Drop off birthday party, but don't know the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the responses. My daughter would happily attend alone, but I'm not comfortable sending her alone to a home where I don't know the parents.

Some PPs suggested emailing the parents to ask if I can stay. I would love to do this. Is it rude? On the one hand they might prefer I stay than have a guest decline, but on the other hand they're clearly hosting a drop off party and my choices might be to accept or decline but not ask to change the terms. What do you think?

OP, I can't think of any valid scenario in which a host parent would have a legitimate reason to say, "Gee, actually I would prefer if you didn't stay for the party." If I were the host parent, I'd welcome the chance to have an extra responsible adult to possibly help out, or at least keep company. Honestly, if a host parent felt put off by a parent of a guest wanting to stay, then that would be a red flag for me. I can't think of any reason why a parent shouldn't be welcomed to stay for the party (unless the host parent is just planning to plop all of the kids in front of the TV for two hours while she eats bon bons or something, and doesn't want any of the other parents to see her doing that!)

12:25 here. I meant to add that, because I don't see any valid reason why you "changing the terms" of the party (by wanting to stay) should be an issue, I would send the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:53 here. OP, how do you know it is a drop-off party?

Hi 11:53, OP here. The invitation specified "drop off party."

Hmm, if they were so firm to specify this, I'd jsut decline, saying, "I'm sorry DD is not ready for a drop-off party yet."

Who knows, maybe they'll get a lot of responses like this and realize, "Gee, maybe this wasn't a good idea to begin with."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:53 here. OP, how do you know it is a drop-off party?

Hi 11:53, OP here. The invitation specified "drop off party."

NP here. Either decline the invitation, and don't drop her off or say "yes" and drop her off. Don't contact the parents about staying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:53 here. OP, how do you know it is a drop-off party?

Hi 11:53, OP here. The invitation specified "drop off party."

Hmm, if they were so firm to specify this, I'd jsut decline, saying, "I'm sorry DD is not ready for a drop-off party yet."

Who knows, maybe they'll get a lot of responses like this and realize, "Gee, maybe this wasn't a good idea to begin with."

I'm a PP who said go ahead with the e-mail, because a host parent shouldn't have a problem with a parent of an invitee wanted to stay -- but I missed the above where you mention that the invitation said "drop off party." Based on that, I think I change my opinion to agree with the above PP who is recommending that you decline and indicate that your DD is not ready for a drop-off party yet.

I do still think it's weird for a host parent to specify drop-off only for a party for this age group. If it's because of space limitations, then the host should have invited fewer people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

Wow, that is just sad and pathetic!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be comfortable doing this. recently some girls got molested at a slumber party or something in the area. This is the typical setting where these sorts of things happen - girl in a male adult's home without her parents.

Assuming you are a woman married to a man (or a man married to a man) does that mean you will not have dropoff parties at your house for your kids?
And OP wasn't talking about a slumber party. Just a regular daytime birthday party.

[Anonymous]

At a party where it wasn't specifically spelled out I asked if it was a drop off party. The parent replied I was welcome to stay, or I could drop off hang out to make sure things were fine and leave, or I could drop off. It was my choice. Later when I got to know her even better I told her that I was really uncomforable about asking and she told me I wasn't the only parent that wanted to know and she said that because of the kids ages (4-7) and the different parenting style that she didn't say it was a drop off on purpose so parents could do what they were most comfortable in doing.

[Anonymous]

11:53 again - wow, I've never heard of the invite specifying "drop-off" party. Now I see why you are a little uncomfortable. I agree with people who suggest RSVPing saying DC isn't quite ready for drop-off parties yet. I wouldn't e-mail and ask if you can stay, since it seems like they don't want/expect parents to stay. The only thing I can think of is that maybe they have a small house and don't need more people hanging around. OR, they may want parents to know that it is OK if they want to drop off, but it doesn't mean they can't stay...maybe they don't want parents to feel like they have to stay. Very odd in any case. I hope you will tell us how they respond!

[Anonymous]

All the parties my son went to were optional drop off. He refused to be dropped off so I just tried to help when needed and stat out of the way. It is a bit embarrassing, but I was not the only one. I was cheered by the other moms when I finally made my escape this past party. Anyway, I would imagine the parents are offering drop off , but expecting some parents to stay

[Anonymous]

Just decline the invitation. My daughter's 5th party was drop off - no parents stayed or asked to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just decline the invitation. My daughter's 5th party was drop off - no parents stayed or asked to.

Why did you have to make it drop off? Why couldn't parents stay if they wanted? My dd has food allergies, and I prefer to stay unless you would say that you are able to administer her epipen if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I don't know the parents then this is a great opportunity to get to know them. Depending on the location and time of the party I have seen parents that stay, even if its a drop off party at age 8. For playdates and parties if I don't know the parent, I arrive, drop off kid talk with the parents, help with the party set up and decide at that point if I will stay or go. Sometimes there is a nice social gathering for parents going on and I enjoy gettting to know everyone. Sometimes I'm one of the few that is staying. For us I'd rather use it as a way to meet other kids and parents.

Oh, God. I hate you. There is always one at every one of my kid's parties. They're 8. Or even 9. I don't have time for you, I'm busy. I don't want to entertain you. None of the other parents are staying, it's obvious. It's not a social gathering for other parents or I would have written that on the invitation. There is nothing to help with, you're just in the way and you are clearly just interfering with your helicoptering. By the way, your kid is embarrassedby it.

Just don't accept the invitation if you can't leave him alone for 3 hours on a Saturday afernoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the responses. My daughter would happily attend alone, but I'm not comfortable sending her alone to a home where I don't know the parents.

Some PPs suggested emailing the parents to ask if I can stay. I would love to do this. Is it rude? On the one hand they might prefer I stay than have a guest decline, but on the other hand they're clearly hosting a drop off party and my choices might be to accept or decline but not ask to change the terms. What do you think?

OP, I can't think of any valid scenario in which a host parent would have a legitimate reason to say, "Gee, actually I would prefer if you didn't stay for the party." If I were the host parent, I'd welcome the chance to have an extra responsible adult to possibly help out, or at least keep company. Honestly, if a host parent felt put off by a parent of a guest wanting to stay, then that would be a red flag for me. I can't think of any reason why a parent shouldn't be welcomed to stay for the party (unless the host parent is just planning to plop all of the kids in front of the TV for two hours while she eats bon bons or something, and doesn't want any of the other parents to see her doing that!)

Nobody would say that (I hope) but they might think it. Not every parent that stays is helpful. Some want to be entertained, fed, and generally just create more work. If enough parents like that stay, it's a LOT more work. If she has a small home, or has had a bad experience with folks like that hanging around, there's your reason. Sometimes its easier to entertain a bunch of kids with some games, outdoor time, etc, than to cater to kids AND adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline the invitation. My daughter's 5th party was drop off - no parents stayed or asked to.

Why did you have to make it drop off? Why couldn't parents stay if they wanted? My dd has food allergies, and I prefer to stay unless you would say that you are able to administer her epipen if needed.

Because hosting a party for adults and kids is very different from just hosting a party for kids. My daughter had a small party with 7 friends so we don't need a lot of helping adult hands and I actually prefer when the kids can just play and do the activities without parental attention - it changes the flow of the party. I also like to get involved in the party activities and having fun with my daughter and not have to be entertaining adults, feeding adults, worrying about the adults being comfortable or having a group of adults follow me around watching what I'm doing. I also have no problem with parents declining the invitation if they only want to attend if it is a party for adults and kids. In the case of food allergies, hopefully you would have told me before hand so I could plan accordingly and I would be fine with you leaving me the epipen in case of emergency.

[Anonymous]

OP, the short answer is that it would be rude to ask if you can stay, when the invitation specified drop off. it doesn't matter why the parents chose a drop-off party. They did, and were clear about it. You/your daughter are not more important than any other guest, and are not entitled to special treatment. It's no different than any other invitation -- if you received a wedding invitation addressed to just you/spouse, would you call the bride and ask if you can bring a friend as well?

The invitation is clear and you have only two options -- drop your daughter off, going in with her to meet the parents/scope out the situation and leaving within 5-10 minutes, or politely declining the invitation WITHOUT any snark about drop-off parties.