DH Sucks Sometimes

[Anonymous]

I had to laugh when I saw the heading for this post b/c my sisters and I have a saying -- "Sometimes husbands super suck." When one of us says this to another, the appropriate response is, "Yes they sure do."

[Anonymous]

My husband went out at night one time and he told me I will be here at 11pm, he arrived at 5am but I just locked the door and he could not come in the house for 2 days!!! He was so mad but it was right, he never, never did it again.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it, but I would first stop caring so much, then I would pretty much start having my happy hours and lastly I would just have him find his own way home. My husband did this when we were dating/living together and we had some huge fights, but thankfully he realized that this type of behavior was not conducive to our relationship. So, we got this out of the way before we got married and had kids. But I have a friend whose husband does the same thing and they fight all the time.
The irony of it all is that now my husband is the one who freaks out when I don't let him know when I'll be home or if I'm running late and I don't call him.

[Anonymous]

My ex "forgot" to come home from his friend's house and "forgot" to call (we were living together at the time) and he didn't even bother to call me at work the next day. I was up all night worrying and trying to call him with no avail. The next day I packed up all my stuff and moved out. We eventually made up, but he never did it to me again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex "forgot" to come home from his friend's house and "forgot" to call (we were living together at the time) and he didn't even bother to call me at work the next day. I was up all night worrying and trying to call him with no avail. The next day I packed up all my stuff and moved out. We eventually made up, but he never did it to me again.

this is not why we broke up by the way...

[Anonymous]

Don't have much to add other than...yes...my DH sucks sometimes too. And for the very same reasons. He's gotten better about the happy hours, but mostly b/c I just don't care what times he comes home. He is still expected to be a parent the very next morning (just like I am) and I don't cut him slack on that unless it is a special boys night out or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-How DID he get home last night?

My husband would have had to walk or take a taxi (and then sleep on the sofa).

He took a cab from the metro. I went to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, but I would first stop caring so much, then I would pretty much start having my happy hours and lastly I would just have him find his own way home. My husband did this when we were dating/living together and we had some huge fights, but thankfully he realized that this type of behavior was not conducive to our relationship. So, we got this out of the way before we got married and had kids. But I have a friend whose husband does the same thing and they fight all the time.
The irony of it all is that now my husband is the one who freaks out when I don't let him know when I'll be home or if I'm running late and I don't call him.

I don't care if he goes out. I don't care if he stays out late. I care when he expects a ride home but does not answer his phone or update me that he will be later than originally discussed. It is rude and inconsiderate, especially since I have been home with the monster toddler all day with no help. I want to rest, put the baby to bed and relax myself. I do not want to wonder if he is going to be calling in the next ten minutes needing a ride. I mean, I am certain I suck at times, but I answer my phone when he calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have much to add other than...yes...my DH sucks sometimes too. And for the very same reasons. He's gotten better about the happy hours, but mostly b/c I just don't care what times he comes home. He is still expected to be a parent the very next morning (just like I am) and I don't cut him slack on that unless it is a special boys night out or something.

Mine too. My big issue is that if my DH decides he wants to go out after work, he just goes. No worrying about who is going to take care of the kids because he knows I will be home. DH does have a lot events for work (receptions, fundraisers, etc), but sometimes he is just meeting friends. If I want to go out, it is major production to try to find a babysitter and often times I don't schedule things because I just don't feel like making the effort to find someone to stay with the kids. We both work, but I teach, so I obviously don't have a lot of evening events since I have to get up so early. And, my DH always does the time thing, too - telling me he will be home in 2 hours, but really that means 3. We have gotten in arguments about it as well as calm discussions and things have gotten better through the years, but I still don't think it will ever be equal with the amount he goes out vs. the amount I go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the person that has to go to the occasional happy hour to keep my connections and seem like a team player, I used to say I'd be home at 7ish knowing I would be home later just because I didn't want to hear the complaining. I was basically lying and it was disrespectful. Now I am honest about when I'm going to be home even though it is later than I would have previously said but make sure I get home when I said I would.

If I were you I'd tell your husband "Look I understand that you need to go to the occasional happy hour but please be honest with me about when you think you will be home. I will stop groaning, complaining and nagging just as long as you make it home when you say you are going to."

I have tried this approach. I would not even care if he was late as long as he was honest.

i think this is the best explanation of why a dh would lie about when he's coming home. i dont' think it's usually a deliberate ill-willed lie, but it really is just to finagle out of being guilted or nagged before even going out at all. but i don't know if it's really so true that most wives "would not even care if he was late as long as he was honest." i might be a little less bitter if he was honest but i'd still be more bitter at the start, knowing that he's staying out later than i think is considerate of me.

i'm not the op, but for me, it doesn't really help me feel better about him going out like that if i do the same to him. i'd rather he just stop. typically if i go out for hh, it's only for a few hours, two drinks or so, then head home. why is it so hard for our husbands to just make it last a couple hours?

[Anonymous]

To the PP whose husband didn't come home until 5 am; where do you think he was? Bars close way before then.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP whose husband came at home at 5am, he was in his cousin's house just drinking like crazy but he never called me and I worried all night long but he paid for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, your poor baby. I feel bad that s/he can't go to bed until your DH is ready to come home.

Why make such a rude comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, but I would first stop caring so much, then I would pretty much start having my happy hours and lastly I would just have him find his own way home. My husband did this when we were dating/living together and we had some huge fights, but thankfully he realized that this type of behavior was not conducive to our relationship. So, we got this out of the way before we got married and had kids. But I have a friend whose husband does the same thing and they fight all the time.
The irony of it all is that now my husband is the one who freaks out when I don't let him know when I'll be home or if I'm running late and I don't call him.

I don't care if he goes out. I don't care if he stays out late. I care when he expects a ride home but does not answer his phone or update me that he will be later than originally discussed. It is rude and inconsiderate, especially since I have been home with the monster toddler all day with no help. I want to rest, put the baby to bed and relax myself. I do not want to wonder if he is going to be calling in the next ten minutes needing a ride. I mean, I am certain I suck at times, but I answer my phone when he calls.

I hear you. You are right and he does suck. I feel for you..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, your poor baby. I feel bad that s/he can't go to bed until your DH is ready to come home.

Why make such a rude comment?

I think it was genuine, not rude.