Would you say this is abusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure this won't be popular, but to me your entire parenting style is off kilter if you have to resort to "saucing" or "soaping" or other kinds of physical correction.

Think of how you would feel if this were done to you, and remember, you are not just correcting the 4 year old in front of you, you are also correcting the 30 year old that will grow up recalling that this is the "best" you could do as a parent.

Reward positive behavior, model positive behavior, and ignore/isolate bad behavior. Be clear, be consistent and have a sense of humor too. Laughter and honesty go a long way to handling children.

Children do not do things that they blatantly think are wrong. They do whatever they can to get attention, good or bad.

Well, I'm with you with the fact that the hot sauce and corporal punishment is not right. I do think consequences are needed for bad behavior and if you think children never do things they know are wrong, this isn't true. We all did and kids do today. Model good behavior is terrific but kids want to know their is a line and I believe they will not be so disrespectful if they at least fear getting in trouble a little. That's the problem. Children don't fear getting in trouble. They don't mind the 1 minute on the stairs. Call them on their bluff when testing you to see if they will get in trouble. If they really desire a certain show, dessert, etc. Take it away. I don't like the corporal punishment, though.

[Anonymous]

My sister's sister-in-law does this to her kids. She and her other mother friends call it "sassy sauce." I was appalled to hear about it, and I do consider it abuse.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe that there is even a question in anyone's mind as to whether this practice is abusive. Any type of physical punishment, and of course emotional punishment as well, is abusive. What does abuse mean? In my mind, it means that you are using the power you have by virtue of being an adult (i.e., your physical strength, the child's dependence on you for her basic needs, the child's need for parental love, your financial power, etc.) in order to force or coerce your child to do what you want. Personally, I do not believe in punishment of any kind because it sets up a power struggle and damages the parent-child relationship (and yes, I have kids). It is more time-consuming and certainly more difficult to work with kids rather than doing things to them, but it is worth it. What many parents don't understand is that punishment reduces the level of influence that parents have on their children's moral development. Ideally, your child will learn that treating people with respect is the right thing to do and will internalize that value and utilize it throughout his or her life. Punishments, especially of the physical type, completely short-circuit the process of becoming intrinsically motivated to be a good person and treat other people well.

[Anonymous]

We as parents have no right to judge what another parents finds appropriate.

I agreed with the rest of your post, but this is utter bunk. OF COURSE we have the right to judge any damn thing we please. Since when aren't we "allowed" to judge things?! As for my judgement on this, I think putting hot sauce in a kids mouth SUCKS and I think parents who do this are weak, ignorant, and lacking good judgement. And I do find it abusive, right along with burning kids with cigarettes, locking them in closets, and calling them awful names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe that there is even a question in anyone's mind as to whether this practice is abusive. Any type of physical punishment, and of course emotional punishment as well, is abusive. What does abuse mean? In my mind, it means that you are using the power you have by virtue of being an adult (i.e., your physical strength, the child's dependence on you for her basic needs, the child's need for parental love, your financial power, etc.) in order to force or coerce your child to do what you want. Personally, I do not believe in punishment of any kind because it sets up a power struggle and damages the parent-child relationship (and yes, I have kids). It is more time-consuming and certainly more difficult to work with kids rather than doing things to them, but it is worth it. What many parents don't understand is that punishment reduces the level of influence that parents have on their children's moral development. Ideally, your child will learn that treating people with respect is the right thing to do and will internalize that value and utilize it throughout his or her life. Punishments, especially of the physical type, completely short-circuit the process of becoming intrinsically motivated to be a good person and treat other people well.

I was shocked to read your post. I'm with you on the abuse, but it def. does not ruin a child parent relationship to have punishment in your home. It's almost damaging not to have them. Your not teaching any boundaries, lines, or consequences which they will face in the real world. Prepare them. I think kids grow up puzzled if there is too much slack from mom and dad. Also, just like teachers, usually are stricter at the beginning of the year and than ease up, set boundaries early and be consistent. You won't have to yell, go corporal or anything. It will be instilled in them. But to shy away from any punishment, I think you might be in for a rude awakening when their older and they never got punishment for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe that there is even a question in anyone's mind as to whether this practice is abusive. Any type of physical punishment, and of course emotional punishment as well, is abusive. What does abuse mean? In my mind, it means that you are using the power you have by virtue of being an adult (i.e., your physical strength, the child's dependence on you for her basic needs, the child's need for parental love, your financial power, etc.) in order to force or coerce your child to do what you want. Personally, I do not believe in punishment of any kind because it sets up a power struggle and damages the parent-child relationship (and yes, I have kids). It is more time-consuming and certainly more difficult to work with kids rather than doing things to them, but it is worth it. What many parents don't understand is that punishment reduces the level of influence that parents have on their children's moral development. Ideally, your child will learn that treating people with respect is the right thing to do and will internalize that value and utilize it throughout his or her life. Punishments, especially of the physical type, completely short-circuit the process of becoming intrinsically motivated to be a good person and treat other people well.

I was shocked to read your post. I'm with you on the abuse, but it def. does not ruin a child parent relationship to have punishment in your home. It's almost damaging not to have them. Your not teaching any boundaries, lines, or consequences which they will face in the real world. Prepare them. I think kids grow up puzzled if there is too much slack from mom and dad. Also, just like teachers, usually are stricter at the beginning of the year and than ease up, set boundaries early and be consistent. You won't have to yell, go corporal or anything. It will be instilled in them. But to shy away from any punishment, I think you might be in for a rude awakening when their older and they never got punishment for anything.

I'm not the original poster, but I have read enough about alternative styles of parenting to understand the concept. Just to clarify, punishment is not the same as discipline. Most parenting styles which advocate not punishing still advocate disciplining, and really see those things as separate entitites. Just because a parent doesn't punish, does NOT mean that they don't set boundaries or teach consequences. In fact, most people I've met who don't "punish" are very good disciplinarians and are practically over-attentive to helping the child determine appropriate behavior. They just don't use punishments the way most of us do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe that there is even a question in anyone's mind as to whether this practice is abusive. Any type of physical punishment, and of course emotional punishment as well, is abusive. What does abuse mean? In my mind, it means that you are using the power you have by virtue of being an adult (i.e., your physical strength, the child's dependence on you for her basic needs, the child's need for parental love, your financial power, etc.) in order to force or coerce your child to do what you want. Personally, I do not believe in punishment of any kind because it sets up a power struggle and damages the parent-child relationship (and yes, I have kids). It is more time-consuming and certainly more difficult to work with kids rather than doing things to them, but it is worth it. What many parents don't understand is that punishment reduces the level of influence that parents have on their children's moral development. Ideally, your child will learn that treating people with respect is the right thing to do and will internalize that value and utilize it throughout his or her life. Punishments, especially of the physical type, completely short-circuit the process of becoming intrinsically motivated to be a good person and treat other people well.

I was shocked to read your post. I'm with you on the abuse, but it def. does not ruin a child parent relationship to have punishment in your home. It's almost damaging not to have them. Your not teaching any boundaries, lines, or consequences which they will face in the real world. Prepare them. I think kids grow up puzzled if there is too much slack from mom and dad. Also, just like teachers, usually are stricter at the beginning of the year and than ease up, set boundaries early and be consistent. You won't have to yell, go corporal or anything. It will be instilled in them. But to shy away from any punishment, I think you might be in for a rude awakening when their older and they never got punishment for anything.

I'm not the original poster, but I have read enough about alternative styles of parenting to understand the concept. Just to clarify, punishment is not the same as discipline. Most parenting styles which advocate not punishing still advocate disciplining, and really see those things as separate entitites. Just because a parent doesn't punish, does NOT mean that they don't set boundaries or teach consequences. In fact, most people I've met who don't "punish" are very good disciplinarians and are practically over-attentive to helping the child determine appropriate behavior. They just don't use punishments the way most of us do.

I'm the pp who your responding to and I appreciate you clarifying it for me. I also thing dcum could learn from you, because you explained in a way that wasn't condescending or insulting and I wish more debates were along these lines. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

From The Merrriam Webster Dictionary:

discipline (verb) -- to punish or penalize for the sake of discipline. synonym = punish
punish (verb) -- to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation. synonym = discipline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From The Merrriam Webster Dictionary:

discipline (verb) -- to punish or penalize for the sake of discipline. synonym = punish
punish (verb) -- to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation. synonym = discipline

Doesn't seem like a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

OK I am a grown adult who was subjected to "sassy sauce" and dish soap. Both I got frequently. Do I feel like my parents ABUSED me? NO. I think I abused them more. Please, call off the National Guard.

No, I would not use those methods, but I do not consider it abuse. I think there are other ways to avoid potty mouth and the best place to start is with yourself and to model good and appropriate respect and behavior.

[Anonymous]

I had it done to me, not because of a potty mouth, but because I used to suck my 2 middle fingers. One night my parents put tabasco sauce on my fingers..... well, I never sucked it again.