not invited. would this sting you too?

[Anonymous]

Slightly different take on this, I have 2 dogs and walk almost evening on a wooded trail 5 minutes from my house. I have several "dog walking" friends and theres a group of about 7 of us that meet up on Saturday and all walk together, I am the only one that ever arranges it though. If i don't go, no one else bothers to get in touch with each other...anyway, I digress. There is one dog Mom who I used to like but the last couple months drives me nuts. Im fine with her in a group once a week but other times i'll invite others but not her and her dog. I do feel bad because shes a nice person generally, but I just find her annoying, she can be very negative and wants to talk about herself and her 4 teenage kids all the time. I don't want to hear about her kids and ive tried to change the subject. She is also a know it all and any discussing anyone else starts shes been there and done that already.

OP you sound nice but take a step back and look at yourself through someone elses eyes, do you monopolize conversations or do anything others could possibly find annoying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different take on this, I have 2 dogs and walk almost evening on a wooded trail 5 minutes from my house. I have several "dog walking" friends and theres a group of about 7 of us that meet up on Saturday and all walk together, I am the only one that ever arranges it though. If i don't go, no one else bothers to get in touch with each other...anyway, I digress. There is one dog Mom who I used to like but the last couple months drives me nuts. Im fine with her in a group once a week but other times i'll invite others but not her and her dog. I do feel bad because shes a nice person generally, but I just find her annoying, she can be very negative and wants to talk about herself and her 4 teenage kids all the time. I don't want to hear about her kids and ive tried to change the subject. She is also a know it all and any discussing anyone else starts shes been there and done that already.

OP you sound nice but take a step back and look at yourself through someone elses eyes, do you monopolize conversations or do anything others could possibly find annoying?

Not the OP, but even if that was the case, I think it was rude of the other mom to have the party at the park, right where they all meet frequently. Would you have a dog-friend event, not invite the annoying owner, but do it in the wooded trail?

[Anonymous]

Leaving someone out is fine. Leaving out someone the way the host mom did -- for a party that the excluded mom & kid are very likely to see -- is off.

[Anonymous]

i would feel bad and sad, too. and i honestly don't know that i would say anything at the party or later to the host mom. if you are really worried that it might be your kid, then i might pick someone i was super-close to in the group and ask if the other kids don't like her b/c she's quiet.

but she's most likely just a normal 3 year old - just lost in her own world and her own play. My 3 year old is in montessori and even there, when i pick her up, i sometimes find her playing on her own, very content, but certainly not aggressively socializing. i can see how she might get left out of parties by the bigger kids - they might think she's too little/too much of a baby b/c she doesn't want to play with them.

[Anonymous]

Something like that happened to me too. A mom from our regular (weekly!) playgroup had her daughter's 2nd birthday, and my son and I weren't invited. I found out when another mom I saw outside of playgroup said, "See you at ____'s party this Saturday." I was surprised and told her we weren't invited. She obviously was embarrased and said that maybe the Evite got lost in my email or something. I didn't want to put that mom in an awkward situation, so I left it alone, but I totally didn't understand why we weren't invited. I've seen her at our playgroups since and have basically shrugged it off and not mentioned it of course.

I'm now at a loss as to what to do about my son's birthday party (which isn't until the end of the summer but still). Do I invite this mom? I concluded that she may have some problem with me (can't guess what but maybe I inadvertently offended her at some point?), so I don't want to invite her and have her feel obligated to attend. Plus, to be honest, I'm sort of P.O.'d about the lack of invite to her daughter's party, so while I'd love to be the bigger person and invite her and her daughter, I also feel like she doesn't deserve the invite.

Stupid SAHM politics, I know....

[Anonymous]

OP- yes, I would be taken aback, but is it possible that she didn't invite anyone, but just threw it there, because she knows everyone always shows up there, and she didn't want a fuss, nor gifts, or maybe some other plans they had fell through, etc? Do you actually have proof that there were any invites? It is just odd to have a formal birthday party at the neighborhood hangout spot, where everyone is every day anyway.... Other thought is that another mom did this impromptu like a surprise for them (maybe because they knew their plans had fallen through or that they weren't going to throw a party at all).

Maybe you can find out?

[Anonymous]

i am sorry OP. be the bigger person and extend the invite to
your child's party.

(1) if she chooses not to attend, it's on her, and maybe there is something that isn't gelling between you two. and that is ok! it happens, don't take it as a reflection on you!

(2) if she does attend, it will be a classy lesson to her in manners - that you invited folks regardless of reciprocity.

[Anonymous]

Yes it would sting. I am sorry that this happened to you. It really doesn't make any sense, she had to know that you would show up since you show up every day. Odd.

[Anonymous]

Yes, terrible.

Given that she was totally unapologetic I would be polite, but totally cut her out socially.

[Anonymous]

I have been in these situations with my children. And no, I don't invite people to my house who have previously not invited my children.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the feedback (OP here). It may be possible that I said or did something that the host mom didn't like, or that I offended her in some way, but it seems so unlikely. And she is such a nice person (or at least, that is how she always seems) that she doesn't seem like the type of person to take offense easily. That is partly why I am so puzzled as to why we weren't invited.

It definitely wasn't an impromptu thing, as there were guests from outside of the neighborhood there, and there were party games, favors, etc. She seemed to be directing everything, so I don't think the party was put on by a friend.

Someone asked whether we talked at the party. As I posted earlier, I said (to her, and her son) in a jovial way, 'is that the birthday boy?' (I knew it was, because he was dressed nicely and had a birthday crown) and she told me that he just turned 4. She didn't seem sheepish or embarrassed or anything like that.

The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe she just doesn't feel as close to me and my kids as she does to the other moms and their kids. And the fact that my daughter doesn't 'aggressively socialize,' as a PP aptly put it, adds to that. (Still, if it were me, I would have invited everyone in the group, especially since it was so likely that I was going to walk in on the party anyway).

I would never in a million years say anything to the host mom, and I will treat her the same. (And I will invite her family to my daughter's birthday party later this year). I do wonder, however, if the other mom (the one who gave me a surprised look that sort of said 'oh, i am sorry that you weren't invited to this') might say something to me the next time i see her.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP! I would definitely feel hurt, but maybe there was some strange calculus that she did that resulted, for some neutral reason, in your daughter not being included in the birthday list. FWIW, sometimes when a person is caught up in party planning, the pressure of everything can cause you to make some illogical decisions. So maybe she freaked out when the numbers of invitees were increasing and just drew a line that, objectively, was illogical and insensitive. The fact that she was unapologetic suggests to me that she thought she had a good reason for not including your daughter, and that it's not necessarily anything about you or your child.

It's pretty bad form that she held the party at the playground, where your child could see, but I'd just give her a free pass this time. If you like chatting with her and especially the other parents at the playground, and your daughter sometimes enjoys playing with/near the other kids (and is likely to do so even more as she gets older), then try to let it go. Take the long view, and look for what you can get out of the relationships, even if it's not ideal. I agree with 22:25 about going ahead and inviting everyone.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that she mentioned the party on a day that all the other moms were at the park and you happened not to be there that day? My thoughts are that there is a good chance there was no formal invite and it was just mentioned casually during a day there....
How is possible for her to have a party and exclude someone that might show up? It seems awkward of the mom unless she just casually mentioned and put it together. Maybe she assumed you would be there there and if not, no biggie and possibly not close enough to send a formal invite or call to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
but she's most likely just a normal 3 year old - just lost in her own world and her own play. My 3 year old is in montessori and even there, when i pick her up, i sometimes find her playing on her own, very content, but certainly not aggressively socializing. i can see how she might get left out of parties by the bigger kids - they might think she's too little/too much of a baby b/c she doesn't want to play with them.

OP here. PP, this might be the case here with my daughter, too. Who knows - maybe the birthday boy said he didn't want to invite my daughter (but again, if I were the host mom, I would have gently explained that we don't exclude people, that we're going to invite all of our neighborhood friends, etc. etc.)

[Anonymous]

OP - what did the host (mom) do or say when she saw you arrive at the playground? Did you she ignore you and your DD? Did she wave and look guilty for not inviting you?