another IL question - do I sound like a princess, or is this fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

Why is that princess-y. She expressed her (very reasonable) position and is not putting anyone out. She's willing to pay for the extra room.
If she sounds anything, it's maybe a bit resentful of the SIL (but that's not unusual and beyond the scope of her question.)

She's going to be on vacation for a week. She shouldn't have to suffer sleep deprivation just to accommodate a family vacation (which it sounds like they dutifully attend). There's nothing "princess" about that.

OP, I say that what you propose is reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would never share a two bedroom condo with all those people, EFF THAT!! I'm a nanny and can't afford Caribbean vacations but still wouldn't go. How relaxing is it to spend a week crammed into one bedroom, then not even have privacy because another family is crammed in to the other bedroom?? That sounds like the vacation from hell, no thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are completely reasonable and not a princess at all. Um, I like to have SEX with my DH and don't want to be celebate for a week or be regulated to the shower. That would be my other consideration.

You are reasonable because you are offering to pay for a condo.

Celibate.
Relegated.

xoxo,
Spelling Police

guilty as charged, I can't spell. I grew up on spell check. For online forums I'm too lay-z to bother even with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are completely reasonable and not a princess at all. Um, I like to have SEX with my DH and don't want to be celebate for a week or be regulated to the shower. That would be my other consideration.

You are reasonable because you are offering to pay for a condo.

Celibate.
Relegated.

xoxo,
Spelling Police

guilty as charged, I can't spell. I grew up on spell check. For online forums I'm too lay-z to bother even with that.

But lazy is easier to spell than lay-z!

[Anonymous]

how I wish I had problems like this...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

Her point is valid and I think it's fine to go ahead and get another/bigger condo, but she didn't need to add in all the snooty details.

Exactly.
- 12:53

Thanks guys. This is actually fair enough, and you're picking up on (or I was telegraphing!) my general frustration with SIL. She is a huge mooch off her parents all around - she's the type who, when parents offer to pay for plane tickets, will throw in the cost of gas and parking at the airport, despite them having put her through med school so she could support herself in a nice way. More importantly, she drives the vacation agenda. I'm sure this vacation in this location was her idea, during the week that was convenient for her, and I hate feeling like I'm a brat if it's not what I want to do. Not that they should ask me, but maybe DH or his brother should get to pick a destination and setup sometime (dont even get me started about the days when family Christmas was in Utah, where she did her residency, so she could plant her kids with the grandparents and ski with her friends on their dime while DH and I tried to figure out how to entertain a 2YO in waist-high snow...).

Anyway, appreciate all opinions and sounds like I have a plan.

While sitting around the pool with the whole fam in your tropical paradise, your DH casually says something like, "wow, this is so great. I am totally enjoying our family vacation. I'm so glad we do this every year. I'm even starting to think about next year! You know where I'd love to go? To XYZ vacation hot spot. Bro, what do you think? Got any suggestions?"

[Anonymous]

All this extended family vacation stuff is just bullshit.

I would NEVER vacation with all those family members.

friends, yes! family? NO WAY IN HELL! And we get along fine.

Maybe that's why?

[Anonymous]

You know OP, you actually don't have to go these vacations if you don't want. I mean sure a free vacation is nice but if you don't want or need it, it's ok to say thanks but no thanks.

[Anonymous]

You sound rationale and reasonable and not like a "princess" at all. The details about family finances helps put it all in perspective IMO, too. I think the nasty posters, who are calling you a princess or snooty, are just the typical DCUM posters who are perpetually angry that some people have more money than they have. Best to just ignor them.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like you have the advice you need but I just wanted to comment that I don't think you sounds spoiled. Planning and going on vacation is one of my great joys in life! We specifically set aside money and really think hard about what we want to do etc. I always want to try somewhere near. I actually would hate being stuck in a situation of being obliged to go with family every year to somewhere they picked - even if they paid! I'd rather pay myself and do exactly what I want to do! I know a lot of us don't have a lot of vacation or leave time from work so I could also see how suggesting that you do your own vacation the way you want as well as the family vacation might not work -- I wouldn't have even enough time off to do two vacations and holidays