Having kids makes you mean and nasty...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in DC and lurk on these boards, you are likely a well-meaning parent who understands that to raise a successful child in the hyper-competitive overachieiving DC area, you better sharpen those elbows, exercise those vocal chords, and work on those hip checks. It's an awful, awful state of affairs. But I, for one, am not ready to move to Idaho or Alaska or thereabouts. We're not really mean and nasty. We are just trying to be the best momma bears for our baby bears.

I live in DC and visit these boards, and I do not understand why I would need to do those things. What exactly do our kids have to "compete" for?

I see those other babies giving my baby the stink eye when they see our cheap stroller, and her inexpensive outfits without matching shoes. We're moving to Alaska to get away from all these superficial DC babies.

(kidding, of course)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must say the meanest thing I've seen here so far was said to a single Mom who was looking for a little support at the end of a long week....basically she was told to suck it up and its her own fault for bearing children! Yikes! Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to get a rise....not so much they hate single Moms for example, but they are just frustrated or bored in their own lives. Still....at the end of the day, that's mean.

I think I know the post to which you are referring. And to be fair - it was NOT a single Mom. It was a Mom whose husband was going to be away for a week and she felt that friends and family should be jumping in to help her during that time because she goes to their birthday parties and baptisms.

I don't think it's mean or nasty to provide a reality check when someone is clearly in need of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in DC and lurk on these boards, you are likely a well-meaning parent who understands that to raise a successful child in the hyper-competitive overachieiving DC area, you better sharpen those elbows, exercise those vocal chords, and work on those hip checks. It's an awful, awful state of affairs. But I, for one, am not ready to move to Idaho or Alaska or thereabouts. We're not really mean and nasty. We are just trying to be the best momma bears for our baby bears.

I live in DC and visit these boards, and I do not understand why I would need to do those things. What exactly do our kids have to "compete" for? Are kids supposed to be competing, or are their parents? Is there a plausible relationship between the things people get so energized about on here and getting accepted to Cornell? Take the full-time=caregiver vs. working parent conversation that we all know and cherish. Is it really necessary to become a zealous advocate for one choice in order to help a child on her way to the college boards and the boardroom? And are any of the things some people find worth competing for actually relevant to a child's happiness?

I hope that this didn't sound nasty in itself. But I can't figure out what on Earth this nastiness accomplishes in fosterig successful children (never mind that definitions of success can vary wildly).

It's simple. They are competing for success and happiness. The former breeds the latter. The time tested way to achieve the former is to do well in school and get in the best damn college you can. To do that, you need more than just IQ. You need extra-curriculars up the wazoo, which includes the best music teachers, travel sport teams, and yes, maybe even Capital Cotillion. You need a combination of polish and connections, and hence the obsession with private schools. DCs are a product. You claw, push, and climb to help churn out the best possible product you can. It's borne out of true love -- and we all become hardened and nasty in the process -- in this upside down world we live in. So, in a word, I'm competing to make sure my DC bests your DC every step of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in DC and lurk on these boards, you are likely a well-meaning parent who understands that to raise a successful child in the hyper-competitive overachieiving DC area, you better sharpen those elbows, exercise those vocal chords, and work on those hip checks. It's an awful, awful state of affairs. But I, for one, am not ready to move to Idaho or Alaska or thereabouts. We're not really mean and nasty. We are just trying to be the best momma bears for our baby bears.

I live in DC and visit these boards, and I do not understand why I would need to do those things. What exactly do our kids have to "compete" for? Are kids supposed to be competing, or are their parents? Is there a plausible relationship between the things people get so energized about on here and getting accepted to Cornell? Take the full-time=caregiver vs. working parent conversation that we all know and cherish. Is it really necessary to become a zealous advocate for one choice in order to help a child on her way to the college boards and the boardroom? And are any of the things some people find worth competing for actually relevant to a child's happiness?

I hope that this didn't sound nasty in itself. But I can't figure out what on Earth this nastiness accomplishes in fosterig successful children (never mind that definitions of success can vary wildly).

It's simple. They are competing for success and happiness. The former breeds the latter. The time tested way to achieve the former is to do well in school and get in the best damn college you can. To do that, you need more than just IQ. You need extra-curriculars up the wazoo, which includes the best music teachers, travel sport teams, and yes, maybe even Capital Cotillion. You need a combination of polish and connections, and hence the obsession with private schools. DCs are a product. You claw, push, and climb to help churn out the best possible product you can. It's borne out of true love -- and we all become hardened and nasty in the process -- in this upside down world we live in. So, in a word, I'm competing to make sure my DC bests your DC every step of the way.

Please be kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You need a combination of polish and connections, and hence the obsession with private schools. DCs are a product. You claw, push, and climb to help churn out the best possible product you can. It's borne out of true love -- and we all become hardened and nasty in the process -- in this upside down world we live in. So, in a word, I'm competing to make sure my DC bests your DC every step of the way.

Um, you might want to work on the "polish." I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

It's simple. They are competing for success and happiness. The former breeds the latter. The time tested way to achieve the former is to do well in school and get in the best damn college you can. To do that, you need more than just IQ. You need extra-curriculars up the wazoo, which includes the best music teachers, travel sport teams, and yes, maybe even Capital Cotillion. You need a combination of polish and connections, and hence the obsession with private schools. DCs are a product. You claw, push, and climb to help churn out the best possible product you can. It's borne out of true love -- and we all become hardened and nasty in the process -- in this upside down world we live in. So, in a word, I'm competing to make sure my DC bests your DC every step of the way.

I guess it all depends on your definition of "success". Thr childhood you're describing sounds stressful and scary. I'd rather my kid have some fun, unstructured playtime instead of tightly controlled chaos.

[Anonymous]

That HAS to be a joke. Has to be.

[Anonymous]

I also think its because people on this site are from all over the city and suburbs and come from a vast range of family backgrounds, socio-economies, education levels, and cultural practices but we are all talking about issues or institutions that affect us all. Things that most of the moms I know socially agree with me on are things I have gotten flamed for stating on this site because many posters are coming at it from a completely different perspective. I have quickly realized that moms I know rarely post or even read this site and that is why some of the posts appall or shock me, the people involved are just coming from a very different place. I still read but I rarely post anymore because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I do not want to "waste" my feelings of anger or upset on a stranger (life is hard enough ). Although, admittedly, sometimes I can not help myself and have to post because... I just have to!!

[Anonymous]

I agree it has to be a joke. Otherwise...WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in DC and lurk on these boards, you are likely a well-meaning parent who understands that to raise a successful child in the hyper-competitive overachieiving DC area, you better sharpen those elbows, exercise those vocal chords, and work on those hip checks. It's an awful, awful state of affairs. But I, for one, am not ready to move to Idaho or Alaska or thereabouts. We're not really mean and nasty. We are just trying to be the best momma bears for our baby bears.

I live in DC and visit these boards, and I do not understand why I would need to do those things. What exactly do our kids have to "compete" for? Are kids supposed to be competing, or are their parents? Is there a plausible relationship between the things people get so energized about on here and getting accepted to Cornell? Take the full-time=caregiver vs. working parent conversation that we all know and cherish. Is it really necessary to become a zealous advocate for one choice in order to help a child on her way to the college boards and the boardroom? And are any of the things some people find worth competing for actually relevant to a child's happiness?

I hope that this didn't sound nasty in itself. But I can't figure out what on Earth this nastiness accomplishes in fosterig successful children (never mind that definitions of success can vary wildly).

It's simple. They are competing for success and happiness. The former breeds the latter. The time tested way to achieve the former is to do well in school and get in the best damn college you can. To do that, you need more than just IQ. You need extra-curriculars up the wazoo, which includes the best music teachers, travel sport teams, and yes, maybe even Capital Cotillion. You need a combination of polish and connections, and hence the obsession with private schools. DCs are a product. You claw, push, and climb to help churn out the best possible product you can. It's borne out of true love -- and we all become hardened and nasty in the process -- in this upside down world we live in. So, in a word, I'm competing to make sure my DC bests your DC every step of the way.

WOW, you have a twisted idea what success means. I feel very sorry for your kids and I sincerely mean that. Sometimes I might be flip and just say something like that, but this time I truly mean it. You sound like you are raising a circus monkey, not a human being.

My husband with his George Mason Business degree, barely graduated with his poor grades. However, he sure does know how to make friends and make people feel good about themselves. This has taken him very far. He has a magnetic personality that makes people want to be around him. This is because he treats everyone the same and never ever forgets a name. He also makes a concentrated effort to learn something about everyone he meets whether it is their hobbies, what sports their kids play, or a special event coming up in their lives and always remembers to ask them about it when he sees them. People like that and it makes them feel good. I hope I can teach my son how to make people feel good. I believe that if you can make people feel good around you, it makes you feel good about yourself. No school or music class will teach you that business acumen, killer personality, and kind disposition can take you to whatever level you define as success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must say the meanest thing I've seen here so far was said to a single Mom who was looking for a little support at the end of a long week....basically she was told to suck it up and its her own fault for bearing children! Yikes! Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to get a rise....not so much they hate single Moms for example, but they are just frustrated or bored in their own lives. Still....at the end of the day, that's mean.

this is not the kind of comment that bothers me on this site. (I didn't post a reponse to that one but agreed with those who thought that accpeting birthday party invitations hardly merits reciprocation with helping out when a spouse travels.) I think if people post on a public forum, they should expect to find out how others see them or their views, like them or not. So I think some of the 'nasty' posts that are on topic -- such as the ones about the mom alone for a week with no offers of help, mentioned above-- are appropriate, as well as kind of entertaining and sometimes witty. But I don't like the ones that say "You are obviously uneducated and stupid because you just spelled a word wrong" etc. They have nothing to do with the subject being discussed. And they are not as funny as "Jane, you ignorant slut" once was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must say the meanest thing I've seen here so far was said to a single Mom who was looking for a little support at the end of a long week....basically she was told to suck it up and its her own fault for bearing children! Yikes! Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to get a rise....not so much they hate single Moms for example, but they are just frustrated or bored in their own lives. Still....at the end of the day, that's mean.

I think I know the post to which you are referring. And to be fair - it was NOT a single Mom. It was a Mom whose husband was going to be away for a week and she felt that friends and family should be jumping in to help her during that time because she goes to their birthday parties and baptisms.

I don't think it's mean or nasty to provide a reality check when someone is clearly in need of one.

Reading this I can tell you were one of the mean people on that thread....you're not giving a reality check. You're giving an elbow check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live in DC and lurk on these boards, you are likely a well-meaning parent who understands that to raise a successful child in the hyper-competitive overachieiving DC area, you better sharpen those elbows, exercise those vocal chords, and work on those hip checks. It's an awful, awful state of affairs. But I, for one, am not ready to move to Idaho or Alaska or thereabouts. We're not really mean and nasty. We are just trying to be the best momma bears for our baby bears.

This post makes me sad.

If you truly believe it's an awful state of affairs around here, don't just go along with it. Choose to make things better.

IMHO, very few child-rearing situations and issues are truly zero sum (I win therefore you lose, or the reverse.) There are about a million ways to be attentive or even an advocate for your child's needs without hurting or taking away from others. No throwing elbows or hip checking (or name calling) required!

Think about the big picture. This isn't just about us parents creating a supportive and kind environment for each other. It's about the models we put out there for our children. They deserve better than the sad inevitability you describe.

[Anonymous]

mean parents make mean kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must say the meanest thing I've seen here so far was said to a single Mom who was looking for a little support at the end of a long week....basically she was told to suck it up and its her own fault for bearing children! Yikes! Sometimes I wonder if people do it just to get a rise....not so much they hate single Moms for example, but they are just frustrated or bored in their own lives. Still....at the end of the day, that's mean.

I think I know the post to which you are referring. And to be fair - it was NOT a single Mom. It was a Mom whose husband was going to be away for a week and she felt that friends and family should be jumping in to help her during that time because she goes to their birthday parties and baptisms.

I don't think it's mean or nasty to provide a reality check when someone is clearly in need of one.

Reading this I can tell you were one of the mean people on that thread....you're not giving a reality check. You're giving an elbow check.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not one of your "mean people." I am, however, a confused people when someone states that family and friends owe her because she attended their birthday parties. In my world THAT'S what's mean. And I think it's worth noting the irony that in your complaints about mean people, you're being pretty mean and sharp-elbowed yourself.