Frank Discussion and Honest Answers on tuition affordability

[Anonymous]

I have been trying like heck to understand how on God's green earth most people can afford private school tuition in the DC area - whether for neurotypical kids or SN kids, without dipping into retirement or no longer contributing to our retirement (thus increasing our tax burden while decreasing the quality of our lives when we are 70+...when we most need it) OR going into serious/dangerous levels of debt. If we could afford it, DS would be in private in a heartbeat! I feel like we're failing him because his MoCo public is not getting it done. I think their curricullum is seriously lacking and not well-planned. DS has an IEP that is being fully utilized and DS is STILL falling behind...and yes, he has a tutor and yes, i work with him every single freaking night for an extra hour on math and writing. And yes, he is on medication.

DH and I both work, make great money but "so-so" money for the DC area. Yet we are stuck in that trap of making way too much to get aid of any kind. Even if I quit my job, we would still make too much. Please NO smart-ass comments about how fortunate we are. We live very simple lives, MAYBE one domestic beach vacation a year. Drive normal cars. No expensive hobbies. Small house. No housekeeper. No gym membership. No nail salon. I color my own hair. I know we are very fortunate, we can afford to pay our bills and put food on the table. But we cannot afford what is prbably most important to us - private of our SN DS.

Those who send kiddos to private, could you please post your income? And if you get aid? I want to know if we are doing something terribly wrong.

TIA

[Anonymous]

There are many many threads on financial aid in the Private/Independent Schools forum. You might start here: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/16481.page

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I was exhausted after page 1 though.

8 pages of nasty replies that derailed after page 1 is not really helpful. Im hoping my quetion won't derail into a nasty discussion that is no longer relevant to the original question

[Anonymous]

Try looking at some of the other threads then. Sadly I don't think there is much reason to believe this one will turn out to be much different from the others. And if you ignore the vitriol, you'll find a lot of anecdotal information about how much aid people are getting.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you pay private tuition you reduce your savings and/or retirement--no matter what your income. If you spend it somewhere, you can't spend it somewhere else. Each individual family has to set priorities. Myself, I regret the private tuition for one child who would have done as well if not better in public and I am mixed on the second. It was probably the best thing socially, but who really knows. The reality is that we have spent over $300k already on private tuition that could have cone to pay off a mortgage or better fund retirement. I have no magic 8 ball to say whether or not it was the right choice. Good luck with your endeavors.

[Anonymous]

The problem with these discussions, and what they really can be distilled down to, are the priorities of the parents. Because the people who are really in the middle are the one's who have to make the tough choices. (People with super high incomes don't worry about it, and those with low income either don't think of independent schools or get good FA packages.)

What's left are those who make between 150 to, say 275/yr., who then have to choose whether 60k/year is worth it to them. That's a totally personal decision, and, as the PP wrote, there's no magic 8 ball answer. It is totally personal. In our case, we get no FA, but we budget for the school tuition, and we do not max out retirement contributions. Everyone has to make their own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with these discussions, and what they really can be distilled down to, are the priorities of the parents. Because the people who are really in the middle are the one's who have to make the tough choices. (People with super high incomes don't worry about it, and those with low income either don't think of independent schools or get good FA packages.)

What's left are those who make between 150 to, say 275/yr., who then have to choose whether 60k/year is worth it to them. That's a totally personal decision, and, as the PP wrote, there's no magic 8 ball answer. It is totally personal. In our case, we get no FA, but we budget for the school tuition, and we do not max out retirement contributions. Everyone has to make their own decisions.

I said 60k referring to my two DCs.

[Anonymous]

The answer to you question is that only people who make better than "so so" money can afford private school without going into debt/not saving for retirement, etc.

Private school is and always has been for the wealthy. Don't feel bad you can't afford it, any more than you'd feel bad about not having a pied a terre in Paris or a yacht.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs, good points. yes, we are in that $150-275 range.

We rent, so we cant pull equity. And why do we rent? to be honest, we moved do to a "high-rent" area so that DS could go to a top MoCo public...and we cannot afford to buy here as even a shacks go under contract with all cash buyers. We have one typical and one with LDs. Not fair to my "typical" DD to move her again - not when she's about to start high school.

Anyhow, in doing the math - even if we stopped contributing to our 401K - we could still not afford privates.

[Anonymous]

We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

PS. PP back. This is how I grew up , too, so this way of living feels familiar and natural to me.

[Anonymous]

PP - cutting internet and TV does NOT go very far in increasing affordability. Nor is it realistic. DH sometimes works from home, DD has school projects that require online research and dont say "go to the library"...lets be realistic here. I barely have time to make dinner much less drive kids to library - that is closed some days of the week - sit there while she does her research while still trying to help DS with his homework.

Driving paid for cars - yes, that DOES help. One car is almost paid for so that will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP - cutting internet and TV does NOT go very far in increasing affordability. Nor is it realistic. DH sometimes works from home, DD has school projects that require online research and dont say "go to the library"...lets be realistic here. I barely have time to make dinner much less drive kids to library - that is closed some days of the week - sit there while she does her research while still trying to help DS with his homework.

Driving paid for cars - yes, that DOES help. One car is almost paid for so that will help.

Sorry. Just telling you what has worked for us. Can only share what has personally worked for us. Don't know what'll work for you. But no need to get worked up if I just tell you what has worked for us. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, we are in a very similar situation and decided to switch DD to a private SN school that could better suit her learning needs. MCPS was a disaster for her and we had to do something. It wasn't easy at first to pay such a large tuition but we find a way to make it work - so far. Yes, our retirement is not what it should be but the choice for us came down to a truly miserable child in crisis vs. less savings for retirement. It has been 3 years and DD is doing very well. We sometimes consider switching her back to public but she is benefiting so much that we have decided to keep her where she is for now. We do receive a small amount of aid which we are truly grateful for. Even on this private board, I am hesitant to list how much aid and what our income is. We truly didn't think we would get any aid based on our income (and what you read here on DCUM!). The aid helps but it still hurts to make those payments. I would just say that it might be worth applying to a school and see what kind of aid available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP - cutting internet and TV does NOT go very far in increasing affordability. Nor is it realistic. DH sometimes works from home, DD has school projects that require online research and dont say "go to the library"...lets be realistic here. I barely have time to make dinner much less drive kids to library - that is closed some days of the week - sit there while she does her research while still trying to help DS with his homework.

Driving paid for cars - yes, that DOES help. One car is almost paid for so that will help.

Sorry. Just telling you what has worked for us. Can only share what has personally worked for us. Don't know what'll work for you. But no need to get worked up if I just tell you what has worked for us. Good luck.

You're right sorry about the attitude. Just frustrated. that and its cold and rainy....