Drop off birthday party, but don't know the parents

[Anonymous]

My daughter, 4, is invited to a drop off 5th birthday party, but we don't know the parents. My husband met the other dad in passing once. The birthday party is at their home, and I'm not comfortable of sending her. Is this just the norm for the 5+ set? Do other parents do this? Am I being overprotective?

[Anonymous]

It is definitely the norm at Janney. There are always a couple of helicopters who won't take off at first, but eventually almost all do.

[Anonymous]

We haven't run into this yet, OP, but I understand that it is uncomfortable. I always vowed I would know the parents pretty darned well before a drop-off play-date. However, I would feel more comfortable in general with a group party vs. a solo playdate. I'm also not sure I'd do it at age 4, but I feel much more comfortable about it at age 5.

And a lot would depend on my child and his personality. Some kids would NOT even think about going without Mom or Dad. Some would be thrilled. Some would be self-policing and responsible. Others would try olympic diving from the second floor porch onto the lawn out back. You know your kid best.

[Anonymous]

5 year old parties are sometimes drop off and sometimes parents stay...depends on the circle.

But just about all 6 year old parties are drop off.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself honestly (no snark here), what do you think could POSSIBLY happen to your child if you leave her at the home of a classmate with a gaggle of other kids?

I have no dog in this fight, as I always offer the option of sticking around or dropping off, but yes, I think you're being overprotective. Especially if your daughter isn't clingy or nervous.

[Anonymous]

I would drop off without a problem, but if you're nervous, why not RSVP yes, and then offer to stay and help corral kids or refill drinks or whatever? Or just drop off, but walk your kid in, introduce yourself, look around at which rooms the party is in, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would not be comfortable doing this. recently some girls got molested at a slumber party or something in the area. This is the typical setting where these sorts of things happen - girl in a male adult's home without her parents.

[Anonymous]

"What could possibly happen ?" - don't be naive - all it takes is one weird uncle to lure a child away from the group and molest them. My 4yo dd doesn't even give me an accurate description of what she does at preschool - I would not leave her with strangers or even acquaintances at this age.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 10:35 and 10:45. I wouldn't do it. You just never know. Better safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

Protecting a 4-year-old is nothing like what you describe in your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

Oh come on PP. A 4YO is not a working teen or an adult. Not all moms who are responsible and safe in the care of their toddlers are going to end up like this mom you describe.

[Anonymous]

If I don't know the parents then this is a great opportunity to get to know them. Depending on the location and time of the party I have seen parents that stay, even if its a drop off party at age 8. For playdates and parties if I don't know the parent, I arrive, drop off kid talk with the parents, help with the party set up and decide at that point if I will stay or go. Sometimes there is a nice social gathering for parents going on and I enjoy gettting to know everyone. Sometimes I'm one of the few that is staying. For us I'd rather use it as a way to meet other kids and parents.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't comfortable dropping her off, just email the parents and say "Emily is really excited to come to Anna's birthday party. However, Emily hasn't done a lot of drop off parties yet. Would it be ok if I stayed?"

Parents will, or should, be understanding of that. And if they think you are overprotective...ehh, who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

Oh come on PP. A 4YO is not a working teen or an adult. Not all moms who are responsible and safe in the care of their toddlers are going to end up like this mom you describe.

The comparison is every bit as valid as those who say it's "naive" to discount the possibility of a weird uncle.

Except, weird uncles are rare. In my experience, and that of my husband (a college prof who fields multiple calls every semester from parents who are disappointed in the grade Timmy earned), helicopter parenting into adulthood is a growing epidemic. Fight it!