe situation
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Anonymous
This. It's hard to even guvenyiunadvuce because it sounds like you need other people to fight for you. Yes it was a scary situation but speak up! |
Anonymous
| ^^^should have said "even give you advice" |
Anonymous
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OP, don't EVER do that again! don't walk out of a store into a situation that you feel nervous about. You got lucky this time.
My friend was carjacked, kidnapped, and brutally raped and escaped after a 12 hour ordeal. She is very very brave and lived to testify and put the fuckers behind bars for the rest of their lives (THANK YOU VIRGINIA and YOUR HARSH SENTENCES). She said in hindsight she saw it all coming when she stepped into that parking lot and saw the guys from a about 200 feet away hanging around her car, but did not listen to that voice. |
Anonymous
| OP here: thanks to all for your words. Yes my husband did call and I am posting on an anonymous site. In hindsight I should've handled the situation MUCH differently (and wish I had). I am posting here so others can be vigilant for these types of situations. Sounds like you all would handle it much better! |
Anonymous
Look, everyone who didn't experience it can tell you what you should have done or what they would have done. But, when you're in a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, you do the best you can and try to learn from it. A few months back, someone tried to abduct one of my kids. If I had a dime for everything that people think I did wrong, I could get a cup of Starbucks coffee - large, maybe two. But, you know what? Not a single person who told me they would have handled things differently ever walked in my shoes. And, you know what? You have your child and I have mine and, given that, I feel pretty great about how I handled things. Not saying there aren't things to learn, especially learning to listen to our inner voice. Just saying that you should not feel bad for a second about the way you handled it because whatever you did kept your child safe. |
Anonymous
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OP, I don't think the point is that you should blame yourself for your reactions in a scary and unfamiliar situation, but you should have a plan ready if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future. I was taught as a teen, and I will teach my daughter, that if you are in a scary or dangerous situation, pick out one person and ask them to help you in a specific way. This could mean asking them to intervene on your behalf, walk you to your car, or call the police-depending on the seriousness of the situation. Like you, those men in the store didn't know what they should do. If you ask for help, that gives them permission to act.
When I worked in retail my standard approach was "stop bothering the customer and get out. I'm calling the cops, you can choose to be here or not be here when they show up." But I only got to the point where I knew that that was my approach after being in some situations where I was really unsure what the customer wanted me to do/what I was allowed to do-like the men in your incident. |
Anonymous
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PPs have given some great advice.
Just want to add that this is an important thread for everyone to read to remind themselves that they need to walk themselves mentally through what they will do in unsafe situations. I know people get sick of others recommending it, but "The Gift of Fear" is a truly, truly excellent book. It is not about making you more paranoid, fearful, etc. It's about helping you feel more in control, more confident, better able to correctly handle situations if, God forbid, they arise. |
Anonymous
| I've been in a similar situation, once at a Staples where I was working in a self-serve center alone and a man began to harass me in a fairly threatening fashion. People working there didn't jump to my aid, so I went to the counter and found the biggest man working there I could and told him directly to help me. He did. Sometimes you need to speak up for your own safety. Or leave immediately. Though they should have helped, stats show people don't tend to jump in. So speak up! |
Anonymous
| OP, we all can play the "I would have...." game. I had a similar situation once (crazy man literally picked up my child and started to walk off with her). Everyone just stood there-- I did too. But then it kicked in and I was a screaming lunatic. After everything, I had a woman come up to me, she was crying and saying that it was "that" sound in my voice that made her realize something was desperately wrong. Now? I am the first one to get involved because I know that feeling. My husband calls it my Spidey Sense. I bet you will have it now too. |
Anonymous
OMG how scary. I'm glad everything turned out okay. OP, I was in a VERY similar situation as you. But it was CVS and the man approached me, but then followed me around the store. I was in the aisle and he came very close to me - VERY close, so I stated in a LOUD, FIRM VOICE, "BACK OFF. DO NOT STAND CLOSE TO ME AND STOP FOLLOWING ME." It got all the employees' attention and he held his hands up and backed away and said "I'm not doing nuthin'" but he walked away. Since the employees were all aware, one of them offered to walk me to my car as well. Just to give you confidence that if you yell at them, it'll sometimes work. Not always, unfortunately, but sometimes. Sorry this happened to you. |
Anonymous
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I was one of the PP's who was perhaps a bit too harsh. It was a scary situation and fortunately no one was hurt. But it should make you (and everyone else who hasn't thought about it) develop a plan for when you find yourself in a threatening environment.
Be assertive and be loud. The guys working at the deli (or in lots of other places) didn't know what you wanted -- to be walked to your car. Ask/tell them. Good luck and I hope you have a better breakfast this coming weekend. |
Anonymous
| OP again: actually the point was was that everyone (including those working there) felt like it was an unsafe situation and were also intimidated to say anything. In any case yes I'm going to prepare myself for these situations in the future- though I sincerely hope they don't come up again! I'm actually from a very urban area and never had an issue like this where I lived. When we moved here I had the impression that it would be safer here but from reading these posts I do need to be more vigilant. Thanks again for everyone support. |
Anonymous
| Concealed weapon permit? Kidding, sort of. |
Anonymous
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Remember you had the hot coffee in your hand. IN an emergency - throw that and run back into a store and ask them to call the police. DO NOT go to your car.
BTW, my DD and I are taking an Israeli self-defense course called Krav Maga. I highly recommend it. The first thing they teach you is to scream "BACK OFF" as loud as you can, position yourself to administer some well-placed kicks if necessary, and then get yourself to a safe place ASAP. It's all about protecting yourself with minimal problems and getting yourself to a safe place. And, yes, I have a concealed carry permit but would not have used the firearm in this situation. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for posting about this...good reminder to always be vigilant. Glad you and your son are safe! |