another IL question - do I sound like a princess, or is this fair?

[Anonymous]

I generally like my in-laws, and want to stay in good graces/be part of the family. Here's the issue. They regularly ask us to go on vacation with them, including DH's 2 siblings, their spouses, and SIL's 3 kids (BIL doesn't have any yet). They generally foot the bill. They are generous and easy-going, so this isn't one of those "vacation with us and you will eat boxed mac and cheese every night and cant order a soda with dinner" things, but...

this time, they want everyone to go to the Caribbean. They have rented 2 2BR condos on the beach. That means DH and I will be in one room with both our kids. SIL and her DH would also in theory share a room with their 3 kids, but more likely SIL will stick her 2 older kids with MIL and FIL and just keep the baby with her. Even if we wanted to do this, our older one wouldn't go for it because he doesn't know grandparents as well as his cousins do (they live in the same town and regularly spend overnights with them).

The bottom line is, this doesn't sound like fun to me. I prefer to have a separate room for my kids on vacation - we do not sleep well all together - and frankly, we can afford to vacation the way we want to. I dont know if SIL and her DH actually mind all this family togetherness, but they dont have a lot of money (she's a doctor so certainly could but has chosen to work part time), so they rely on her parents to sponsor their vacations.

I would like to suggest that if they can reserve a 3rd condo we will take it and pay for it (which would have the additional benefit of freeing up one of their bedrooms for SIL to put her kids in, on the family dime). Otherwise I really am not interested in using my limited vacation time to have a week with no sleep in, frankly, a destination I dont love (have been there before). I think that's fair, but I am cognizant that no one hears SIL complaining about the room-sharing, and I dont want to come off as a brat.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

What does your DH say about this?

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. But you make the reservation, after having a friendly conversation with her about it, in which you might share whatever sleep problems your children are having at the moment necessitating a separate room for them.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. I say have your DH call and say casually that he thinks you guys will rent one more condo. Don't have him make a big deal of it, just do it. DON'T allow him to say that you'd be more comfy that way - he should say it would be more comfortable for everyone. I agree - limited vacation time, why put yourself through the pain if you don't have to!

[Anonymous]

You do sound like a princess...but I would still have your DH explore the idea of you paying for another condo or even cost to get 3bed condo vs. 2.

[Anonymous]

I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. I say have your DH call and say casually that he thinks you guys will rent one more condo. Don't have him make a big deal of it, just do it. DON'T allow him to say that you'd be more comfy that way - he should say it would be more comfortable for everyone. I agree - limited vacation time, why put yourself through the pain if you don't have to!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

[Anonymous]

I'd feel the same way if I were in your position, OP. Have your DH raise the possibility of your renting a 3rd condo casually and nicely with his parents. Nice, simple solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. I say have your DH call and say casually that he thinks you guys will rent one more condo. Don't have him make a big deal of it, just do it. DON'T allow him to say that you'd be more comfy that way - he should say it would be more comfortable for everyone. I agree - limited vacation time, why put yourself through the pain if you don't have to!

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Another simple solution is to see if there's a 3 bedroom condo available. Then you can throw all the kids in one room. I used to love that when I was a kid, staying up all night with my cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

Her point is valid and I think it's fine to go ahead and get another/bigger condo, but she didn't need to add in all the snooty details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

Her point is valid and I think it's fine to go ahead and get another/bigger condo, but she didn't need to add in all the snooty details.

Exactly.
- 12:53

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound pretty princess-y - "we can afford to go on vacation like we want," "she COULD have more money if she worked more" etc. That said, in terms of the actual issue at hand, I can't see why they'd object as long as you pay for your own place.

I think OP's point is valid. They have limited vacation time and they can afford to go on vacation the way they'd like. What is wrong with that? It's a valid point because if we thought saving the money was a big deal to them maybe our advice would be different.

Her point is valid and I think it's fine to go ahead and get another/bigger condo, but she didn't need to add in all the snooty details.

Exactly.
- 12:53

[Anonymous]

OP i think you are completely valid. We regularly go on vacations with family except we pay for ourselves and the matriarch which makes it tons more difficult so thanks your stars on that. So your ILs have a 2BR condo to themselves and two families with 5 kids (9 people) technically share one 2 BR condo? That's not comfortable or vacationlike to me. I think if you had a 3 br condo and had each couple with their own BR and the kids share a bunk room that would be best.