Am I being unreasonable (question about time with grandparents)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have made the decision that there is something more important than seeing their grandkids every single Sunday. And now they ask you - adults, with jobs, families, and other responsibilities, to conform YOUR schedules around THEIR activities? And pout when you don't? No effin' way. If you have a free Saturday and want to see them, fine, and sure, schedule some time with them. But I certainly wouldn't limit my or my kids' activities because my parents are selfish.

OP again. This is how I feel! But the way they present it is like it's assumed that we need to change our plans, since theirs are religious and obviously more important than having little Johnny go to a friend's birthday party. There's definitely a sense that their plans are more important than ours, because admittedly, we don't go to church or do any religious activities. And the underlying subtext is that we *could* spend Sunday with them, if we wanted to go to Sunday school, church services, etc.

These folks are attempting to manipulate. It takes two to tango, so just end the dance by refusing to join in. Go about your life and if there is a mutually convenient time for everyone to meet up, then go for it. But do not rearrange your life for folks who have another agenda, even if they are the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my maternal and paternal grandparents were dead and I envied my friends their grandparents. Work with them as these memories will be so important to your children and they won't be around forever.

I have a problem with responses like this.

Just because someone is a grandparent doesn't automatically make them a great person for their grandchildren to be around. Some grandparents are downright toxic. "Because they could be dead someday" is not a good reason to play passive-agressive bullshit games.

Thank you, Dr. Freud. Some people just fail to see the big picture about grandparents. Some kids don't even have grandparents close by or even alive. How lucky these kids are to have 4 living grandparents. And the "passive aggressive" label is so over used, it's laughable. I'm sure the grandparents are just sitting around plotting ways to control the situation and make their lives miserable. What a bunch of whiners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my maternal and paternal grandparents were dead and I envied my friends their grandparents. Work with them as these memories will be so important to your children and they won't be around forever.

I have a problem with responses like this.

Just because someone is a grandparent doesn't automatically make them a great person for their grandchildren to be around. Some grandparents are downright toxic. "Because they could be dead someday" is not a good reason to play passive-agressive bullshit games.

Thank you, Dr. Freud. Some people just fail to see the big picture about grandparents. Some kids don't even have grandparents close by or even alive. How lucky these kids are to have 4 living grandparents. And the "passive aggressive" label is so over used, it's laughable. I'm sure the grandparents are just sitting around plotting ways to control the situation and make their lives miserable. What a bunch of whiners.

Certainly sounds that way from the OP. *shrug*

And I'm so sorry your grandchildren want nothing to do with you. Pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make plans with them on a regular basis, just like you're making plans to see your friends. It doesn't have to be every Saturday. But you should treat them with kindness/courtesy and make plans so that they can count on the fact that they are going to see their grandchildren on a regular basis. It's great that it works out well for the other grandparents to see them on a more flexible/last minute schedule. But that doesn't work for everyone.

I have a feeling PP is a grandparent.

You are not at all unreasonable, OP! If you are available on Saturday, great. If not, let them know and suggest other days/evenings during the week that they could stop by. We have both sets of grandparents close by, and it gets overwhelming. Makes it very hard to maintain friendships because family obligations take up so much of your free time.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the new reality OP. We see my MIL every other week like clockwork. I would suggest pizza night for Saturday dinner at your house or theirs. That way you have the day for yourself.

[Anonymous]

There are six days in the week that aren't Sunday. If the grandparents are busy only on Sunday, you can work around it. Pretend that it's important to you and you'll suddenly find a way.

[Anonymous]

Make your own plans on Sat. With friends or other kids or bday parties or sports, they can attend the sports, or meet you for lunch, or somewhere in between your events. They cannot control every Sat. Monthly or twice monthly is enough, r invite them to dinner midweek. They can ate it or leave it.