Drop off birthday party, but don't know the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently had a newly-hired employee escorted to work by his mother. (Not dropped off... she parked, came inside, introduced herself to the other staff and to me (the business owner), asked to see his work area, etc etc.) Worse than that, the employee didn't seem to think this was strange or embarrassing. That's YOU people in 15-20 years.

Oh come on PP. A 4YO is not a working teen or an adult. Not all moms who are responsible and safe in the care of their toddlers are going to end up like this mom you describe.

The comparison is every bit as valid as those who say it's "naive" to discount the possibility of a weird uncle.

Except, weird uncles are rare. In my experience, and that of my husband (a college prof who fields multiple calls every semester from parents who are disappointed in the grade Timmy earned), helicopter parenting into adulthood is a growing epidemic. Fight it!

The point is to be developmentally appropriate. There's still a wide range of necessary supervision for a four year old. Not so much for an adult without special needs.

[Anonymous]

Call me helicoptor mom all you want but my DD just turned 5 and nope I wouldnt do it. I dont care what's the "norm." Sh*t happens with people folks supposedly "know" so I dont even want to think about what could happen with someone I dont. I dont know who is gonna be there...hell no.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 year old, OP, and I would likely do the drop off. My DD is pretty comfortable socially, moreso than myself, and adjusts pretty well to new situations. That said, all kids are different and it's possible that your DC might be uncomfortable without Mama. I think you should call the parent and just explain that your DC is 4 and never been to drop off party before. You could ask to stay, or, just ask the specifics of the party. How many kids, what kind of supervision, what kind of structure...anything you feel like you need to know to decide whether you can be comfortable sending your kid.

As for the danger of molestation, I understand the fear and I do a fair battle with it myself. But, I want my DD to enjoy becoming an independent kid, so I think it's important to weigh risks, but allow things like parties if I can. Frankly, a day drop off party with other kids feels pretty low risk to me, which is another reason I would probably do it.

[Anonymous]

No way would I drop off my 4 year old with someone I don't know. Not only that, this is good or bad, but my 4 year old would not be comfortable with it and would probably hold onto my leg if I tried to leave. I think you can request that you stay. Actually my older dd was in K last year, and she was invited to a girl's party turning 6, and several mom's had to stay because their K student didn't want to be dropped off without mom or dad as well.

[Anonymous]

5 seems to be when the dropping off parties start and the staying parties end. I would drop off as long as DC is comfortable with it. When you drop DC off, you can certainly chat with the parents, see who's in the house and what's going on - if there are people there who you don't like the looks of, then stay. Otherwise, enjoy having an hour or two to yourself!

While my kids and I would have had no problems with dropping off (and we certainly did drop them off at parties at that age), I think any host who invites 4-year-olds can reasonably expect a couple of their parents to hover. If you do choose to hover, please make yourself useful though!! And don't expect anyone to feed/entertain you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the responses. My daughter would happily attend alone, but I'm not comfortable sending her alone to a home where I don't know the parents.

Some PPs suggested emailing the parents to ask if I can stay. I would love to do this. Is it rude? On the one hand they might prefer I stay than have a guest decline, but on the other hand they're clearly hosting a drop off party and my choices might be to accept or decline but not ask to change the terms. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the responses. My daughter would happily attend alone, but I'm not comfortable sending her alone to a home where I don't know the parents.

Some PPs suggested emailing the parents to ask if I can stay. I would love to do this. Is it rude? On the one hand they might prefer I stay than have a guest decline, but on the other hand they're clearly hosting a drop off party and my choices might be to accept or decline but not ask to change the terms. What do you think?

I'd risk the e-mail if my daughter were just dying to attend. If she doesn't have much interest in going, I'd just RSVP no.

[Anonymous]

11:53 here. OP, how do you know it is a drop-off party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I don't know the parents then this is a great opportunity to get to know them. Depending on the location and time of the party I have seen parents that stay, even if its a drop off party at age 8. For playdates and parties if I don't know the parent, I arrive, drop off kid talk with the parents, help with the party set up and decide at that point if I will stay or go. Sometimes there is a nice social gathering for parents going on and I enjoy gettting to know everyone. Sometimes I'm one of the few that is staying. For us I'd rather use it as a way to meet other kids and parents.

May be construed as rude, but maybe you could phrase it this way:

"I'm so sorry Janey won't be able to make it this time, as she is just not ready for drop-off parties yet."

Then, if it IS okay for you to attend with her, they'd reply, "Oh, you can definitely come with her if you like!"

Or,

If it is not really appropriate/they do not have room for parents/etc., they can just accept your declining the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is definitely the norm at Janney. There are always a couple of helicopters who won't take off at first, but eventually almost all do.

What is Janney?

[Anonymous]

Just stay if you want to stay. At this age (and even at my daughter's age-- who is 8) there is a wide variation. I have been to very few parties where it is just the children and the party hosts. Most of the parties we've been to have adult family members, maybe a friend or two, and then usually a couple of parents of party goers who are hanging out. I'd go, stay a bit to socialize and if everything seems fine, you can leave and get a coffee then come back a few minutes early and socialize some more. I usually stay and socialize for a bit when I drop my kids off at birthdays. It is a great way to catch up with parents I don't get to see that often.

I also think it's fine to stay the whole time if that's what you're comfortable with. I'm sure the parents won't mind.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a DC in this age group but am just surprised that any parent would want to be responsible for a group of 5 year olds. As the parent throwing the party I'd welcome other parents, if for no other reason than I don't want liability for their kid hurting themselves (and arguably even with them present I could still be held liable). Seems odd to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the responses. My daughter would happily attend alone, but I'm not comfortable sending her alone to a home where I don't know the parents.

Some PPs suggested emailing the parents to ask if I can stay. I would love to do this. Is it rude? On the one hand they might prefer I stay than have a guest decline, but on the other hand they're clearly hosting a drop off party and my choices might be to accept or decline but not ask to change the terms. What do you think?

OP, I can't think of any valid scenario in which a host parent would have a legitimate reason to say, "Gee, actually I would prefer if you didn't stay for the party." If I were the host parent, I'd welcome the chance to have an extra responsible adult to possibly help out, or at least keep company. Honestly, if a host parent felt put off by a parent of a guest wanting to stay, then that would be a red flag for me. I can't think of any reason why a parent shouldn't be welcomed to stay for the party (unless the host parent is just planning to plop all of the kids in front of the TV for two hours while she eats bon bons or something, and doesn't want any of the other parents to see her doing that!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:53 here. OP, how do you know it is a drop-off party?

Hi 11:53, OP here. The invitation specified "drop off party."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I drop off my 4 year old with someone I don't know. Not only that, this is good or bad, but my 4 year old would not be comfortable with it and would probably hold onto my leg if I tried to leave. I think you can request that you stay. Actually my older dd was in K last year, and she was invited to a girl's party turning 6, and several mom's had to stay because their K student didn't want to be dropped off without mom or dad as well.

My DD (5) would freak. She doesnt need mom/dad to be hovering over her but somewhere on the scene. Just show up and stay...what are they gonna do? Kick you out?