What about people who stay way too long for a playdate?

[Anonymous]

I really enjoyed this thread. There was a particular gabby mom in our group of moms with six or seven year old boys. I had a nanny but worked from home. I would invite the other boys over and nanny would supervise the boys as would I from my home office. New mom shows up and just stands there expecting to be entertained . . . by me. Boys are off having fun. Nanny in charge. She wants to hang out. I have work to do. Serious gabber. I went with the flow but the next time another mom in the group said she was having "mom x and boy y" over, I said "be aware, she will want to make it a mommy date." And she did. Mom just couldn't get rid of this hovering mom. Boys off happily playing well supeevised by nanny. Very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are those people sticking around American or from other countries?

I have American firneds who did this. First ones to arrive at the party and last to leave. Could not take a hint.

Why are you hinting instead of just being direct?

Serious question.

This is the problem. You may believe you are giving a hint, but others may not interpret it that way. People aren't mind readers.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Except it's usually lazy SAHMs dropping off their kids. Now after 2hrs I put everyone in the car and call the mom to say I'm driving them home so to please meet me at their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really enjoyed this thread. There was a particular gabby mom in our group of moms with six or seven year old boys. I had a nanny but worked from home. I would invite the other boys over and nanny would supervise the boys as would I from my home office. New mom shows up and just stands there expecting to be entertained . . . by me. Boys are off having fun. Nanny in charge. She wants to hang out. I have work to do. Serious gabber. I went with the flow but the next time another mom in the group said she was having "mom x and boy y" over, I said "be aware, she will want to make it a mommy date." And she did. Mom just couldn't get rid of this hovering mom. Boys off happily playing well supeevised by nanny. Very weird.

If she left you'd be here screaming she was looking for free babysitting.

One can never win on DCUM

[Anonymous]

Oh maybe she's lonely and was excited to click with you.

[Anonymous]

I get annoyed but I also sympathize with the moms who stay too long, I just figure they are desperate for adult company! Especially the SAHMs! Another pet peeve of mine is how many SAHMs never let you get a word in edgewise!

But I have had a friend (not from another culture, total wasp), who came for a 9am visit, and left at 4! At the time I was pregnant with my first, didn't have appropriate toys for her 2 and 4 year old, hadn't expected to feed them all day (I had muffins but thought she would leave by lunch). It was a disaster. House totally destroyed. I was third tri and completely wiped by 2. And we had utterly run out of conversation- it was uncomfortable! Turns out her husband was working from home that day and asked her to get them out of the house! Wish she had told me that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get annoyed but I also sympathize with the moms who stay too long, I just figure they are desperate for adult company! Especially the SAHMs! Another pet peeve of mine is how many SAHMs never let you get a word in edgewise!

But I have had a friend (not from another culture, total wasp), who came for a 9am visit, and left at 4! At the time I was pregnant with my first, didn't have appropriate toys for her 2 and 4 year old, hadn't expected to feed them all day (I had muffins but thought she would leave by lunch). It was a disaster. House totally destroyed. I was third tri and completely wiped by 2. And we had utterly run out of conversation- it was uncomfortable! Turns out her husband was working from home that day and asked her to get them out of the house! Wish she had told me that!

Again--- people aren't mind readers. If you want someone to leave, you must tell them to leave. You can do it in a nice way. It sounds to me like these people who don't leave are trying to be friendly. Why all the negativity?

Also, I can't stand the talk about lazy SAHMs. This sounds like nanny culture to say that SAHMs are lazy. I remember there was a mom who stayed at home and would rest throughout the day. Her nanny would go around telling EVERYONE, including other SAHMs, that her boss was lazy and just liked to lie around all day doing nothing. It turns out that this mom had a very serious illness. It's very destructive and mean to go around saying that SAHMs are lazy. You never know what is going on with someone. And nannys, you don't know what happens in that house before you arrive and after you leave. You sound jealous, resentful and bitter when you call SAHMs lazy. It makes you look bad to direct that meanness toward SAHMs. You really need to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

I had a dad bring his DS (my DS's friend) over with his younger child (a child we did not invite, but ok she was a toddler). He stayed over 6 hours. He expected us to feed all of them lunch AND dinner. Several times we hinted that they needed to go. My DH and I left the room to discuss b/c I was all about telling him he had to pack up and leave NOW (that was at the 4 hour mark). I actually left to go grocery shopping. My DH is to nice a guy. They were still there when I returned. Needless to say we have never done a playdate with them again. They call to ask and I make an excuse each time (they always want to come to our house).

[Anonymous]

Sorry this happened but you need to stop being a doormat. Tell her straight: "Oh look what time it is, I need to clean the house/go to grocery store/anything, so we have to say our goodbyes"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree, PP. etiquette is universal. You do not stay more than an hour to an hour and a half for a play date. M

BS. A person who says this has never stepped outside their neighborhood.

In my country burping in public is considered gross and embarrassing. Here you can get away with it saying excuse me.

In my country it's common to greet people kissing them on the cheeks even when you introduce yourself. Here? Not really.

Anyway, this is one of the things I miss from my country. The freedom to come to a friend's house unannounced and stick around all day if we don't have plans. We always have some extras in the pantry or fridge in case someone stops by to spend the day. I remember growing up our home was always full of laughter, people coming and going. We always had someone to play with. We could go to our friend's house without calling or setting up anything formal. Our moms would come home from work and sit outside and talk while we played on the driveway. There was never a settled routine and still we always managed to do homework, eat a fresh warm meal and have quality time together.

Here you guys want to control every single second of your day in such a crazy manner, you're always in a rush and complaining on how you don't have time for this, for that or wishing you could do things differently. No doubt why every other woman I know is in some sort of anxiety medication, anti-depressives or whatever meds to help them cope with life.

So then why exactly do you live here if this crazy place is too much for you? What if a mom wants you to get out of her house because she wants to put her baby down for a nap, or cook dinner, or run to the store, or return her mothers phone call, or make doctors appointments or whatever? In your country do they not run errands or do babies not nap or does no one need to make gyne or other doctor appointments?
Or does your child's mother's boredom with her own life take greater priority for you?

Cultural norms differ, I understand. I am from another country. But if its common to piss on a wall in x country that doesn't mean that doesn't qualify as etiquette. If your host wants you to stay longer she would ask you!

[Anonymous]

Correction- play dates mother not child's mother!

[Anonymous]

Wow are you out of your meds? Please don't skip them.

If you read carefully (and medicated) you'll see that I never said America is bad. I was just making a personal observation. I know cultures are different and I said that myself in my post.

I only said I miss the way we deal with it at home. When people talk about errands I feel like laughing. How many times one has dry cleaning to pick up or drop off? Who goes to the bank nowadays? Everything is automatic and done online.

People here hate people in general and DCUM is a clear proof of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree, PP. etiquette is universal. You do not stay more than an hour to an hour and a half for a play date. M

BS. A person who says this has never stepped outside their neighborhood.

In my country burping in public is considered gross and embarrassing. Here you can get away with it saying excuse me.

In my country it's common to greet people kissing them on the cheeks even when you introduce yourself. Here? Not really.

Anyway, this is one of the things I miss from my country. The freedom to come to a friend's house unannounced and stick around all day if we don't have plans. We always have some extras in the pantry or fridge in case someone stops by to spend the day. I remember growing up our home was always full of laughter, people coming and going. We always had someone to play with. We could go to our friend's house without calling or setting up anything formal. Our moms would come home from work and sit outside and talk while we played on the driveway. There was never a settled routine and still we always managed to do homework, eat a fresh warm meal and have quality time together.

Here you guys want to control every single second of your day in such a crazy manner, you're always in a rush and complaining on how you don't have time for this, for that or wishing you could do things differently. No doubt why every other woman I know is in some sort of anxiety medication, anti-depressives or whatever meds to help them cope with life.

So then why exactly do you live here if this crazy place is too much for you? What if a mom wants you to get out of her house because she wants to put her baby down for a nap, or cook dinner, or run to the store, or return her mothers phone call, or make doctors appointments or whatever? In your country do they not run errands or do babies not nap or does no one need to make gyne or other doctor appointments?
Or does your child's mother's boredom with her own life take greater priority for you?

Cultural norms differ, I understand. I am from another country. But if its common to piss on a wall in x country that doesn't mean that doesn't qualify as etiquette. If your host wants you to stay longer she would ask you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a dad bring his DS (my DS's friend) over with his younger child (a child we did not invite, but ok she was a toddler). He stayed over 6 hours. He expected us to feed all of them lunch AND dinner. Several times we hinted that they needed to go. My DH and I left the room to discuss b/c I was all about telling him he had to pack up and leave NOW (that was at the 4 hour mark). I actually left to go grocery shopping. My DH is to nice a guy. They were still there when I returned. Needless to say we have never done a playdate with them again. They call to ask and I make an excuse each time (they always want to come to our house).

Why did you hint? Why didn't you just tell him you have other things to do? Stop being so passive aggressive and communicate. Without communication, you will be both unhappy and a very bad host. Don't blame them for not reading your mind!

[Anonymous]

Next time, stand up after lunch, and say, "Well, it's time for little Jimmy's nap now and I have to get some things done around the house. It's been great to have you over! So glad you could come. We'll have to do this again soon."

[Anonymous]

I think I overstayed the other weekend. First, I had no idea what time it was (I had no watch...they had no clocks). Second, I actually didn't know where to pick a time to make my exit! I'm equally clueless there.