What were you in high school (nerd, brain, band geek, jock, druggie, etc.); how did life turn out?

[Anonymous]

I was a middle of the road floater- got along with everyone. 2nd tier popular- not the most popular, but was friends with the most popular kids (as well as everyone else) and well known. Plenty of friends and never really had any issues at all in high school with mean girls or bullying or anything like that.

I'm pretty much the same way now. By and large the most popular in my high school are uh, kind of losers. I'm from the South and most of them seem to have stayed in our hometown and settled in. Mediocre jobs, most of them didn't graduate from college or never went and aren't as good looking as they were in high school. (Oh how blessed I feel not to have hit my peak at 17. I was cute then, but much better looking now.) They lead pretty small lives. A couple went to rehab.

I'm not sure if your meek daughter will inherit the earth, but I will say, some of the kids I went to school with who were labeled as nerds or geeks really ARE fabulously funny and interesting adults now, and I would way rather be friends with them and hang out and chat than with the simpletons who were the most popular.

[Anonymous]

I was one of those academically ahead/socially behind teenagers. I didn't really blossom until my 20s.

It really does get better.

[Anonymous]

I was near the top of my class (graduated 5th!), played three sports, was a student council officer, was voted on to homecoming court, played cello in the orchestra, and was involved in a million other things. I was popular and academic in high school, but I went to a math/science (STEM) magnet school. I'm now an attorney, married with 2 kids.

Life was good in high school and is pretty sweet now. I know it may appear that I live a charmed life, but I've worked extremely hard since high school and it's payed off.

[Anonymous]

I was a "smart kid" who hung out with the art/theater crowd, although I was not involved in either of those activities myself. I was friendly enough with the "in crowd", but not friends with them. I would say I am pretty much exactly the same now! I'm about as successful as you would expect one of the "smart kids" to be, but our smart crowd was not particularly nerdy, we were more artsy. For the most part, we are nowmanagers, lawyers, doctors, and scientists. There are a handful that ended up doing drugs in whatever college town they went to school in. I think this happens to one or two of every "smart kid" in every high school, especially if you grew up somewhere where there was not a whole lot going on.

The popular kids, for the most part, stayed nearby to where we grew up and are successful in their own right. I doubt very many of them have graduate degrees, though, and about 90% of my "smart kid" friends do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the message you are giving your daughter is a harmful one.

My ILs told my husband something similar. They said all the party kids would grow up to be garbage collectors and live in trailer homes, and he would laugh at them like they laughed at him now. They are Indian, and somehow, this was very comforting to them.

To be blunt, that's the wrong paradigm. You don't live your life according to revenge, or arrogance, or who can look down on whom. You live to be a good person who uses her God-given talents to bring love, joy, and peace to the world.

My oldest teenage daughter is homeschooled, but she has taken classes in various settings and experienced her own angst, so I'm not saying this out of thin air. Your daughter does not need to tear other people down to build herself up. Her value is infinite and independent of the way other people treat her. She is a unique, priceless, beautiful creation who has so much to offer.

Don't play these hurtful games. Rise above them. Where there is life, there is hope, as well as the temptation to despair. So what if the jock gets washed up, the popular girls marry badly, the nerds get rich? None of that is important. What is important is love. Do these kids grow up to love one another, to love their neighbor as themselves, to realize they need forgiveness and to forgive?

For me, I was the totally messed up nerdy outsider reject brainiac. Maybe I still am, despite my friendships and work and degrees, but I know God loves me, forgives me for my faults, and is trying to work with me.

I'm really not sure how being Indian has anything to do with this. I think most nerdy kids would be "comforted" by this statement - this is basically what the OP is telling her daughter. I get the feeling OP is not going to be comforted by your hippy dippy statements, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Band geek. Not a super brainy nerd, but I was in National Honor Society. Was a little chubby but not huge, never was a tiny girl like the cheerleaders or drill team girls. Not the classically pretty girl. In my 20s, I drank a lot and slept around more than I needed to, have quite a few one night stands under my belt. Have never had a decent relationship with my Dad. Didn't finish college but am currently in a career in the IT industry as an analyst making close to 6 figures. Divorced and remarried, 2 children, financially stable, decent home in the burbs. Working on going back to school later this year. Only reason I didn't go straight to college out of HS is that my mother had a heart attack and both siblings that could assist in caring for her had children of their own to care for.

Pretty socially outgoing, active in a leadership role in my Moms group, enjoy watching my children grow and learn, mentoring 4 elementary students weekly. On a low dose of zoloft just to take the edge off of some of the crazy of the day as I tend to be a bit of a control freak at times. Major emotionally/mentally challenging times in my life were when my first marriage failed (infidelity), death of sibling, death of grandmother who I was very close to, weeklong hospital stay for newborn, failure at breastfeeding. In the past year, work has been a challenge due to some personality conflicts on a specific project; I lost my confidence.

The biggest challenge that I currently have is that DH and I have had some problems over the last couple years since having children. He cheated, we're working on it, but there are times I'm afraid to talk to him about things so I'm learning new ways to communicate in a positive way with him.

My bff from middle school and HS is still one of my closest friends to this day.

[Anonymous]

I was a nerd, smart. Went to Ivy and law school. Married an old money, ivy leaguer. Became a fund raising volunteer, benefits attending, jet setting SAHW. Gave up the socialite part when we had kids, now a SAHM. Got over being nerdy. No one now would ever guess how I was as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the message you are giving your daughter is a harmful one.

My ILs told my husband something similar. They said all the party kids would grow up to be garbage collectors and live in trailer homes, and he would laugh at them like they laughed at him now. They are Indian, and somehow, this was very comforting to them.

To be blunt, that's the wrong paradigm. You don't live your life according to revenge, or arrogance, or who can look down on whom. You live to be a good person who uses her God-given talents to bring love, joy, and peace to the world.

My oldest teenage daughter is homeschooled, but she has taken classes in various settings and experienced her own angst, so I'm not saying this out of thin air. Your daughter does not need to tear other people down to build herself up. Her value is infinite and independent of the way other people treat her. She is a unique, priceless, beautiful creation who has so much to offer.

Don't play these hurtful games. Rise above them. Where there is life, there is hope, as well as the temptation to despair. So what if the jock gets washed up, the popular girls marry badly, the nerds get rich? None of that is important. What is important is love. Do these kids grow up to love one another, to love their neighbor as themselves, to realize they need forgiveness and to forgive?

For me, I was the totally messed up nerdy outsider reject brainiac. Maybe I still am, despite my friendships and work and degrees, but I know God loves me, forgives me for my faults, and is trying to work with me.

uhm... ???

[Anonymous]

I've completely blossomed since H.S., decade by decade. I was smart but not confident and somewhat shy. Went to a small college where I was more accepted and became more confident as I accomplished more. I also worked on my emotional issues and self-esteem, a short time with a very good therapist. Now, I'm an attractive, well put together, very confident woman with a successful career who can direct CEOs, walk into any social situation solo, and flirt with really good looking guys.

[Anonymous]

Most of the popular kids from my school are still great looking, wealthy, in perfect shape and all around go-getters. I grew up in a wealthy community that afforded many opportunities and most kids from my high school became successful, even the average ones.

So I agree, this isn't the best fantasy to put before DD as it might fail to deliver. Gwyneth Paltrow pretty much goes on being Gwyneth Paltrow....

[Anonymous]

I think some of this depends on what is valued as popular at your particular school. At my Big 3 private school is was smarts and drugs more than sports. At my DCs MoCo public high school it's smarts and sports. So no reason to think that groups where popularity is based largely on smarts aren't going to be successful long term. There may be places where the dumb jock/cheerleader stereotypes still exist, but it doesn't seem to be true in my world or my kids world.

[Anonymous]

I would describe myself as shy, average, middle of the road student in high school who did not blossom academically until my second year of college. I am a successful corporate lawyer now. Oh, and I graduated from DCPS and am doing just as well or better than some of my friends who graduated from private schools. The key for me was going away to college and developing a good sense of myself.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous posters who feel you are sending the wrong message. My mom used to tell this to us when we were growing up. This did little to build confidence and sends the message that you need to suffer now and they will suffer later. What your daughter needs is tools to get through this hard time in life.

[Anonymous]

I was smart, always in AP and Gifted classes, but I was really into drugs (not an addict, but certainly did a lot more than just pot) and smoked cigs until I got pregnant with my first child. I was also very social so I had a pretty big circle. I got arrested twice for posession.

I never finished college.

I've been met my wonderful husband 13 years ago and I have two kids. I bought my fist home when I was 22years old, which was the best move I could have made and has sent me up for a lifetime of low housing costs (HUGE in this area). My current life?


-I run marathons
-I can hardly drink anymore, causes bad hangovers, so I stay away. My preferred drink is a Kale Smoothie.
-I'm still very social and feel blessed to have some amazing friends.
-I am a landlord
-I'm on the PTA
-I make approx 160k/yr

Of my circle of druggie friends from highschool I still keep in touch with:

-one is a full blown prescription drug addict
-one is a famous Choreographer in NYC
-one is single and travels the world on her trust fund
-one moved to Costa Rica and opened a hotel and lives a dream life.

I would not trade my crazy days for an opportunity at Harvard. Because I picked a path less traveled, I think it has made me very resourceful and creative.

[Anonymous]

I was a band geek and probably nerdy. I was by no means popular, but I did have a good group of friends by my senior year. I'm doing really well now. I feel better about myself than ever. I have a great career, wonderful kids and a good marriage. I think I'm pretty lucky.

Here's the message I think you should send your child: High School is a blip on the radar. It is four years. Don't try and peak in high school -- you want to be on the upward part of your life building towards the peak. I think we all know folks who peaked in High School or College and have never been happy since and they are continually trying to relive high school or college. What a waste. Try to find a group you like and who like you -- doesn't matter if they are geeks, gay or glee, what matters is they let you be you and enjoy you being you. That's when you know you are on the right path.