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DH Sucks Sometimes
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Anonymous
| Of course he is still not home. I understand he needs time for himself, I do too. But WTF? He also has a baby and a home to come home to. Sometimes I want to scream at him at the top of my lungs but it wouldn't make a difference. Tomorrow he will have some crazy reason as to why this is my fault and why he is not to blame. |
Anonymous
| Oh, your poor baby. I feel bad that s/he can't go to bed until your DH is ready to come home. |
Anonymous
Nope, I put baby to bed. My child's sleep is more important than my husband getting a ride home from the metro. He can walk, take a bus, cab it. It's 10pm. I wasn't going to get the baby off schedule so drunko can get home five hours after he "insisted" he would be home. |
Anonymous
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I went through some of this with my husband when we were first married (pre-kids), and I began to encounter it again with the golf (post kids).
1) I totally agree with those who said put the baby to bed. If he's going to act irresponsibly, DO NOT bail him out. Tell him next time, as long as he keeps you informed about his (real) arrival time, you're happy to pick him up... as long as its before 8. 2) If "happy hour" is turning into "a night out" regularly, you need to address that with him. Its a different issue than the courtesy of keeping you informed. But, with a small baby, you need to sit him down and say "sorry bub. I let you go to happy hour because I KNOW how hard parenting is, and I KNOW you need a break... but I do to. And I'm not getting any. When YOU'RE gone all night, that means I get stuck doing all the work. Its not fair, and it has to stop." 3) Let him know that you're willing to meet him halfway, but there are certain realities of being parents to a young child.... If he wants to have a night out on the town with his buddies, fine... but make sure he understands that he only has 2 of those "tickets" for the next 6 months... so he can use them as he wishes, but then you're going to say "no" when he asks for a third. I'm happy to report, that while my DH was a bit clueless about these things. He is now much better informed  and we've worked it out. One thing that helped him figure it out was that I started taking "breaks" too. A) I deserved it, and B) it gave him a greater appreciation for how difficult it can be to be home alone with an infant. The other thing I've learned, is that when he tells me he's going to play golf and he'll be back in 3.5 hours. I look him in the eye and say "Sweetie, you know it will take 5.5, so lets just call it what it is. Have fun!" I think he's learned over time that underestimating the time it takes only makes me grumpy and resentful. I'm much happier (and therefore so is he!) when he's realistic.
Good luck. |
Anonymous
Amen, sister! In sales, we say "Underpromise and overdeliver." Keeps the customer happy! And you have to manage customer expectations by letting them know what to expect. It's far easier than cleanup after a blow up. It's sad to have to employ these tactics in marriage, but I guess it's a universal truth. People want to know what to expect of someone and they want that person to share information and stick to it. |
Anonymous
| Thank you for the great advice. I am going to try to have a discussion with him this evening and I am going to be happy and positive. I do not mind 10pm if that is what I am told, but saying 7pm and then coming in at 10pm not acceptable. He is a good guy. Just still a guy. Argh. |
Anonymous
| I think it is time for you to take up happy hour with the girls. Once a week. |
Anonymous
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My husband frequently goes to happy hours.
I don't mind, partly because he KNOWS that I will: a) not pick him up b.) go to sleep and not wait up for him I'd understand if you needed to know where he was because you were leaving to go somewhere, but if you don't worry and don't care when he'll be home, then it is a non-issue. |
Anonymous
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My husband does this time to time and it drives me crazy. I actually was invited for drinks with the partner of my firm but since hubby and I commute together we decided to leave at 5 to pick up DS at school. At five, i get a vm on my phone saying that he was having a drink with the guys and go ahead and pick up son without him That he'd take metro home. So I was with a partner and still his socializing was more important to him. He later showed up at 11 wondering why I was miffed.
But I like the PP idea of more HH for you. I do make sure I do 2 things a week just for me and go to exercise. Now need to fit in happy hour too. |
Anonymous
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What really ticks me off is when he's been drinking, comes in late and then gets romantic.....ughhh. And it takes forever too when I do give in so he'll shut up.
Is it just me? |
Anonymous
 
Ha ha ha. that's a WHOLE 'NUTHER ISSUE! After my husband tried this a few times, I told him flat out: "When I have been home all night, while you have been out drinking, DO NOT roll into bed at 11 and try to wake me up for sex. That is, if you value your ability to reproduce!" God love him. He's a prince, but every once in a while, I have to be specific! |
Anonymous
I have started to have some frank conversations with him when I am NOT angry, and he appreciates where I coming from more. I have also started to make more of my own plans, helps me to be less bitter!!! Less resentful! |
Anonymous
Nothing more annoying than whiskey dick |
Anonymous
I am sure you suck sometimes too - we all do  I don't like when my husband doesn't call me to update if he is going to be late, because I get worried. But if I was in your place, having to pick him up, I would just make a deal that, on days of happy hour, he can take a cab
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Anonymous
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OP-How DID he get home last night?
My husband would have had to walk or take a taxi (and then sleep on the sofa). |