not invited. would this sting you too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what did the host (mom) do or say when she saw you arrive at the playground? Did you she ignore you and your DD? Did she wave and look guilty for not inviting you?

She did not wave or say hi right away, but she was busy with the party and I was busy watching/playing with DD. When we finally did wander close to eachother and say hi (and exchange a few words), she did not seem guilty or embarrassed.

Maybe I really am not a member of this group as I thought I was

Someone asked if she may have announced the party on a day when I wasn't there. I guess that's possible...if that's the case, then she must think i'm a jerk for not coming to the party (but then crashing it)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
but she's most likely just a normal 3 year old - just lost in her own world and her own play. My 3 year old is in montessori and even there, when i pick her up, i sometimes find her playing on her own, very content, but certainly not aggressively socializing. i can see how she might get left out of parties by the bigger kids - they might think she's too little/too much of a baby b/c she doesn't want to play with them.

OP here. PP, this might be the case here with my daughter, too. Who knows - maybe the birthday boy said he didn't want to invite my daughter (but again, if I were the host mom, I would have gently explained that we don't exclude people, that we're going to invite all of our neighborhood friends, etc. etc.)

PP here again: - i do agree with you; it isjust plain rude of her. i was just trying to come up with reasons why. some people think their kids should be allowed to make choices.... maybe she's one of those and didn't think you might wander by. i do agree with inviting her to your party.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound really nice. I'm sorry that happened to you and your child. Try not to take it too personally. If it continues to happen, or if your own party is ignored, then you'll know something is up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP here again: - i do agree with you; it isjust plain rude of her. i was just trying to come up with reasons why. some people think their kids should be allowed to make choices.... maybe she's one of those and didn't think you might wander by. i do agree with inviting her to your party.

Thank you, PP. I think you're right that it might be that my DD is easy to exclude because she does her own thing, maybe seems littler than the bigger kids.

Thanks, all, for your feedback and for validating my feelings. I will try to follow a PP's suggestion to just let it go - life's too short, as the PP said.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my daughter almost 10 years ago, and I still feel angry and hurt by it. I invited the "friend" and her daughter to my daughter's birthday party a few months after that, but I no longer trusted her, nor did I consider her a true friend. It was so puzzling, and really weird, since we'd had dinner at each other's houses, the kids had playdates frequently, and there was no animosity, no apparent reason for this baffling exclusion. My husband mentioned something to her, and she sort of laughed it off, a little embarrassed, he thought, and said she'd invited too many kids to the party, which was an odd answer.

Later, I found out that this woman made "friends" and dropped them frequently for little perceived slights. I don't know what my "crime" was, but in the end, I know the problem was hers. But it was cruel to exclude my daughter, who was 3 at the time, and DID notice that she wasn't included in the party (it was right across the street from our house, and many of DD's friends were there!). To this day, my daughter remembers that day and how betrayed she felt by it. That's what hurts me most of all about this incident.

To answer your question, OP, yes, I would feel hurt if I were you, but from the experience I've just described, I would assume the problem is this woman, not you.

[Anonymous]

Were the other children boys, and yours the only girl?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were the other children boys, and yours the only girl?

OP here. No, there was a mix of genders there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I actually saw the host mom at the grocery store this morning. We chatted briefly (she was coming out as I was going in) and only really said something like hello, how are you.

I think I am reaching the conclusion that I am not considered a full member of the neighborhood group as I thought I was - at least not by this mom. I think she sees me as someone who shows up and is there, and therefore of course she'll make conversation with me, but she doesn't see me as a friend (and I guess she sees the others as friends). Maybe I come across as trying too hard? It's funny, because out of all of the moms in the group, i feel like she and I might have the most in common because we are both really into athletics, and played the same sport in college.

Anyway, thanks for the posts everyone.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I would be hurt, too. That was really bad manners on her part, but maybe she just didn't think it through.

Assuming you're correct in your conclusion about not being as much a part of the group as you thought, use the information you've gained. Perhaps you and your husband can host a neighborhood BBQ in your backyard or organize a neighborhood wine crawl or organize a neighborhood food drive for a local shelter or something. There are a lot of ways you can make yourself and your family a more integral part of your neighborhood. You can think of less labor intensive ideas, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different take on this, I have 2 dogs and walk almost evening on a wooded trail 5 minutes from my house. I have several "dog walking" friends and theres a group of about 7 of us that meet up on Saturday and all walk together, I am the only one that ever arranges it though. If i don't go, no one else bothers to get in touch with each other...anyway, I digress. There is one dog Mom who I used to like but the last couple months drives me nuts. Im fine with her in a group once a week but other times i'll invite others but not her and her dog. I do feel bad because shes a nice person generally, but I just find her annoying, she can be very negative and wants to talk about herself and her 4 teenage kids all the time. I don't want to hear about her kids and ive tried to change the subject. She is also a know it all and any discussing anyone else starts shes been there and done that already.

OP you sound nice but take a step back and look at yourself through someone elses eyes, do you monopolize conversations or do anything others could possibly find annoying?

the thing is that it's not about the OP, it's about her child. So even if the OP annoys the mom, she still should have invited the child.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a good life lesson to me. OP, you do sound like a sweetheart, but life is filled with people who don't like you, forget to invite you, or for some reason that has nothing to do with you, don't include you. (By "you" I mean each of us, not you in particular.) We've all had the experience of not being included. You can let it get to you or you can focus on the people you love and who also love you and just live a positive life. It's probably good for your DC to see you modeling an attitude of nonchalance about this so she learns how to let this stuff roll off her back too. And all you've learned here is that this other mom is not someone to invest your time in. She's going to miss out on having a nice friend, but you are not.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand why you would not want to bring it up, but I think you are ignorin the elephant and should at least have said, I was surprised to see everyone at X's bday at the park. See what she says because she should explain. If she didn't then she's a b$tch and it has nothing to do with you. If you let people exclude you and you seem ok with it then you will continue to be excluded. I'm sure she'll tell your friends that she invited you and you didn't come and that you didn't care.

[Anonymous]

We may have missed the boat on this since you already bumped into her since the party but ... could you say something like, "Oh, and I wish I had known it was (child's name)'s birthday! I didn't find out until we saw your party at the park. DD and I love to make presents for our friends. We'll have something the next time we see you at the park." And then have DD make a dinky craft to give the boy. That allows an opening for her to ask why you didn't come or respond to the invite (if that was the case), or to make up a lame excuse like it was only people they've known for over 13.5 months. Might give you some clarity ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a good life lesson to me. OP, you do sound like a sweetheart, but life is filled with people who don't like you, forget to invite you, or for some reason that has nothing to do with you, don't include you. (By "you" I mean each of us, not you in particular.) We've all had the experience of not being included. You can let it get to you or you can focus on the people you love and who also love you and just live a positive life. It's probably good for your DC to see you modeling an attitude of nonchalance about this so she learns how to let this stuff roll off her back too. And all you've learned here is that this other mom is not someone to invest your time in. She's going to miss out on having a nice friend, but you are not.

THis.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset by this. Sorry that you live in a neighborhood that excludes people like that. You could make her feel very uncomfortable and say something like "wow, that party looked fun, my DS was wondering why he was not invited"....I don't think it will make you feel worse, just make her feel awkward like she deserves. I bet she was a "mean girl" in high school.