WWYD, email the teacher or leave it alone?

[Anonymous]

A couple of years ago there was a teacher at School Without Walls who said nasty things to a student and refused to help when the student asked for help after class. That kid's mother took it to the principal who was well aware of that teacher's bad attitude. Another teacher had witnessed the exchange and his testimony led to the dismissal of the nasty teacher.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute...did I read correctly? You lose recess for sneezing? You people are ok with this? I would be pissed.

[Anonymous]

I'm usually in favor of a hands off approach, but i think you need to speak with the teacher. But approach her with an attitude that you are going to work with her to solve the problem. Try to get intel. Keep in open mind. if you are still concerned, perhaps you can ask someone in the school (not sure who it would be in your school) to observe the classroom.

Is it possible that your DS has ADHD? I ask because my DD does and her "H" is excessive talking. it may be that your DS really is having substantial attention issues and can't help it (and of course the teacher isn't handling it right). Again, an outside observer would help with this.

[Anonymous]

I'm usually in favor of a hands off approach, but i think you need to speak with the teacher. But approach her with an attitude that you are going to work with her to solve the problem. Try to get intel. Keep in open mind. if you are still concerned, perhaps you can ask someone in the school (not sure who it would be in your school) to observe the classroom.

Is it possible that your DS has ADHD? I ask because my DD does and her "H" is excessive talking. it may be that your DS really is having substantial attention issues and can't help it (and of course the teacher isn't handling it right). Again, an outside observer would help with this.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP that your son should approach the teacher to work it out BUT if it doesn't work, I do think you should tell him that you will follow up with the teacher and insist he get the homework pass because that was the agreement. And because that's the way the real world works.

In the real world, if you play a game and win and there was a prize promised, you get the prize. And if you don't there is a remedy available to you. Imagine what would happen if someone had a winning lottery ticket but instead of 7-11 cashing it in, they said "nah, I don't think you were paying attention so no prize for you!"

[Anonymous]

I would contact the teacher, let her know that you want to work with your son about attention issues and would like specific examples of what he is doing in class. You can say your understanding from her is that the talking has stopped, if that is not the case you want to know but if some other behavior is occurring you would like to know that as well. If she is accusing your son of behavior she needs to articulate what that is. Your son is doing a great job talking to her but I think it is time to step in and let her and your son know you have his back.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I sent this email to the teacher today:

Hello ***,

I heard from *** that there was some confusion over getting a homework pass that was a reward for winning a game played in class. **** mentioned the requirement was added for him to start paying attention in class. He also mentioned that when he didn't understand a question on classwork you told him he would if he was paying attention.

Since I thought his behavior improved, I wanted to check-in with you. We were also disappointed to see a C on as his final grade for the first semester. He was confident his grade would move to a B once the class participation grades were added, but he got 75/100 on both entries so that did not push his grade up. *** is an A / B student and our expectation is that he remains an A / B student.

Ive continued to have conversations with *** about participating in class and not being disruptive but it's difficult to address any specific issues when I don't know what they are. Can you provide specific examples of negative behaviors *** is having in class that you would like to see change? If you prefer to meet with me and my husband to discuss this we would be more than happy to come in to the school. We would like to work together with you to ensure *** success in your class.

[Anonymous]

Good email OP.

[Anonymous]

I disagree.

Your DS is in 7th grade. I would expect a 7th grader to be able to advocate for himself and be able to pay attention in class. I also think the disappointment you have with your child's grades and your expectation of what type of student he is is a conversation you should have with him.

You DS should be meeting with his teacher and taking specific notes on what he needs to do to earn better grades in his classes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. In my email I was not advocating for my son, he has actually been doing a great jof of that on his own. I suspect there may be a behavior issue and if there is my son is not being forthright with me. I contacted his teacher because if there are behavior expectations that he needs to work on my son is either lying to me about not understanding why his teacher has made these comments or he truly does not know.

Either way I want to know. As a 7th grader I expect that there will be times that I need to talk with the teacher. I do want the teacher to know what my expectations are and I do want him to know that we (the parents) are here to make a successful year for my son. I believe it should be a team effort.

I do agree, a 7th grader should be able to pay attention in class. Thus I want to know from the teacher what the problem is because my son is either not able to or is purposely not giving me the info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree.

Your DS is in 7th grade. I would expect a 7th grader to be able to advocate for himself and be able to pay attention in class. I also think the disappointment you have with your child's grades and your expectation of what type of student he is is a conversation you should have with him.

You DS should be meeting with his teacher and taking specific notes on what he needs to do to earn better grades in his classes.

I totally disagree with this. Your email was well-written and respectful. At 7th grade, a parent has the right to inquire about her son's behaviour in class. This doesn't mean the son can't be coached on how to self-advocate, but it is fully appropriate to follow up as the parent.

[Anonymous]

I hit reply too soon..
My son knows my expectations and he agrees with them. There have been many opportunities for my son to advocate for himself with this teacher and he has done a great job. He even was able to get a participation grade moved from a D to a B after checking in with the teacher each day after school to see if he was on track. The only involvement I had was to do role-playing with him before he approached his teacher about the grade.

This time though, for whatever reason he says he does not understand what he is doing wrong. He is getting frustrated and I think it's time for me to hear from the other teacher directly.

[Anonymous]

And just to clarify, this was not one of the class particpation grades that I mentioned in my email to the teacher. there have been several throughout the semester.

[Anonymous]

I am someone else who is pro student self-advocacy, and I am a teacher, and I think your email was very appropriate OP.

If there are behavioral issues, then it is unlikely you will get the full story from your son due to his self-preservation instincts! If the teacher maybe did just have a little frustration left over related to your son's disruptive behavior and held it against him in the homework pass situation, this may make him reflect a little on that too. Either way, the email was well written.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Hmmm, this is the response I received. Not really the response I expected but glad to hear my sons behavior is fine.

Also, it's interesting that my son told me that only himself and one other kid did not receive the homework pass, everyone else did, yet the teaher says he suspended the homework pass reward for the entire class. I'm tempted to respond and tell him I am fine with my son not receiving the pass. Truthfully, my son needs to do all the homework he can in this class!

Teachers response:
I entered some final grades for the grading period, and that brought *** grade down. His behavior has been good. Some of his classmates have some issues, and because of that the reward program of the Free Homework Pass was suspended. But I will make an exception for him this one time and issue the Free Homework Pass to him.