another IL question - do I sound like a princess, or is this fair?

[Anonymous]

It's totally fine and they will hopefully appreciate having an extra space available.

[Anonymous]

I think it's all in the way you put it. I don't think it sounds snarky or princessy.

Hey Mom, we would love some alone time/kids are light sleepers/ etc etc, so we're going to rent another condo. Don't worry about the cost, we've got it covered. Maybe Sister would enjoy having some space from the kids too?

[Anonymous]

Why not go halfsies with the inlaws to get a bigger condo but put all the kids in one room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's all in the way you put it. I don't think it sounds snarky or princessy.

Hey Mom, we would love some alone time/kids are light sleepers/ etc etc, so we're going to rent another condo. Don't worry about the cost, we've got it covered. Maybe Sister would enjoy having some space from the kids too?

I think this approach is the way to go. Then SIL's family gets their own condo, Parents and BIL split one, and your family has one. Just present it as done, not something up for discussion.

I don't think this is princessy, and I assume the extra details were for us, not what you'd say to your in-laws!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

Her point is valid and I think it's fine to go ahead and get another/bigger condo, but she didn't need to add in all the snooty details.

Exactly.
- 12:53

Thanks guys. This is actually fair enough, and you're picking up on (or I was telegraphing!) my general frustration with SIL. She is a huge mooch off her parents all around - she's the type who, when parents offer to pay for plane tickets, will throw in the cost of gas and parking at the airport, despite them having put her through med school so she could support herself in a nice way. More importantly, she drives the vacation agenda. I'm sure this vacation in this location was her idea, during the week that was convenient for her, and I hate feeling like I'm a brat if it's not what I want to do. Not that they should ask me, but maybe DH or his brother should get to pick a destination and setup sometime (dont even get me started about the days when family Christmas was in Utah, where she did her residency, so she could plant her kids with the grandparents and ski with her friends on their dime while DH and I tried to figure out how to entertain a 2YO in waist-high snow...).

Anyway, appreciate all opinions and sounds like I have a plan.

[Anonymous]

OP, your plan sounds totally reasonable.

But, reading your reply, how often do you go on IL trips at the expense of time just as your nuclear family? Annually? Every couple of years? Does it come at the expense of time with your FOO?

Perhaps think about dialing it down a bit and skipping every third trip or so--you might enjoy the trips more that way.

[Anonymous]

Not princess-y at all. And I'd honestly convey your point to MIL yourself - I find that my DH words things not so eloquently.

'MIL, thank you so much for booking the condos - we love the location and it's so thoughtful of you to plan a family trip. I just want to let you know that we're going to book a third condo for our family so our kids can have their own rooms, since they're not the best sleepers and will wake each other up. But we're super excited for the trip and to see everyone!'

Good luck. I let MIL book a 3-br condo for a beach trip last year, which meant our kids slept in the same room...and although they were tired from the beach and slept pretty well, it wasn't the best arrangement. I offered to go in on a SFH but she wanted to treat us. As a result, I was stressed bringing the kids up/down 4 flights of stairs, making sure they didn't throw toys of the balcony, didn't wake the downstairs neighbors at 6am, etc...

Next time, we'll book our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

Why is that princess-y. She expressed her (very reasonable) position and is not putting anyone out. She's willing to pay for the extra room.
If she sounds anything, it's maybe a bit resentful of the SIL (but that's not unusual and beyond the scope of her question.)

She's going to be on vacation for a week. She shouldn't have to suffer sleep deprivation just to accommodate a family vacation (which it sounds like they dutifully attend). There's nothing "princess" about that.

OP, I say that what you propose is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

You are completely reasonable and not a princess at all. Um, I like to have SEX with my DH and don't want to be celebate for a week or be regulated to the shower. That would be my other consideration.

You are reasonable because you are offering to pay for a condo.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have the same inlaws except mine are cheap. You are not a princess. Rent what you want, mention it casually, and try not to sound bitter. It's hard, believe me, I know.

My inlaws want my family of 4, SIL's family of 4 and single BIL to share IL's small 4br. House for thanksgiving weekend. Offering to stay in a hotel would be "rude" in their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are completely reasonable and not a princess at all. Um, I like to have SEX with my DH and don't want to be celebate for a week or be regulated to the shower. That would be my other consideration.

You are reasonable because you are offering to pay for a condo.

Celibate.
Relegated.

xoxo,
Spelling Police

[Anonymous]

OP, to me and everyone I know (except unfortunately my ILs and a few hangers on) vacation=comfort=space. Will DH speak up? If not, will you? Its your precious time and your precious money. If you wanted to be in a sardine can, you would go camping! DH gets this, but his family doesn't, so he goes without me. I don't think you want to miss out provided you have your own house/condo/space, though right? Or are they annoying and unwelcoming?

If they are just not nice people, save your money and stay home and book a family friendly holiday for yourselves. If they are otherwise decent and not jerks, go and book the extra space. If there is one thing I understand, it is space on vacation! GL.

[Anonymous]

Princess-y or not, there is exactly zero chance I would attend without my own condo. But I wouldn't have to bring it up, because my DH would refuse as well (he, too, likes to have sex on vacation!)

I also would never allow my ILs to pay my way on vacation...

[Anonymous]

I was thinking the same thing about ILs paying, but to each his own. As long as they are not insular - my ILs are outrageously insular, to the point I am not even interested in going. I don't care if they were going on the best trip there is (never mind they go on the worst trip, which doesn't help their case).

[Anonymous]

Hey, my ILs regularly treat SIL and her family to huge family vacations while we are expected to just come visit. When we proposed a joint family vacation, every option is rejected.

ILs suck sometimes.