WWYD, email the teacher or leave it alone?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I just cant help but feel like there are mixed signals here. My son is hearing he needs to pay attention from the teacher on at least two occasions and the final two assignments for "class participation" he received were 75/100.

Yet the teacher says to me his behavior is good. Anyone else find that conflicting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I just cant help but feel like there are mixed signals here. My son is hearing he needs to pay attention from the teacher on at least two occasions and the final two assignments for "class participation" he received were 75/100.

Yet the teacher says to me his behavior is good. Anyone else find that conflicting?

Maybe his behavior is good but he's just daydreaming or not following all of the directions. My son's teachers all love him and rave about how good he is, but they also tell me that he doesn't pay attention to the directions and doesn't always do all of the assignments because he's not attentive to the details, so he gets Cs when he would get better grades otherwise. Doesn't sound like a conflict to me. Sounds like you want an easy fix, but there isn't one.

[Anonymous]

No I dont want an easy fix. I just want to make sure there arent really behavior issues that need to be addressed and I also want to make sure he's not unfairly treating my kid based upon past behavior. Thanks for your response, that makes total sense and I hadn't thought of it that way. I could totally see my kid daydreaming and staring out the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I just cant help but feel like there are mixed signals here. My son is hearing he needs to pay attention from the teacher on at least two occasions and the final two assignments for "class participation" he received were 75/100.

Yet the teacher says to me his behavior is good. Anyone else find that conflicting?

Teachers response:
I entered some final grades for the grading period, and that brought *** grade down. His behavior has been good. Some of his classmates have some issues, and because of that the reward program of the Free Homework Pass was suspended. But I will make an exception for him this one time and issue the Free Homework Pass to him.

This is how I would respond.

Dear Teacher,
Thank you for clarifying. You don't need to make an exception for *** since no one received the reward. *** just misunderstood because he thought he didn't receive the reward his behavior but thought it was appropriate. I noticed that his final two assignments for class participation were 75. I'd like to work with *** on improving his behavior. Can you let me know what you are expecting from the students for a grade of 85 or better? What types of behavior would you like to see from *** that he is currently not doing that he can begin doing to receive a higher grade? Once you let me know, I'll start enforcing that behavior at home so you should hopefully see an improvement. thanks again for taking the time to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Today I asked my son how this specific class went. He told me that during an assignment he told the teacher he didn't understand one of the questions. He said the teacher responded "you would understand it if you had been paying attention."

I then asked my son if the teacher helped him to understand and he said no, he figured it out himself.

I asked him about his behavior in the class and if he was not payong attention. He was very adament that he was paying attention and did everything he was supposed to. I told him to be extra careful about his behavior in the class tomorrow and then at the end of the class to check in with the teacher. Since my son swears he has no idea why the teacher has said he does not pay attention I told him that when he checks in with the teacher after class to ask for specific examples if the teacher has anything negative to say about his performance or participation in the class.

Your son is being mocked. I hate it when people have an impression and are not open minded enough to try to see when a kid is trying his hardest. Document it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Today I asked my son how this specific class went. He told me that during an assignment he told the teacher he didn't understand one of the questions. He said the teacher responded "you would understand it if you had been paying attention."

I then asked my son if the teacher helped him to understand and he said no, he figured it out himself.

I asked him about his behavior in the class and if he was not payong attention. He was very adament that he was paying attention and did everything he was supposed to. I told him to be extra careful about his behavior in the class tomorrow and then at the end of the class to check in with the teacher. Since my son swears he has no idea why the teacher has said he does not pay attention I told him that when he checks in with the teacher after class to ask for specific examples if the teacher has anything negative to say about his performance or participation in the class.

Your son is being mocked. I hate it when people have an impression and are not open minded enough to try to see when a kid is trying his hardest. Document it.

Kind of agree with this - not mocked necessarily, but teacher seems annoyed with him. And think the teacher is giving the free pass now just to shut you both up. If DS isn't paying attention (as her earlier comments to him indicate), she should be up front with you. If he is, then she needs to cut the passive-aggressive crap. I would document, continue to monitor the situation and maybe bring in the team leader/VP to get more concrete help on what needs to improve if DS keeps getting the same feedback and grades don't improve.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. Just leave the teacher alone. It sounds like you and your son have nothing better to do then see the classroom from your own perspectives. Tell DS that next year, no talking and disrupting class because he has made a bad first impression with the teacher. DS has to learn a real life lesson.

It sounds like DS doesn't participate when he is supposed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't talk to the teacher. This is the perfect opportunity for your son to self-advocate. If he was truly denied something he was promised he should have another conversation with the teacher. Chances are he knows exactly what happened and his part in it.

Self-advocacy is fine for some kids. But not all cultures raise kids to talk back to and challenge adults. I remember as a kid at 12--it was very difficult to come back at a teacher about anything. Especially if the teacher was a bully. Why should we just expect kids to challenge a teacher on things like this? And when they get shut down repeatedly as I did, they'll just resent everything about school. Be a parent--advocate for your 12 year old, ffs. You have to ask this here? I bet there are bullying teachers on this thread, softening the opposition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't talk to the teacher. This is the perfect opportunity for your son to self-advocate. If he was truly denied something he was promised he should have another conversation with the teacher. Chances are he knows exactly what happened and his part in it.

Self-advocacy is fine for some kids. But not all cultures raise kids to talk back to and challenge adults. I remember as a kid at 12--it was very difficult to come back at a teacher about anything. Especially if the teacher was a bully. Why should we just expect kids to challenge a teacher on things like this? And when they get shut down repeatedly as I did, they'll just resent everything about school. Be a parent--advocate for your 12 year old, ffs. You have to ask this here? I bet there are bullying teachers on this thread, softening the opposition.

Self-advocacy isn't about talking back or challenging adults. It is about speaking up for yourself and advocating for yourself. it can be done very respectfully and politely. It isn't about being defiant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Just leave the teacher alone. It sounds like you and your son have nothing better to do then see the classroom from your own perspectives. Tell DS that next year, no talking and disrupting class because he has made a bad first impression with the teacher. DS has to learn a real life lesson.

It sounds like DS doesn't participate when he is supposed to.

Are you a teacher? Do you even have kids? self interested teacher trolling on this board pisses me off so much...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't talk to the teacher. This is the perfect opportunity for your son to self-advocate. If he was truly denied something he was promised he should have another conversation with the teacher. Chances are he knows exactly what happened and his part in it.

Self-advocacy is fine for some kids. But not all cultures raise kids to talk back to and challenge adults. I remember as a kid at 12--it was very difficult to come back at a teacher about anything. Especially if the teacher was a bully. Why should we just expect kids to challenge a teacher on things like this? And when they get shut down repeatedly as I did, they'll just resent everything about school. Be a parent--advocate for your 12 year old, ffs. You have to ask this here? I bet there are bullying teachers on this thread, softening the opposition.

Self-advocacy isn't about talking back or challenging adults. It is about speaking up for yourself and advocating for yourself. it can be done very respectfully and politely. It isn't about being defiant.

You don't get it. Well, go on expecting kids to always have the confidence to do this--because that's how things are in your rose colored view of what kids "should" feel empowered to do. That'll work.

[Anonymous]

I don't have much advice, but I would hope any email to the teacher was much shorter than your initial post. A paragraph of content, then a request for an appointment should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. Just leave the teacher alone. It sounds like you and your son have nothing better to do then see the classroom from your own perspectives. Tell DS that next year, no talking and disrupting class because he has made a bad first impression with the teacher. DS has to learn a real life lesson.

It sounds like DS doesn't participate when he is supposed to.

Are you a teacher? Do you even have kids? self interested teacher trolling on this board pisses me off so much...

You think that was the post of a troll? Sure, she could have been nicer, but this whole instance really doesn't rise to the occasion of more than one exchange with the teacher.

OP: I would never discuss behavior and grades in the same email. Your problem here is simply that the year started badly and you are afraid there are continuing problems related to that problematic start. You get the grades you get.

[Anonymous]

I think your son would win brownie points all around by going to the teacher and asking to be seated away from distractions- possibly in the front of the room if the teacher thinks that's ok. He could say, "it has been hard for me to pay attention sitting next to ***, so if I could sit in the front, I think that would help me stay focused so that I can do better this quarter."