ADHD 2nd grade son expelled for the day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid with ADHD so maybe my opinion isn't needed but I find this whole incident really kind of overblown by the school. A kid brings an object to school, pokes another kid with it -- so what? -- it isn't a weapon. Asking him whether he's purposely used it to hurt someone is so vague and meaningless. Kudos to him for being honest.

To me this whole incident is so overwrought, so laden with moral dilemmas and ethical traps, and so completely over the top. Teacher should have said "Kevin, give that to me and I will give it back to you after class." End of story. This is not about adhd to me, it's about overdramatizing and the stupidity of zero tolerance policies.

Medicate for this??? Omigod. Again, I don't have a kid with adhd, but I could see ANY child falling into this horrible trap and I feel so bad for your son, OP.

Agree with all of this. (Although I'm a proponent of meds when indicated, but this wouldn't be the deciding moment for me in that debate!)

[Anonymous]

<<This.

OP you are delusional. Your son has very really problems. >>

Huh?? How is the OP delusional? OP is considering seeing a psych, is really down. This is the reaction of someone who sees her child as having "very real (not really) problems.

Poster who wrote that -- you are very really mean.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the mom of an ADHD son. My opinion is that you should take this as a warning "ping." I don't think that it warrants a trip to the psychologist, yet. This does all kind of fall within the realm of normal kid behavior, but I know that these kinds of incidents make parents of ADHD kid anxious because we are always seeing these behaviors in our kids, but to an extreme degree, so we get alarmed.

But a little flag has gone up and you need to take into consideration the overall pattern of behavior. If this is an isolated incident, let him serve his time and that is that. If he has an interest in/tendency toward violent play, I agree that you should limit that. In particular, this is not a kid who should be playing even mildly violent video games. You don't need to make this about his ADHD. Just tell him "these are our family rules, end of story."

However, if this is the latest in a string of issues and you are starting to feel uneasy, by all means consult someone. Just make sure you find someone really really good because I think a bad therapist can do more harm than good.

Good luck. It sounds like you are on top of the situation and are reacting reasonably.

[Anonymous]

If your general pediatrician is prescribing his meds you may want to take him to see a specialist. This really is a specialized area.

Otherwise, I wouldn't give it another thought. he did something stupid and he was punished. I generally don't punish my kids at home when they've already been punished at school, generally. if this is a pattern of behavior you might want to seek some kind of behavior modification program. Otherwise, just make sure he's on the right meds.

I have teens and I have seen kids do far, far worse. They grew (so far) to be perfectly nice teenagers. A lot of people on this thread are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Holy Batman people!! I only read the first page of replies and have a different point of view as some of the others.

OP - your son is in SECOND GRADE! He is a little guy, who happens to have issues with impulsivity. Mine does too, but it comes in the form of calling out during class. they have ADHD for god's sake! Your DS is not a violent kid, he's a sweet boy that didnt realize the harm that a dull scalpel could do. Use this as a teaching moment for sure. Those goddamn morons at your school should know better than to pose that line of questioning to your son by the way. WTF?! My DS, who is in 4th, would not know how to answer that question without getting himself into trouble either! he's a super honest kid who does not know how to lie or manipulate. What a bunch of beurocrats

Punishing him is over the top too. don't take away his screen time, or send him to his room. he's being punished enough for being reprimanded at school and brought home for the day. Then when he goes back he's going to be watched like a hawk and don't think he wont notice it. Have an open discussion as a family about what happened, and let it go. check his pockets and backpack in the morning going forward. You dont need counseling, you're not raising an evil kid. He has impulse issues not evil thoughts!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think a trip to a child psych is a good idea not because this is such a big deal--come on, people, it really isn't--but because a child psych can give you good guidelines about limiting toys and play etc. I think this stuff is more complex than people are making it out to be and play can be a very positive way for kids, boys especially, to work through very normal aggression. I think if I were you would absolutely eliminate (not limit) all violent video games or cartoons but I would not try to keep him for sword fighting with his friends or playing pretend light sabers or roughhousing. Kids NEED to do that stuff to develop social skills and learn what the limits are, when they have gone too far, when they can continue because everyone is having fun. Kids learn so much through play and you might be worse off if you don't give him the chance.

[Anonymous]

I've got ADHD kids and NT kids. In my experience, this falls within the realm of typical behavior. I'm also not bothered by his comment about doing it again. One of my NT kids something similar. When asked by her teacher if she would do [insert negative behavior here] again, she thought for a minute and said "well, maybe". The teacher looked at her and said 'the correct response is I won't do it again'. When I asked DD about it, she said she didn't want to say never because there might be a time when she'd need to. And, she didn't want to be dishonest with the teacher.

I'm sure your DS has learned his lesson and been punished enough.

[Anonymous]

I understand your concern, OP. Your son was suspended, and that is a horrible feeling. I don't think you need to overreact and take him to a psychologist. My NT kid loves guns and shooting, and is always talking about blowing things up. We have not a single violent toy in our house, and no, he's not allowed to play violent video games, but still he plays with pretend guns and makes shooting and exploding noises, laughing. Is he a) a psychopath? or b) a normal American boy? I think he picks up all this shooting and exploding from his friends, and from the general culture he inhabits.

OP, if your son had poked his friend with another type of toy would he have been suspended? He might have had the toy confiscated, but that would have been the end of it. Because this was a toy in the shape of a knife, that made the principal and teacher go nuts, overreact and suspend your child. Plus, they know he has ADHD, so he's in their radar as a potential problem right from the start.

Personally, I'd get rid of toy weapons and violent games, but honestly, OP, I've done that and it didn't do any good! We live in such a mixed-up society. Spend your time and energy signing petitions to support a ban on assault weapons and writing your senators and congressperson. And calm down. Your child's behavior sounds pretty typical to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes about as much sense as taking nail clippers away from airline passengers on the grounds that we are stopping terrorism.

Agreed. The reaction of the school is preposterous and so are some of these hysteric comments.

[Anonymous]

When I was in third grade, I got caught doing something wrong (honestly can't remember what) and when asked to apologize, I said, "I'm like the thief who's not sorry he stole but is very sorry he's been caught." (This was a line from Gone with the Wind, which I read over and over again.)

I got in a lot of trouble for that and I remember being really bewildered as to why.

I was an odd child but I am, as far as I know, NT. I was also eight.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry to say this, but I would be extremely upset if I found out my child was being "poked" by a scalpel. VERY upset. OP, I'm sorry that your son and you are in this position, but I honestly don't understand why everyone thinks the school is over-reacting. He didn't call someone a name, or shout out in class - he "poked" someone with a knife. I think OP is doing a great job with her son, and I don't have suggestions for any different behavior, but I'm glad the school did what they did and I'm flummoxed by the responses that seem to think they overreacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry to say this, but I would be extremely upset if I found out my child was being "poked" by a scalpel. he "poked" someone with a knife.

It was a toy scalpel from a toy science kit, not a knife. Typical 2nd grade boy behavior.

OP it sounds like you are on top of things, no advice just hugs coming your way. As you go through your day today, ask your dh and male co-workers/friends about things they did as kids. When I hear these stories from successful adults I find it very reassuring. Good luck to you and your little guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry to say this, but I would be extremely upset if I found out my child was being "poked" by a scalpel. VERY upset. OP, I'm sorry that your son and you are in this position, but I honestly don't understand why everyone thinks the school is over-reacting. He didn't call someone a name, or shout out in class - he "poked" someone with a knife. I think OP is doing a great job with her son, and I don't have suggestions for any different behavior, but I'm glad the school did what they did and I'm flummoxed by the responses that seem to think they overreacted.

I'm a PP with an ADHD child. If it were my son, I'd absolutely expect you to be upset and I'd absolutely expect the school to follow through with the zero tolerance policy. I'd be glad they were impressing on my son just how serious his behavior was. Even if OP's son didn't get it, which, after having had second graders three times, I doubt, he needs to learn. And, even though kids are impulsive, particularly ADHD kids, the manner in which they are impulsive can be controlled. I don't find the schools reaction to be over the top at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry to say this, but I would be extremely upset if I found out my child was being "poked" by a scalpel. he "poked" someone with a knife.

It was a toy scalpel from a toy science kit, not a knife. Typical 2nd grade boy behavior.

I have two second-grade boys and it is absolutely not typical second grade boy behavior. And OP said it "it came with a scalpel (albeit a dull one)" - that's not a toy, that's a dull knife. OP, you're doing great and staying calm and being reasonable. But this is not typical behavior and I'm glad that both you and the school are addressing it. Hugs to you and your boy.

[Anonymous]

One suggestion I haven't seen here: Maybe monitor things a bit more closely so that, in the future, you are aware has a scalpel and can make sure he doesn't take it to school.