Frank Discussion and Honest Answers on tuition affordability

[Anonymous]

We live in an area with great public schools and pretty good special needs support, at least in terms of what our child needs which is minimal. Our neighbors also have a child with some special needs and they go private. It sounds like a great opportunity if you can afford it-small classes, lots of extra attention, close knit parent community etc.

They still have a lot of debt to pay off from their schooling. They also are into fancy cars, swanky vacas, etc and their home was much more expensive than ours because they bought it with all sorts of renovations, etc. Their HH income is much higher than ours. They chose to live how they want to and I respect it. We prefer to have no school debt and more in retirement and we supplement the public school experience with ST, OT and will do tutoring in the future if needed. We drive old unimpressive cars, etc, etc.

The ONLY thing I don't respect or "private school" neighbors for is the number of times they turn up their noses at the fact we use the public school system. They share with us all the horror stories their private school friends share and when we say we are content, we get as lot of pointed questions. We cannot afford private school. Yes we have saved more than they have and we live frugaly, but even if we didn't save as much-cannot afford it. It's almost cruel to keep trying to convince us the public schools are ghastly because we have no other choice!

[Anonymous]

HHI > $200K (2 full time incomes plus my husband had to get a 2nd job)
2 kids need private school
Can't afford Lab type school.
Sent them to a school with class size of 12-15 with support from outside.
Pulled equity out of the house. Blew through about 30K of that in 3 years.
Receive $3K FA per child.
It is still a struggle.
Holding my breath and hoping this all pays off by high school.

On the positive side, we are saving money on psycologists because before they moved schools both my kids were in therapy for depression. IEPs are hard for teachers to implement and the heavy sigh before they remember that your child needs their accomodation can really wear on a child. Note: They can also hear you talking about them "behind their back" to other teachers.

Our current school does not have "accomodation" everything I would ask them to do is just part of teaching - in their opinion. (Don't ask - I won't say - already can't believe the haters are on this thread.)

Sorry for your situation - it is close to an impossible situation - knowing you care and helping at night and working yourself to the bone - your child knows you are doing all you can - that goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this situation and im so glad this has been a thoughtful conversation, noting that no matter what this is a strain and tough situation. Great to the few who have things work out perfectly in public but im struck by how common it is to not have public help your SN kid, but private is a humunous strain, to put it mildly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in this situation and im so glad this has been a thoughtful conversation, noting that no matter what this is a strain and tough situation. Great to the few who have things work out perfectly in public but im struck by how common it is to not have public help your SN kid, but private is a humunous strain, to put it mildly.

You have public help, its just not always the quality or amount that you'd like for your child. We ended up doing private services and not sure what we will do about K. My thought is to do public if you are already at the schools and just supplement with private services if your insurance will help. I'd only do private school if there is a huge need/social adjustment issue and before that I'd get a advocate to see if a school change or teacher change would be more beneficial.

Anyone making over $150-200,00 has the income to do a private school if you budget properly. We'd have to do some cut backs and watch spending but it would be doable.

[Anonymous]

PP: I should have said -- public isn't helping my child, despite supports, and i have lost all confidence that it will.

This does not appear to be an unusal sentiment, based on the response to this thread.

I also think you are extremely naive if you say anyone making 150k or more can do it. SN private schools are generaly 40k. You don't know what other obligations families have -- other children with other needs, for example. It's not as simple as you portray it. $40k is a LOT of money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in this situation and im so glad this has been a thoughtful conversation, noting that no matter what this is a strain and tough situation. Great to the few who have things work out perfectly in public but im struck by how common it is to not have public help your SN kid, but private is a humunous strain, to put it mildly.

You have public help, its just not always the quality or amount that you'd like for your child. We ended up doing private services and not sure what we will do about K. My thought is to do public if you are already at the schools and just supplement with private services if your insurance will help. I'd only do private school if there is a huge need/social adjustment issue and before that I'd get a advocate to see if a school change or teacher change would be more beneficial.

Anyone making over $150-200,00 has the income to do a private school if you budget properly. We'd have to do some cut backs and watch spending but it would be doable.

I totally disagree with this last statement. You cannot make such a general statement without knowing the full picture. What if we're caring for an aging parent? Chronic illness?
In our case, DH was out of a job for a year - we blew through savings and tapped our credit cards. a hard pill to swallow, going from paying off the cc bill every month to carrying multiple balances. he is now in a well- paying job BUT we are trying to recoup and recover. That means Im going back to work and we are not putting money away for retirement for now. We are also paying for my step daughter's college - an obligation that was agreed upon a long time ago which is a non-starter. We dont take fancy vacations, are pretty plain-jane people and I ASSURE you, we cannot afford a $36K tuition bill.

Im not sure if you live in the DC area, but $150-200K is NOT a lot of money around here. so, no its not dobale.

All that said, I do like your statement regarding finding an advocate to see if a teacher change is in order. thats a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP. The person who made that 150k statement made me really mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again - PP brought up an interesting point about grandparents.

My parents have actually set aside college tuition money for all the grandkids. I wonder if using that money now would be feasible? Heck, if we dont find a way to improve his learning environ he may never get to college!!

I second the suggestion to get a consulant/advocate to help you improve your situation with the public school. That's what we do. It's not cheap but it's far cheaper than private school. And, like you say, we're spending our kids' college fund now because if we don't, they'll never get to college.

I'd love to do private school but even though we're in the $150K HHI range, we really can't afford it (despite what a PP says). Two of my three kids have SNs and even my NT has to see an SLP for some articulation/pronounciation issues. We drive old, paid off cars. My DH has learned to do most of the minor repairs/maintenance. I wear the same old clothes every day from Target/Old Navy/Costco. The kids' clothes come from consignment sales. We pack our lunches and bring coffee in thermoses. Christmas gifts are purchased throughout the year or on Black Friday. We take 2 vacations a year - we drive to my home state in the Midwest where we stay with my mother for a week and spring break. We get a timeshare off eBay for the week somewhere we can drive to. I gave up hairstylists and pedicures a long time ago. I go to the Hair Cuttery and do my own color. We clip coupons. We have no housekeeper or lawn care. I even start all our flowers from seed. If the VA gas tax is repealed and they charge by mileage, I'm going to start biking to work. We don't even do a date night. Can't afford the babysitter!

[Anonymous]

PP -- that's grim. Is there any way to do this in a more liveable way -- do you think it would be any better if we lived in a more affordable area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP: I should have said -- public isn't helping my child, despite supports, and i have lost all confidence that it will.

This does not appear to be an unusal sentiment, based on the response to this thread.

I also think you are extremely naive if you say anyone making 150k or more can do it. SN private schools are generaly 40k. You don't know what other obligations families have -- other children with other needs, for example. It's not as simple as you portray it. $40k is a LOT of money

We make slightly more than that and if necessary can put out $40,000 for private school if needed. You have to decide what your priorities are. If your mortgage is to big, you need to reduce it (sell or refinance - we refinanced), get rid of the extras, etc. There are plenty of good schools for $20,000 in less your child is that high needs and then you get an advocate to get the school system to pay. It is a lot of money but you do what you need to do. We spend on $1500 a month with insurance on therapies & specialized preschool and right now I cannot work due to the transportation of our child. If we had to give up our house and move into an apartment or move further out or what ever was the major impact of our income, we'd do it. I see plenty of excuses of why not. You can also make it work with public school and private services. We do speech therapy 2 days a week privately (would do more if the provider had time) as well as several other therapies. Its just as much or more than she would get in a private specialized school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP -- that's grim. Is there any way to do this in a more liveable way -- do you think it would be any better if we lived in a more affordable area?

Not the previous PP but I would like to interject with a giant YES. if we lived in a more affordable area, we could afford private. How do I know that? well, I used to live in the mid-west. great quality of life, low taxes (and still got a refund every year), nice roads, great schools. DH had a great job, we had a nice home and money for a nice vacation once a year. DH's job transfered us here. His pay did not change as he works for a large corporation and they dont usually pay you based on where you live, but on the payscale for that particular job -period no matter where you live.

Cant tell you the last time we got a refund, now we owe every damn year. No more nice vacations (and im not talking Bora Bora, but cheap Mexico), tiny rental home and shitty roads. so yes, we are paying the piper for living here. Unfortunatley you go where the jobs are and at that time, they were in the mid-west.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP: I should have said -- public isn't helping my child, despite supports, and i have lost all confidence that it will.

This does not appear to be an unusal sentiment, based on the response to this thread.

I also think you are extremely naive if you say anyone making 150k or more can do it. SN private schools are generaly 40k. You don't know what other obligations families have -- other children with other needs, for example. It's not as simple as you portray it. $40k is a LOT of money

We make slightly more than that and if necessary can put out $40,000 for private school if needed. You have to decide what your priorities are. If your mortgage is to big, you need to reduce it (sell or refinance - we refinanced), get rid of the extras, etc. There are plenty of good schools for $20,000 in less your child is that high needs and then you get an advocate to get the school system to pay. It is a lot of money but you do what you need to do. We spend on $1500 a month with insurance on therapies & specialized preschool and right now I cannot work due to the transportation of our child. If we had to give up our house and move into an apartment or move further out or what ever was the major impact of our income, we'd do it. I see plenty of excuses of why not. You can also make it work with public school and private services. We do speech therapy 2 days a week privately (would do more if the provider had time) as well as several other therapies. Its just as much or more than she would get in a private specialized school.

Im begging you to tell me a private school who's tuition is $20K (that's not parochial). They dont exist.

[Anonymous]

I really hate the kind of sentiment expressed in 1728, the preachy I know what i would do, there is a solution to everything sentiment.

Poster -- you DONT know what other peoples situations are. You dont know if people are trapped or limited. You just dont know.

And you have a preschooler. With all due respect, a lot of us with school aged kids have learned its not so simple as hiring an advocate and making the city or district pay for it. It doesnt always work that way, and sometimes a hearing officer dumps the kid in an unacceptable placement in the interim

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hate the kind of sentiment expressed in 1728, the preachy I know what i would do, there is a solution to everything sentiment.

Poster -- you DONT know what other peoples situations are. You dont know if people are trapped or limited. You just dont know.

And you have a preschooler. With all due respect, a lot of us with school aged kids have learned its not so simple as hiring an advocate and making the city or district pay for it. It doesnt always work that way, and sometimes a hearing officer dumps the kid in an unacceptable placement in the interim

I agree. I don't mind when people talk about what worked for THEM but preaching about how everyone else can make it work if only they tried harder is a little much especially if you haven't been doing it very long. Finding what works for a preschooler is not the same as having a middle or high schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hate the kind of sentiment expressed in 1728, the preachy I know what i would do, there is a solution to everything sentiment.

Poster -- you DONT know what other peoples situations are. You dont know if people are trapped or limited. You just dont know.

And you have a preschooler. With all due respect, a lot of us with school aged kids have learned its not so simple as hiring an advocate and making the city or district pay for it. It doesnt always work that way, and sometimes a hearing officer dumps the kid in an unacceptable placement in the interim

I agree. I don't mind when people talk about what worked for THEM but preaching about how everyone else can make it work if only they tried harder is a little much especially if you haven't been doing it very long. Finding what works for a preschooler is not the same as having a middle or high schooler.

+1