Christmas and Blended Families

[Anonymous]

Just wondering - is it possible she's requesting bedsheets and similar items because she can't afford lots of stuff? If so, I bet she's totally annoyed you can afford computers.

I'd get some things from "THE LIST" and get a $225 laptop as well. Who cares.

[Anonymous]

My mother and stepfather used to have similar issues with my step siblings when we were younger (mostly that they'd get expensive gifts and they would take them back to their mother's house and the gifts would get broken or we'd just never see them again). Eventually, they started giving "experiences" as gifts. Things like special classes or camps, tickets to concerts or sporting events, occasionally a special family vacation in lieu of any gifts at all. This way they could still give a big "wow" present, without having to worry about any ramifications from their mother.

[Anonymous]

Since his dad is fine with getting the laptop and he, as a parent, has the right to decide his kid should have a laptop, I would buy him the laptop and have him leave it at your house. The mom can decide that she doesn't want him to have a separate laptop at her house, but she doesn't get to dictate what he has at his dad's house.

[Anonymous]

No, no, no, no, no. Do you understand how complicated that makes things for the mother? He's at her house most of the time, so he'll want to take it to Mom's. If doesn't let him, pushback. More pushback: If Dad will get me a laptop, why won't you. This could disrupt their household for weeks or longer! It sounds like the laptop is for games, etc. For all we know he doesn't do his homework because he spends too much time playing computers. Really, if a parent's actions are going to impact another, then they need to respect the impact. It's not about "rights," rather, it's about what make sense for all parties. There are other gifts they can get this boy that will not impact the mother.

[Anonymous]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWU3me8BkqA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering - is it possible she's requesting bedsheets and similar items because she can't afford lots of stuff? If so, I bet she's totally annoyed you can afford computers.

I'd get some things from "THE LIST" and get a $225 laptop as well. Who cares.

I'm OP of this thread. No, this is not the case. She recently bought him the new Call of Duty game that just came out because he wanted it then instead of waiting until Christmas. She also bought him a new smartphone last weekend (because this was one thing DH and I did not think he needed at his age- so he convinced her to open a new line for him on HER phone plan and get him a Droid). He's also going to the NFL game she already got him tickets for. It's not that she doesn't have the money to spend on him. They live with her parents so she doesn't have utilities or rent or food to pay for. She spends quite a lot on him throughout the year. Regardless, we are not getting the laptop and I have decided DH can decide what to get him. I am slap out of ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering - is it possible she's requesting bedsheets and similar items because she can't afford lots of stuff? If so, I bet she's totally annoyed you can afford computers.

I'd get some things from "THE LIST" and get a $225 laptop as well. Who cares.

I'm OP of this thread. No, this is not the case. She recently bought him the new Call of Duty game that just came out because he wanted it then instead of waiting until Christmas. She also bought him a new smartphone last weekend (because this was one thing DH and I did not think he needed at his age- so he convinced her to open a new line for him on HER phone plan and get him a Droid). He's also going to the NFL game she already got him tickets for. It's not that she doesn't have the money to spend on him. They live with her parents so she doesn't have utilities or rent or food to pay for. She spends quite a lot on him throughout the year. Regardless, we are not getting the laptop and I have decided DH can decide what to get him. I am slap out of ideas.

Oh and by "he" in this sentence I mean my stepson. Not my DH. We were paying for his phone but were against him having a smartphone and wouldn't get him one on our plan. So she just decided to open up a new line on her plan and get him one herself.

[Anonymous]

OP,
How often is your stepson with you?

[Anonymous]

P.S. Here's a suggestion: LET GO of the idea of being able to shop for Christmas gifts your stepson free and clear. You're not. Your original post says, this sucks, I love giving the right gift. That is about YOU. I bet this boy doesn't care about all this. I bet he'd be stunned to learn of all the back and forth and squabbling about these things. You can't change the mom, so change yourself. I can't believe the stances, you are fine with a laptop but not with a smart phone. What? This is a teen, correct? LET GO! CHILL! The boy's fine, correct? That's what's important here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:P.S. Here's a suggestion: LET GO of the idea of being able to shop for Christmas gifts your stepson free and clear. You're not. Your original post says, this sucks, I love giving the right gift. That is about YOU. I bet this boy doesn't care about all this. I bet he'd be stunned to learn of all the back and forth and squabbling about these things. You can't change the mom, so change yourself. I can't believe the stances, you are fine with a laptop but not with a smart phone. What? This is a teen, correct? LET GO! CHILL! The boy's fine, correct? That's what's important here.

Uh, that's what I said I had done. I am no longer concerning myself with his gifts. Also, I haven't responded to this thread in nearly 3 weeks until today. It was never the garment-rending, teeth-gnashing episode PP's made it out to be, just a simple vent. The "LET IT GO, CHILL" suggests I've been updating this situation by the minute when I haven't even come by this thread in weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
How often is your stepson with you?

Not interested in answering this or any other questions. Every time I respond with info on the situation, I am attacked. It's old and I don't care to discuss it. DCUMS can continue attacking me if they want but I'm not engaging anymore.