is it common to hate your house a year after moving in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an idea, but how would you arrange/stage your house if you were putting it on the market next week? Could you try doing that and see if you like it better? Boxes you haven't unpacked are really depressing. Hide them, get rid of the stuff (obviously you don't really need it), and make the place look superficially attractive. Sometimes that helps a lot.

+1. Several of the people who say they don't like their houses haven't unpacked yet. I guess it could be a chicken/egg problem, but I don't see how you can feel at home if you haven't really settled in yet. I can remember when I was young and in my first house, it all seemed so overwhelming. But the trick is to just start somewhere. Just start with one room - unpack it completely, decorate and make it your own.

I bought a house because I had to move out of two places that I really liked in a row (within a year of moving in) because the owner sold them. I was tired of moving and decided that I needed to buy. So there's that.

I LOVE my house. Driving home every day and pulling into the driveway makes me happy. However, there are days when I fantasize about the simplicity of living in a condo. I don't think I would really like it for very long, but everyone has those feelings now and then, I think. I do think absolutely hating your house is unusual. Analyze exactly what it is that you don't like -- is it home ownership in general, something specific that can't be fixed, like the location, or is it something that is fixable? If it's the first two, then maybe home ownership or this house isn't for you. There no shame (although there is expense and hassle) in selling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here, in the DC metro, yes very common.

+1 The owner of a 1960s fixer-upper who bought for relatively close-in location and schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here, in the DC metro, yes very common.

+1 The owner of a 1960s fixer-upper who bought for relatively close-in location and schools

Yup. I will never be able to get over how much money we spent on the house we got. Its not a dump, by any means, but seriously... In other parts of the country I would have a mansion with this mortgage. I will always have some niggling doubt and be jealous of the beautiful homes I see with so much more space and yard, for half the price.

[Anonymous]

Love my new house (smaller). Hated my old house entire time there. It could just be the vibe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother the realtor gave me a tip when I bought my first house. Before you move in or as soon as possible after you move in, take one room or project that you've always wanted to do, but couldn't do before, and do it. That may be painting walls (if you came from a rental where you couldn't paint) or tearing out something and replacing it. etc. Then, when you're having buyer's remorse, go into the room with the project and remind yourself why you wanted to own instead of rent--because you got to make the decisions for what you wanted.

In my first house, I tore out some built in light fixtures that drove me nuts and replaced them. When I was feeling down about the house, I could look at the lights and realized that I would never have been able to do that with a rental and I would have been stuck with old, ugly lights that I didn't like. We only had one small inconvenient door out to the back yard (from the kitchen). 18 months after we moved in, I took out the double window in the family room and added atrium doors from the family room out onto the deck. Whenever I needed to be reminded why home ownership is good, I could open the new door to the deck and appreciate it and let those changes that I made to the house lift my spirit a little.

In my new house, we closed about 3 weeks before we moved. We took the time to paint a few rooms and I bought and added built in furniture in one room for our office. Now, I can walk into the office and look at the built-ins and realize that I would never have been able to put those into a rental.

I love that advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother the realtor gave me a tip when I bought my first house. Before you move in or as soon as possible after you move in, take one room or project that you've always wanted to do, but couldn't do before, and do it. That may be painting walls (if you came from a rental where you couldn't paint) or tearing out something and replacing it. etc. Then, when you're having buyer's remorse, go into the room with the project and remind yourself why you wanted to own instead of rent--because you got to make the decisions for what you wanted.

In my first house, I tore out some built in light fixtures that drove me nuts and replaced them. When I was feeling down about the house, I could look at the lights and realized that I would never have been able to do that with a rental and I would have been stuck with old, ugly lights that I didn't like. We only had one small inconvenient door out to the back yard (from the kitchen). 18 months after we moved in, I took out the double window in the family room and added atrium doors from the family room out onto the deck. Whenever I needed to be reminded why home ownership is good, I could open the new door to the deck and appreciate it and let those changes that I made to the house lift my spirit a little.

In my new house, we closed about 3 weeks before we moved. We took the time to paint a few rooms and I bought and added built in furniture in one room for our office. Now, I can walk into the office and look at the built-ins and realize that I would never have been able to put those into a rental.

I love that advice

It's funny. I made that comment 5.5 years ago. When I started to read it again, I thought, this sounds like me. By the time I got to the end of the first paragraph, I realized it was me. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Last year, we sold my totally-redone house (bought it while single, fixed EVERYTHING over 10 years, so it was a new house in a gorgeous old Craftsman shell) in a quaint, quiet town we loved, and moved to a giant 5-bedroom house with a lot of land in the middle of nowhere. I resisted it because I've already totally redone 4 houses in my life, and just didn't want to spend the rest of my life redoing ANOTHER wreck (I'm in my late 40's she's in her early 50's). I ultimately caved because it seemed that this house would make her happy - she always wanted a pool, and this place had one.

18 months later, we've had 3 floods, septic issues, electrical issues, water pouring through the roof and foundation simultaneously, fireplace issues, an exploding heat/cooling system, and collapsing retaining walls causing a literal cascade of water-related issues. EVERYTHING needs replacement. One small repair always leads to a larger repair and then - aha - something that requires contractors, permits, and money we don't have. We've spent ALL of our savings just keeping this money pit from collapsing, and there are still tens of thousands of dollars of repairs waiting in the wings. This house has become a full-time job that I have to PAY to do, and I dread coming home to a money pit that dominates our lives. The amount of money we've spent has forced me to postpone my retirement indefinitely - we were set until this horrible decision. Beyond that, I hate our new location and drive 20 minutes to our old town to everything anyway, because our only neighbors are trees and deer.

At this point I'd welcome a giant disaster so we could leave. Or, at least I would. If she wants to stay, she can have it. Lesson? Stick to logic and reason guys, and don't cave to make someone happy - it ultimately just makes both of you miserable. Also, don't use a realtor that's one of your wife's pals, or her home inspector who's real purpose was to facilitate a sale and NOT actually look at the house.

We traded a new house with great neighbors within 3 blocks of a great town, for a house in the middle of nowhere straight out of a Tom Hanks movie - but without the laughs. At least out here, no one can hear me scream.

I've got a house for sale, if anyone is interested. It's a bargain!

[Anonymous]

OP, this happened to me. Bought a smaller home in Bethesda that was split level. Grew up in the South so was used to either ranch style houses or suburban houses on slabs, not all the meandering half stairs and small windows of a split. It drove me NUTS, the stairs and lack of light. Irony is, it was a nice house though not that updated. Eventually I started looking and found a house on nearby, with bigger windows and a layout I preferred. It was about 100k more expensive, but we stretched. Yes, some of the finances have been tough (no vacations for 2 years - but we had babies so i guess that's not really a vacation anyways- ha), but the last house actually makes me appreciate this house MORE.

Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother the realtor gave me a tip when I bought my first house. Before you move in or as soon as possible after you move in, take one room or project that you've always wanted to do, but couldn't do before, and do it. That may be painting walls (if you came from a rental where you couldn't paint) or tearing out something and replacing it. etc. Then, when you're having buyer's remorse, go into the room with the project and remind yourself why you wanted to own instead of rent--because you got to make the decisions for what you wanted.

In my first house, I tore out some built in light fixtures that drove me nuts and replaced them. When I was feeling down about the house, I could look at the lights and realized that I would never have been able to do that with a rental and I would have been stuck with old, ugly lights that I didn't like. We only had one small inconvenient door out to the back yard (from the kitchen). 18 months after we moved in, I took out the double window in the family room and added atrium doors from the family room out onto the deck. Whenever I needed to be reminded why home ownership is good, I could open the new door to the deck and appreciate it and let those changes that I made to the house lift my spirit a little.

In my new house, we closed about 3 weeks before we moved. We took the time to paint a few rooms and I bought and added built in furniture in one room for our office. Now, I can walk into the office and look at the built-ins and realize that I would never have been able to put those into a rental.

Meh.. in the rental you can do about anything like that minus knocking down the walls. You can paint all you want and you can put fixutres all you like, then before moving out you just have to bring it all as it were and you are good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, we sold my totally-redone house (bought it while single, fixed EVERYTHING over 10 years, so it was a new house in a gorgeous old Craftsman shell) in a quaint, quiet town we loved, and moved to a giant 5-bedroom house with a lot of land in the middle of nowhere. I resisted it because I've already totally redone 4 houses in my life, and just didn't want to spend the rest of my life redoing ANOTHER wreck (I'm in my late 40's she's in her early 50's). I ultimately caved because it seemed that this house would make her happy - she always wanted a pool, and this place had one.

18 months later, we've had 3 floods, septic issues, electrical issues, water pouring through the roof and foundation simultaneously, fireplace issues, an exploding heat/cooling system, and collapsing retaining walls causing a literal cascade of water-related issues. EVERYTHING needs replacement. One small repair always leads to a larger repair and then - aha - something that requires contractors, permits, and money we don't have. We've spent ALL of our savings just keeping this money pit from collapsing, and there are still tens of thousands of dollars of repairs waiting in the wings. This house has become a full-time job that I have to PAY to do, and I dread coming home to a money pit that dominates our lives. The amount of money we've spent has forced me to postpone my retirement indefinitely - we were set until this horrible decision. Beyond that, I hate our new location and drive 20 minutes to our old town to everything anyway, because our only neighbors are trees and deer.

At this point I'd welcome a giant disaster so we could leave. Or, at least I would. If she wants to stay, she can have it. Lesson? Stick to logic and reason guys, and don't cave to make someone happy - it ultimately just makes both of you miserable. Also, don't use a realtor that's one of your wife's pals, or her home inspector who's real purpose was to facilitate a sale and NOT actually look at the house.

We traded a new house with great neighbors within 3 blocks of a great town, for a house in the middle of nowhere straight out of a Tom Hanks movie - but without the laughs. At least out here, no one can hear me scream.

I've got a house for sale, if anyone is interested. It's a bargain!

This hurts to read. Does your wife love it, at least? If not, could you cut your losses and move back to town? Wishing the best for you.

[Anonymous]

We have owned six houses over a lifetime of moves.

The first two, starter homes we were indifferent about, neither loved nor hated them, but they were happy homes.

The third house I disliked initially because we paid too much for it, but I grew to love because some of our happiest years as a family were spent there.

The fourth house we loved initially, but grew to dislike greatly as it entailed too much expensive maintenance, repairs and upkeep, and was not as charming as we first thought. It had a problem with not getting enough natural light, for some reason, and our family was very unhappy during our time there. Negative karma.

The fifth and sixth houses, both of which we currently still own, are beautifully full of natural night, and oh such happy places.

My advice, life is short, moves are relatively easy and worth the stress to pursue your happiness. If you really hate your current house, then move to one you will love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just moved into a new house. But I'm wishing I bought a different one.Is there anything i can do?

There are many tips preceding your post. Read them for good advice.

[Anonymous]

this was/is a 7 year old thread someone revived - for those replying to PP's

[Anonymous]

There are some things I love about my house, and some things I hate. The things I love are: the location, the projects we have finished, the light in some of the rooms, the way we have made it our own, the old house character. The things I hate: I wish it were one room bigger, the kitchen is outdated and closed off (not great for entertaining), it's old so there are always things that need fixing - I'm tired of projects.

If I could do it again, I would still buy this house, live in it for a little bit and not do anything while we saved up for a BIG renovation. I would have waited to just renovate it all at once in hindsight. We've already made too many changes/spent too much money on fixing things piecemeal. That said, I do love what we've done.

[Anonymous]

I bought my first home a year and a half ago and am absolutely in love with it. I literally smile and have a wave of pride and happiness rush over me every single time I pull up to the house and see it in all its glory. I’m so in love with the house that I make career decisions and pinch here and there to pay off as much as I can as quickly as I can so I never have to be forced to sell if the unknown happens, eg, me or dh get fired or need to take a pay cut. I don’t know that it will be my forever home, but my kids are toddlers and I have every intent to raise them in the house at least through high school.

My house certainly isn’t the biggest, bestest or nicest and it definitely has its money pit issues (it was built in 1940) and weaknesses (kitchen is small and in desperate need of a huge Reno). But I love it. It’s part of my family. I was terrified of getting buyer’s remorse when I bought and nearly skipped out on the home THREE times out of fear of that. I actually ended up backing out post offer and acceptance but within the inspection period and said I wouldn’t take it based on the inspection. There was nothing wrong or surprising but I was nitpicking everything for fear of such a big commitment and buyers remorse. My realtor talked me into throwing a lowball counteroffer to stay in the game instead of just backing out. He’s a friend and deep down knew I just had cold feet. So I countered $30k less plus all buyer fees. They ended up biting because unbeknownst to me, they had a family emergency that made the sale time sensitive. So alas, I was stuck again and had to go through with the purchase. So so happy I did. It may sound silly but I think this is my “soul house”- the universe literally came together in over a dozen different and unexpected ways to result in me buying it. I wasn’t even looking to buy. I happened to drive by it one day and was completely drawn to it so made a random decision to go see it. I loved it and really wanted it but convinced myself the timing wasn’t right to buy. I wasn’t even looking! Then I randomly ran into my realtor friend whom I hadn’t seen in five years at a random bar and mentioned in passing that I “saw this house.” He tried to talk me into going with him to see it again but I said no because the timing wasn’t right to buy. The next day, he took it upon himself to look up the house for me and saw that the price dropped that day so he tried convincing me again. This time I agreed. Saw it again, fell more in love. Still was hesitant then got a call that same day about an exclusive offer for a way below market interest rate with no PMI for under 20% only for people at my company. And similar things kept happening from then until closing that perfectly put the pieces together to make it happen.

In sum, my feeling is that if you bought your home more as a “best of the ones I saw and we can make this work” thing, it’s probably much more likely that you’ll have remorse. But based on my admittedly limited experience, I think it’s far more likely that you won’t have any remorse if you bought a home you were intensely passionate about and thoroughly considered every plus and negative prior to purchasing and were still thoroughly passionate about.