Manners...ever feel like your are out of date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I am at the ATM, reading the prompts, and the last one is "I'm done!" We were taught that people are finished, roast is done.

Oh gosh, yes. People are finished, inanimate objects are done. I teach my DD this. It grates when I hear (or see) this one used incorrectly! I have also taught my husband to say it correctly.

[Anonymous]

We were out at a nice restaurant. In my line of sight was a couple in the 20ish range. The woman was texting, laughing, texting, waiting for responses etc for most of the meal. The guy was just sitting there. No interaction between them. The woman was clueless. If I was that guy, I would have left. Texting and checking email every few minutes is beyond rude. It is like saying to someone, hold on, let me check and see if there is something more interesting then you.

[Anonymous]

People think it's funny that I text in complete sentences, using normative spelling and punctuation. Evidently, it means I'm old.

I'm also surprised by the absence of "would" a lot of the time. "Want some wine?" vs "Would you like a glass of wine?" I mean, with my three year old "Mommy, I need milk" gets corrected, as it should. But, with adults? It's just something I've noticed.

My children have passively picked up casual "thank yous" because at home I say it each time they pass me something or follow through on a request. It's part of how I function, I don't think about it. I only noticed it stood out when adults comment on it, like when I pass my son something I just bought him at a shop or the glass of juice he requested and he instinctively says "thank you."

I think "shut up" is vulgar. I loathe gum-chewing.

When I'm on the phone with someone who is clearly "multitasking" and involved in something online, I just end the conversation. "Oh, it seems like you're busy with something else, I'll let you focus on that and chat with you later." No one has seemed offended, just a little surprised that it would be an issue or a little embarrassed at being called out for it.

Oh, well. Maybe I'm just an eccentric?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People think it's funny that I text in complete sentences, using normative spelling and punctuation. Evidently, it means I'm old.

I'm also surprised by the absence of "would" a lot of the time. "Want some wine?" vs "Would you like a glass of wine?" I mean, with my three year old "Mommy, I need milk" gets corrected, as it should. But, with adults? It's just something I've noticed.

My children have passively picked up casual "thank yous" because at home I say it each time they pass me something or follow through on a request. It's part of how I function, I don't think about it. I only noticed it stood out when adults comment on it, like when I pass my son something I just bought him at a shop or the glass of juice he requested and he instinctively says "thank you."

I think "shut up" is vulgar. I loathe gum-chewing.

When I'm on the phone with someone who is clearly "multitasking" and involved in something online, I just end the conversation. "Oh, it seems like you're busy with something else, I'll let you focus on that and chat with you later." No one has seemed offended, just a little surprised that it would be an issue or a little embarrassed at being called out for it.

Oh, well. Maybe I'm just an eccentric?

You're either eccentric, or you're me.

[Anonymous]

I HATE it when strangers don't start with "excuse me" when addressing me. Rudely, I have been known to give polite but wrong directions to these people.

No problem = de nada in Spanish, so it doesn't bother me.

[Anonymous]

If texting in complete sentences means you're old, I'll cop to it. Well, to be honest, I have been known to lapse into text-speak in deference to the character-limit. I cannot, however, bring myself to type "u" for "you". That's where I must draw a line.

OTOH, I do enjoy the way that the brevity of texting style is akin to the style used in telegrams. Tho' I'm not old enough to have ever sent or received a telegram, it does seem oh, so romantic. Think of the great old movie scenes in which the arrival of and reading aloud of a telegram is a pivotal moment. Just one example -- Jimmy Stewart reading the telegrams from friends and family in the last scene of "It's a Wonderful Lilfe".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree about "no problem" replacing "you're welcome."

Using cell phones to text while having a meal with me or someone else. Seems to be no big deal among most of my younger coworkers.

Sitting on couches with feet up on coffee tables, or curling legs under oneself while sitting. I do this in my home with my family, but would never dream of doing so in the company of others.

Using the word "suck" or "sucks" and not feeling it's crude or inappropriate. I was raised to consider this almost a swear word, but I don't think younger people tend to view it that way anymore.

For the record, I'm in my early 50s.

I agree with all of this and would only add that table manners don't seem to exist much anymore.

Like you, I am in my early 50's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I HATE it when strangers don't start with "excuse me" when addressing me. Rudely, I have been known to give polite but wrong directions to these people.

No problem = de nada in Spanish, so it doesn't bother me.

De nada is roughly translated as "of nothing," or, "it is nothing" - which is not at all the same as no problem. It is more like, "don't mention it."

[Anonymous]

I have a quandary when someone texts me using standard English and full sentences, and I want to reply in kid - text (to me anyway). R U There? ETA?
Is it rude?

[Anonymous]

I have a quandary when someone texts me using standard English and full sentences, and I want to reply in kid - text (to me anyway). R U There? ETA?
Is it rude?

Honestly? If you're not 13-19, I think this looks stupid. Like a 40-something woman wearing pigtails to the store. Or a Grandma in an ironic logo T-shirt from Urban Outfitters.

I mean, yes, you can do it and your recipient will know what you are saying. But there's a disconnect there.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel like your parents and grandparents now? Do you understand where they were coming from?

[Anonymous]

Texting and checking email every few minutes is beyond rude. It is like saying to someone, hold on, let me check and see if there is something more interesting then you.

This is the essence of the problem. THAT is why it's bad manners. Very, very few adults would ever say to someone out loud, "Hey -- hold that thought. I see Liz walking by and I am super curious to see what she's up to, and whether it's more interesting than you are. If it's not ... I'll be right back to you! Otherwise, I'm going to stand here with my back turned to you, ignoring you. Cool?"

they wouldn't say that because it's rude as hell. And now, the <30s are going to chime in and assure me they can do both at the same time and 'multitask' and give equal attention to 2 conversations at the same time. Except, that's now been studied and science proves this is wrong, no matter how badly they want to believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People think it's funny that I text in complete sentences, using normative spelling and punctuation. Evidently, it means I'm old.

I'm also surprised by the absence of "would" a lot of the time. "Want some wine?" vs "Would you like a glass of wine?" I mean, with my three year old "Mommy, I need milk" gets corrected, as it should. But, with adults? It's just something I've noticed.

My children have passively picked up casual "thank yous" because at home I say it each time they pass me something or follow through on a request. It's part of how I function, I don't think about it. I only noticed it stood out when adults comment on it, like when I pass my son something I just bought him at a shop or the glass of juice he requested and he instinctively says "thank you."

I think "shut up" is vulgar. I loathe gum-chewing.

When I'm on the phone with someone who is clearly "multitasking" and involved in something online, I just end the conversation. "Oh, it seems like you're busy with something else, I'll let you focus on that and chat with you later." No one has seemed offended, just a little surprised that it would be an issue or a little embarrassed at being called out for it.

Oh, well. Maybe I'm just an eccentric?

I'm with you. My children are not allowed to say "shut up." Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If texting in complete sentences means you're old, I'll cop to it. Well, to be honest, I have been known to lapse into text-speak in deference to the character-limit. I cannot, however, bring myself to type "u" for "you". That's where I must draw a line.

OTOH, I do enjoy the way that the brevity of texting style is akin to the style used in telegrams. Tho' I'm not old enough to have ever sent or received a telegram, it does seem oh, so romantic. Think of the great old movie scenes in which the arrival of and reading aloud of a telegram is a pivotal moment. Just one example -- Jimmy Stewart reading the telegrams from friends and family in the last scene of "It's a Wonderful Lilfe".

An friend who was in Europe during my wedding 18 years ago sent a telegram with congratulations. I loved getting it!

I'm sorry to ask this, but do telegrams even exist any more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Texting and checking email every few minutes is beyond rude. It is like saying to someone, hold on, let me check and see if there is something more interesting then you.

This is the essence of the problem. THAT is why it's bad manners. Very, very few adults would ever say to someone out loud, "Hey -- hold that thought. I see Liz walking by and I am super curious to see what she's up to, and whether it's more interesting than you are. If it's not ... I'll be right back to you! Otherwise, I'm going to stand here with my back turned to you, ignoring you. Cool?"

they wouldn't say that because it's rude as hell. And now, the <30s are going to chime in and assure me they can do both at the same time and 'multitask' and give equal attention to 2 conversations at the same time. Except, that's now been studied and science proves this is wrong, no matter how badly they want to believe it.

Even if multitasking in this way were possible (it's not), it would still be rude to do so, because the message would be the same (hold on, let me check and see if there is something more interesting then you.).