Can I be the sole caretaker of baby after C-Section?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent with no family in the area. After my son was born, I had overnight help from a doula service every night the first two weeks (and a few hours per day the first week), and then twice a week until I hit the 8 week recovery mark.

The main problems I found were that I needed help with the initial set up of the changing area, pack n' play etc., I couldn't do the stairs well, and I also couldn't lift the diaper pail insert or take out the garbage easily. Your husband may be able to handle a lot of the chores you can't do yourself, because many of them could be delayed until the evening.

Feeding the baby, pumping, getting myself some toast and soup, greeting the pizza delivery man etc. were all entirely doable, although really time consuming

A lot of doula services will let you do a few 4 hour shifts here and there. If you get someone to come in a couple of times that first couple of weeks, you may find that's enough. They are also used to on the fly scheduling, so if you need to add shifts becuase you find you need more help than you thought, that may be possible.

That's really great to know! We'll be in a single-level apt; I'm not concerned about housekeeping, only baby-related stuff (feeding, carrying, changing diapers).

[Anonymous]

You all make very good points about DH taking more time off. He'll learn more about company culture after he starts, but we already know he'll have a demanding schedule - the company is known for working its employees pretty hard, and it doesn't seem to be family friendly (many young, unattached employees).

If negative PTO, unpaid leave or telecommuting are options, he'll definitely use them.

Thanks all!

[Anonymous]

You're totally right, how much help you need depends on how your body reacts.

However, please be careful about driving too soon after the c-section. Should something happen and the airbag deploys, it could be a serious injury for you.

Best of luck to you and congrats on your husband's new gig. Things work out for a reason...but not often on the timetable we'd imagined!

[Anonymous]

Stay as active and fit as possible right up until the end. This is the best thing for a speedier recovery. My first section I was more active and had a much easier time than the second one. I know that isn't a statistically significant sample size, but I do believe it made a huge difference. Now this time around I am staying as active as my body will allow.

Do no count on driving. Though it worked out fine for OP, if you need to brake suddenly, or worse, it can very quickly develop into a life-threatening situation. Therefore, you will need a driver to get you to those early pediatrician and OB appointments.

And only you know your relatives. I would sooner be miserable than have the help of mine, but even then I can see myself in a position where I would call them. Going through the birth process removes some of your pride (for lack of a better way to say it). When you are there giving birth you are very dependent on other people, and it's okay. I learned a lot about asking for the help I needed because my babies depended on me to make the best choices for their well-being.

Good luck, and realize that this is just a plan B. In all likelihood you will have an uncomplicated vaginal delivery with a normal recovery. You'll be walking and driving in a couple of days. PS- consider joining a church or temple or what have you as soon as you arrive in your new location. Everyone loves to hold babies, and you may just get an hour of a "free" break once a week. Just a thought for a chance at some instant community in your new locale. There are tons of other options, but few come ready-made as something you can just walk into. (I'm not religious, and in fact I'm an atheist, but I do like church community, happy messeages and service opportunities.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're totally right, how much help you need depends on how your body reacts.

However, please be careful about driving too soon after the c-section. Should something happen and the airbag deploys, it could be a serious injury for you.

Best of luck to you and congrats on your husband's new gig. Things work out for a reason...but not often on the timetable we'd imagined!

Thank you, that's what I keep reminding myself.

[Anonymous]

I've had two c-sections, and each was different. The first, I recovered physically quite quickly from and was living in a ranch (1 level) home with no stairs to navigate. I only needed to take regular Tylenol for the pain. I *think* I might have managed OK without help, but who knows, since I had DH the first week and my mom the second. My second CS was an entirely different story. I was taking Percoset and super Motrin for 10 days post-op, my stitches were oozing, and I was living in a three-story home with a toddler. There was NO WAY I could have handled that by myself.

So, to agree with the PP who said that you can't really judge based upon other people's experiences, I say prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. You will need someone to drive you (or at least a very reliable cab) and your DH, if he MUST work (did he even ask his company if he could day a few days off to help you out?), must be reachable at all times and come home early from work. DH and you need to realize that a CS is major abdominal surgery.

[Anonymous]

I would try to line up some help. I had an uncomplicated vaginal birth with a small amount of tearing. HOWEVER....the hormones, breastfeeding (if you plan to), pain, sleep deprivation, etc. can all be a lot. Even if it all goes great, like it did for me, it's a LOT to deal with with no support at all. I had my DH with me all day for weeks and weeks, and midwives who came to my house in the beginning.

A doula, even if for just a few hours a day, could really help you. You do not want to push your body too hard--that could delay your recovery. Would getting help be necessary? Maybe not, but it could be a sanity saver. You want your first few weeks with your new little one to be as peaceful as possible...enjoy them!

[Anonymous]

Just because you can do something does mean it should be done. You should line up some help. Ask a friend to come stay or go through your family options. You are more at risk for post partum if you're on your own.

[Anonymous]

It isn't about being a wuss. Some people's bodies just react differently. I would havce been fine with my husband going back to work right after we got home from the hospital with my first section. And the second recovery was even easier but I couldn't lift my toddler and so needed help for the first few weeks. I was lucky. I don't think for one second that people that need more help are wussy. I'm a wuss with very low tolerance for pain. But I had virtually no pain. OP, there is no way to know. I'd have some names and numbers lined up just in case, but I wouldn't schedule someone ahead of time.

This was me. Discharged myself a day early and took a little Advil. Kept forgetting that I even had an incision. BUT, you never know....and just the sheer stress of a new baby is enough to warrant some help if you can get it.

[Anonymous]

unplanned c section and couldn't get out of bed for5 days without extreme pain and agony and took about 3-4 minutes just to sit up. Could def. NOT WALK with a baby in my arms for about a week unsupported. Everyone heals differently but 2 weeks in I was perfectly fine. The first 7 days were hard physically b/c of the shock/pain of a c section and the shock to your system from sleep deprivation. I did have help and needed it! I don't know how it's physically possible to be okay within 48hrs to be okay on your own with the newborn post C section. I could barely walk and was in a lot of pain. If I held the baby and walked somewhere I would've dropped her.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. I had two scheduled c-sections and they were a piece of cake. I was up walking around as soon as the epidurals wore off, but know people who had c-sections who were still in pain weeks later. I have friends with vaginal childbirths who had bad tearing and it took them longer to recover than it would have taken if they had a c-section, so you never know.

Physical capability aside, I was an emotional wreck after giving birth, thanks mostly to the sleep depravation that comes along with a newborn. If I hadn't had DH to help, I would have definitely called in a baby nurse so that I could at least get some rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you can do something does mean it should be done. You should line up some help. Ask a friend to come stay or go through your family options. You are more at risk for post partum if you're on your own.

This exactly. Don't rely on DCUM experiences -- for all we know there is one poster posting all the comments, or a troll, or whatever. Regardless you have no idea how YOUR body will respond, and it can be really terrible to need help and not have it. Difficult recovery can increase the chance of: post partum depression, pelvic floor difficulties, colic in the baby, and other physical problems for you such as infection or torn stitches. These things apply whether you have a vag or c/s birth, so do what you need to do to line up some help. I've never known a brand new mother to regret the help she has on hand, even if she had a "easy" birth.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it can be done, but it wont be fun or easy. I've had three c-sections, each with very different recoveries. My dh took off for 2-6 weeks (different with each recovery), and we had help during the day from our parents. You might want to try to line up a mothers helper for a few hours a day so you can shower, nap, etc. Plus, you might need the company. I go bananas being home alone with a newborn...it's very isolating.

[Anonymous]

Driving is VERY challenging. I drove half a mile at a week post op and when I hit the brakes, the pain was unreal. I think caring for the baby is doable, just expect that you won't be ale to jump up and will be moving more slowly. The baby may need to fuss for a little bit longer, you should adjust your expectations about not being able to provide immediate care. If you can manage to keep everything one one floor of the house, that would make things much easier. Also, anything to stockpile some food for yourself so you don't have to do a whole lot of meal prep, either easy sandwiches, salads, frozen meals, will be a lifesaver.

I did have my Mom here helping me, she mostly did meal prep and laundry, but I really think I could have managed on my own. It will be hard, but I think you can manage. The only thing that concerns me is driving. You really shouldn't be grocery shopping or lifting anything heavier than that baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT depend on anyone else's experience. Your vaginal birth or surgery recovery could be very different, and you don't know until you know.

This is so true. I had an unplanne d c-section and was on my feet, basically pain free from the time I left the hospital. Contrast that with a friend who could barely stand up after her c-section. Or another friend who couldn't move easily for weeks after birth because she experience terrible tearing during her vaginal delivery

Have someone ready and there. You can always send them away or change plans if you don't need them - whether doula or family. You can get away with a lot o f candid directness during those first few weeks with a newborn - if you're family is driving you nuts and you don't need them, or the doula is unnecessary show them the door. But if you do need the help, you'll be awfully glad you had it.

At the very least, physical issues aside, I founrd that no matter how prepared you think you are for that baby coming home (and I was uber-prepared!), you end up running out to the baby store or drug store a million times in those first few weeks for stuff you overlooked. Kind of like moving into a new place and running to the Home Depot a lot! Not easy to do for a new mom - helpful to have a sidekick, for sure.

Good luck!!